


That Night In The Cave

by StarryEyes2000



Series: That Night In The Cave [1]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Puberty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 47,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26794477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryEyes2000/pseuds/StarryEyes2000
Summary: Later she would blame it on the cozy fire. The woozy feeling from the pain medication. The grogginess from just waking up. The feeling of safety and being cared for. Why else would she blurt out to their interim Captain, "Sir, would you ever get romantically involved with a member of your crew?" Pike cares for TIlly after an injury. Saru struggles in the aftermath of his Vahar'ai.
Relationships: Christopher Pike & Sylvia Tilly
Series: That Night In The Cave [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967035
Comments: 56
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

Later she would blame it on the cozy fire. The woozy feeling from the pain medication. The grogginess after just waking up. The feeling of safety and being cared for. Why else would she blurt out to their interim Captain, “Sir, would you ever get romantically involved with a member of your crew?”

**Three Days Ago**

“Team three” Commander Saru barked into his communicator. Hearing the edge in his voice, Captain Pike looked up from the map he and Commander Nhan were reviewing and paused to listen to the rest of the conversation.

“Team three leader here sir.”

“You are 10 minutes late. Report to the rendezvous point.”

“Ah…Sir, we are just…finishing up a few last-minute details. A couple of final samples.”

“Unacceptable!” was the loud reply.

Pike looked at his security chief and shook his head. Tried hard not to smile and almost succeeded. “Go retrieve team two from the lake and beam directly back to Discovery. Take a medic with you and let me know if there are any injuries.” Nhan nodded and headed south.

Walking over to Saru, Pike straightened his shoulders and prepared to deal with the next problem. Ever since his Vahar'ai, Saru could go from calm past firm to disgruntled and then angry in less than 30 seconds. His behavior of late bounced from extreme to extreme just as rapidly, pushing at all boundaries and sometimes testing his captain’s renowned patience. Saru described the Vahar’ai experience as an evolution, liberating him from constant and overriding fear. Pike was starting to view it as the equivalent of a human entering puberty who engaged in an almost daily battle of wills.

“Mr. Saru, report.”

Saru’s eyes flashed with irritation but he calmed his voice and replied, “Teams one, four, five, and six are present and ready to return to the ship. I am attempting to ascertain the status of team three now which you have just interrupted.” That response drew curious stares from the assembled crew.

Pike decided it was time to defuse the situation and give Saru a gracious way out. “Very well. Please return to the ship with those present,” he gestured towards the other scientists then continued, “and…”

“Captain, I would prefer to …” Saru started to get heated again.

Pike interrupted, “and take the conn. The storm will start in about 90 minutes. If there is a problem, I need you on the bridge.”

“No Captain. You belong on the bridge, I here. It is my responsibility to ensure your safety.”

 _OK_ Pike thought to himself so much for a gracious exit. “Not the time or place for that discussion,” he quietly warned. Saru glared down at his captain. Pike serenely looked up at his first officer. After a few seconds he added, “Implement my orders.”

They continued their mutual staring for another minute. It seemed like an eon to the others until finally Saru looked away and replied, “Yes sir.”

“Prepare to leave orbit. I’ll beam out with team three.” Pike turned to head to the cliffs where the geology team was collecting samples. “And Mr. Saru, a job well done, my compliments to you and your teams.”

The geological survey sight was a ten minute walk from the rendezvous point and with a comfortable margin of time before the geomagnetic storm hit the area, Pike, once out of the sight and hearing of the other away teams, sat on a fallen log, stopping to savor a rare private moment. It had been three weeks since they encountered the sphere and five weeks since the second signal led them to New Eden. The interval had given him time to focus on a secondary mission while onboard – evaluate the Discovery crew and decide if it should be disbanded and replaced. It was important to observe a crew’s performance under intense pressure. And he had learned it was equally important to observe a crew’s ability to handle the more predominant routine of space travel when there was no pressure of imminent catastrophe to focus thoughts and actions, no drilled responses to automatically execute. It was in the quiet of unremarkable days that subtle warning signs were missed and disasters sneaked up. He liked to use the example of climbing Mount Everest with his crew – most deaths occur on the way down from the peak after the goal is achieved, you relax and forget hazards remain.

So, the crew spent the last few weeks updating and fine-tuning ship’s systems, analyzing the sphere data and surveying a system of five planets in a complex orbit around a trinary star system. And while he knew this bright and talented, yet inexperienced crew performed well under pressure with the right leadership, he had learned their inexperience could be an Achilles heel. Today reflected that. The expedition got off to a rocky start as the landing party initially behaved like children visiting an amusement park, each running excitedly in a different direction to examine an interesting object catching their attention. Luckily, the only consequences so far had been lost time, a few bumps and bruises and the group exploring the southern plain managing to strand themselves in the middle of a lake on a homemade raft. That explanation should prove entertaining.

Pike had beamed down at the start of the day but decided to return to the ship allowing Saru space and privacy to get the teams back on track. Later in the day he returned to spend one-on-one time with each group. As Discovery’s primary mission was science rather than exploration, most of the crew interacted only with their department leaders, rarely entering the Captain’s orbit. He wanted to use this opportunity to get to know them better.

Soon he would have to decide their future. More immediately it was time to end this indulgence and get back to work. Sighing he rose and took out his communicator. “Pike to team three. What’s your status?”

The reply was slower than expected and the young lieutenant leading the team sounded flustered. “Captain, sir? We’re ready for beam out except, I mean, there is one problem. Ensign Tilly is missing.”

Pike swore silently to himself and took off running towards the team. Captains could miss subtle warning signs too.

Tilly clung to the edge of the cliff with both hands. _Brilliant idea_ she thought to herself. _Yes, it was an interesting and unexpected energy signature, but next time – mental note - tell someone where you are going in case, once again, the worst happens, and you slip off the cliff. Barely catching yourself before falling to a certain death. Losing your communicator, but then it wasn’t like you could let go to get it out of your pocket. And hey girl, awesome reflexes and strength there, catching yourself. Kudos. And Oh my God, what am I going to do now? How much longer can I hold on?_ She tried to peer down without losing her balance or grip to see if there was anything to break her fall when the inevitable happened.

“I turned around and she was gone. I don’t know for how long sir.” The team leader reported radiating anxiety.

Pike sought the right words to steady her and remind her the situation wasn’t her fault, finally deciding the best way forward was to focus her on a task. He smiled and said, “I need you to take responsibility for getting your team beamed back to Discovery while I look for the Ensign. I appreciate that I can leave their safety in your able hands so I can focus on the search.” She nodded and handed the Captain her tricorder.

Moving away from the others he continued scanning for isolated life signs. Something appeared to be interfering with the sensor, perhaps the more powerful sensors on Discovery could break through. While waiting for those results he squinted at the distant horizon searching for signs of the coming storm. The wind was picking up on this ridge.

Michael called back with the results or rather the lack of results. “I’ll come and help you search, heading to the transporter room now.”

“Belay that.” Pike ordered firmly. “I will assess and let you know.” Michael tended to act first, and then ask forgiveness. Right now, he didn’t need additional complications. _OK, time to put those old-fashioned tracking skills to use,_ he thought and began walking away from the cliffs towards the forest as he searched.

Tilly could no longer feel the edge she was desperately clinging to. Her fingers were cramping, and her arms and shoulders were numb. She was frightened and beginning to shiver as the temperature dropped and the wind increased. Worst of all, she had no idea how to save herself. When the time came, she didn’t even feel her fingers relax and let go.

After several dead ends, Pike circled back to the cliffs and found a trail of disturbed rocks. He approached it cautiously probing for hidden recesses and other instabilities. It appeared stable enough and looked to continue for at least another kilometer. This was the best lead so far, so he started down the path.

Instinct screamed at him to hurry, logical implored him to proceed very carefully. The path became treacherous with no warning. Anyone walking here and not paying attention would have stepped into the unexpected hole and tumbled over the side. He peered cautiously over the edge and was horrified. Ensign Tilly had fallen and landed on a small outcropping several hundred meters below. Beyond that was a sheer drop off. Her right leg and arm were dangling over the outcropping and she was starting to stir. If she panicked and moved slightly, she would roll off and fall to a certain death.


	2. Chapter 2

Tilly focused on the sky as she slowly regained consciousness and then quickly shut her eyes to block the painfully bright light. She tried to feel around to get a sense of her location. On the left she was shoved against a hard surface. On the right she felt a few inches of rock and then … nothingness.

After what felt like an indescribably long time, a calm voice called down from above. _Maybe that red angel that Michael described? Funny, the red angel sounded like their new captain._ She opened her eyes a crack. Someone was leaning over the edge of something, their back to the sun, and looking down at her. _The red angel looked a bit like their new captain too. Good news, no need to search any longer she had found and identified the red angel! Way to go Tilly!_

_But if the mystery of the red angel was solved, Captain Pike would leave Discovery and return to Enterprise. This is bad. No, that doesn’t work for me; he should give up Enterprise and stay on Discovery. But why would he give up the flagship to stay on a tiny science ship? Well she just wouldn’t tell anyone she found the red angel. It would be her secret._

_Wait, if Captain Pike is the red angel, why would he be searching for himself? Was she hallucinating?_

Panic set in and overwhelmed her. She began gasping for breath and then hyperventilating. The voice called to her again, only this time rather than calm it was sharp and demanding. Her training kicked in and she complied immediately.

“Ensign, eyes on me. Do. Not. Move.” Pike said his voice stern, forceful and reassuring at the same time, his command tone, the one no crew member dared ignore. “Combat breathing. Now! With me. Inhale-two-three-four, Hold-two-three-four, Exhale through your nose-two-three-four. Again.” After several rounds, her breathing slowed. With a softer but still firm tone he continued, “Good. That’s good. You’re going to be OK. I’m signaling the ship to beam you aboard. Until then I want your eyes on me at all times.”

 _As if that is a problem_ she thought to herself. _I could stare at you all day. Especially when I am working on the bridge at one of the stations in the back and I can admire your bu… hey, I must be fine if I am thinking about how cute the Captain is and not worrying falling off this ledge. Wait, I am stranded on a ledge!?! OK, OK, combat breathing inhale…_

Pike took out his communicator “Pike to Enterprise.”

“Saru here Captain. Go ahead. But know the transmission is beginning to deteriorate.”

Keeping his voice composed and steady he said, “Ensign Tilly is about 350 to 400 meters below me. Please beam her directly to Sickbay.” He noticed Tilly was starting to close her eyes. Worried this might cause her to lose her balance and tumble off the edge he repeated in his command tone, “Ensign, eyes open and on me. Now.”

Michael looked at Saru, alarm plain on her face. The rest of the bridge crew also turned to look at Saru as he responded. “Captain, the geomagnetic storm is interfering with our equipment sooner than expected. The transporters are no longer safe for biologic use. The last landing party beamed out successfully, but there were glitches in the matter stream.”

Christopher Pike swore silently in multiple languages. In an impressive number of languages. Sometimes a little outburst ordered his thoughts. He began to tick off possibilities to himself while simultaneously asking for input. “Options? Is there a way to boost the signal? Sacrifice a shuttle if necessary.”

He could hear the bridge crew debating but knew they would quickly catch up to his conclusion. There was no safe way to get off the planet until after the storm. And with conditions deteriorating, he had about 20 minutes before all electronic equipment on the surface and in orbit would stop working, the circuits fried. Also, he had two hours to get Tilly off that outcropping and sheltered before darkness fell and the weather turned perilous.

Pike interrupted the debate. “Can you beam down supplies?”

Owo answered, “Yes Captain. If we keep shields up in between transports, it should be safe for another 30 to 40 minutes.”

“Alright. Listen carefully. I want Discovery out of orbit in 15 minutes. And get Commander Nhan on comms.” Pike ordered.

“But Captain,” Saru responded, sounding tense and irked, “we cannot …”

Pike cut it him off, his exasperation with his first officer bleeding into his voice. “Not now. First, can Discovery scan Ensign Tilly for injuries? “

Saru motioned to Michael and Ariaim, “Call Dr. Pollard and get the sensors magnified and fine-tuned. Continue Captain.”

“In this order and don’t wait until everything is gathered to start, beam down the following to my location. Nhan can answer any questions and make substitutions. Australian rappelling kit. Alpine rescue kit. Medical kit. Emergency camping kit number two. Repeat to acknowledge. Then Saru I want to speak with you privately.”

Owo repeated the list and then ran to the main transporter room to help Nhan who was already working with the crew to assemble and send the supplies. She whispered to Nhan, “I’ve never heard of these kits, is this a new Starfleet protocol?”

Nhan shook her head, “An Enterprise protocol. Its shorthand for sets of equipment. Kit number two is for sheltering up to a week in a natural structure, like a cave, with cold and wet conditions. Captain Pike likes to make contingency plans, especially ones that can be implemented quickly with minimal instruction. It may seem like overpreparing, but getting emergency supplies distributed in five minutes rather than thirty can be the difference between life and death. On Enterprise these kits would already be assembled and stored in transporter rooms and the shuttle bay.”

“Commander, bridge reports Discovery medical scan was not successful,” a crewman interjected.

“Beam a medical tricorder down now and then resume sending the other equipment,” Nhan responded and added, “Move! Seven minutes left until Discovery leaves orbit. I don’t want the Captain climbing down that cliff with only his bare hands.”

Saru went to the ready room to continue their conversation and Pike jumped right in. “Time is short, I expect you to listen and follow my orders.”

“But Captain …”

Pike continued over the objection, “You will take Discovery out of orbit in six minutes…”

“Captain, I believe your orders are reckless and short-sighted …”

“Enough.” Pike snapped and then continued with an edge in his voice, a tone of voice veteran Enterprise crew knew meant they had pushed past their boundaries and his tolerance. A tone of voice that would send chills down your spine if you were an enemy. “I want your word that you will implement my orders precisely. Else I will relieve you from duty and place the ship under Nhan’s command.”

Saru started to push back; beginning with a reminder that Michael Burnham was next in the chain of command, not Nhan who wasn’t even a regular member of the Discovery crew! But instead he paused, considered and backed down. “You have my word Captain.”

“And I trust your word. Don’t abuse that trust.” Pike warned and then continued, “Wait at least 24 hours after the storm ends before returning to pick us up. Longer if scans and analyses show a need for caution. There are caves three kilometers from our location which should provide adequate shelter.”

“Acknowledged.”

Pike didn’t miss the omission of Captain or sir. He and Saru were going to have a long conversation when he returned to the ship. “Tilly has fallen over a cliff and landed on a narrow outcropping. From what I can tell without the aid of sensors, it’s a fairly straightforward and stable climb down and back. That information is to be kept between us.” Then he paused for a few seconds and continued in a kinder tone, “I recognize you are dealing with what is, at times, overwhelming biological and behavioral changes. A lesser officer would falter, but I have faith you can and will take care of our crew.”

Saru sat up straighter in the chair. And now felt collected, felt determined. Felt ready to lead the crew away to safety. Somehow the Captain intuited that his hostility and challenges were covering worry, his worry about Tilly, the crew, the ship, his future and even his own competence. “And I will sir, you can count on it.”

“Thank you Commander. My supplies are starting to arrive, and I need to check on Tilly. We will see you in a couple of days. Pike out.”

Throughout his conversations with Discovery, Pike kept part of his attention on Tilly. She had been chattering to herself periodically and calm but then began squirming in the past couple of minutes. “Ensign, remember eyes on me. I know you are in pain, but try not to move.” He smiled down at her in case she could see it.

“We’re going to take this one step at a time, OK? I will explain each step as we go. Don’t worry about the steps to come. First step is scanning for injuries so I will know how to safely bring you up. The medical tricorder is here, and I am scanning you now.” _Or rather trying to scan you_ he thought willing himself not to bang a fist into tricorder to clear up the intermittent readings. _Are these readings intermittent or scrambled? It may already be too late to trust any of their electronics._ Recalibrating, he narrowed the parameters to only report neck/spine injuries and internal bleeding. Neck/spine injuries so he could secure her ascent properly without exacerbating those critical areas. Internal bleeding since it was one of the most difficult conditions to treat in the field. If they were lucky neither would be present and one of the worst-case scenarios would be avoided - she wouldn’t have to spend the next couple of days lashed to that ledge.

He finished the scan. The readings were sketchy but good enough. “Good news. I don’t see any serious injuries, but you do have a concussion. So try not to lift your head.”

“You don’t want me to look down so I won’t get scared, right?”

“Honestly, yes. It will make you think this situation is worse than it really is. I know it may be hard for you to believe but I am actually fairly good at this.” Pike said as he took off his uniform jacket and started setting anchors for the ropes.

 _Oh no, not hard to believe at all. If only it was too hot to wear that shirt. Tilly, not the time or place!_ She thought but said, “I’m glad one of us is.”

“Talk to me while I finish getting things ready. I know you are good at that.”

 _Maybe things really aren’t so bad if he is joking._ “I don’t know what to say.”

 _Not a good sign_ , Pike thought. “I don’t know much about you. We might as well use this time to get acquainted. Have you ever tried rock climbing before?”

“Hmm. No, I am more of a lounge on the beach kind of person. You?”

“I grew up near the Mojave Desert. It’s bordered by three mountain ranges. I was climbing them as soon as I could walk which didn’t make my mother very happy. Your turn to ask me a question.”

“Anything?”

“Almost,” Pike replied chuckling.

“What was your first assignment in Starfleet?

“Test pilot, among other things.”

Tilly yawed. “That sounds mysterious.”

“Perhaps. Please try to stay awake. It won’t be much longer. Why engineering?”

Tilly yawned again. “I like figuring out how things work, how to put things together. I think there is a rock or something pushing into my shoulder, if I could just move a bit…”

Pike shouted for her to stop, but it was too late. Tilly raised her head a few inches and the concussion caused a wave of nausea and vertigo. In a frantic effort to cradle her head she moved her right arm too quickly, her body weight shifted, and momentum started rolling her away from the cliff to the edge of outcropping.


	3. Chapter 3

“Tilly? Time to wake up.” A voice was calling to her from far away, almost too faint to hear.

“Tilly, please wake up.” This was kind of annoying. No school today so why did her mother expect her to get up so early?

“Tilly. You’re ok but I need you to wake up.” The voice was louder and now her mother sounded like her father.

“Go away. I don’t want to,” she whined, not sure if she said it out loud or in her head. Then she thought she heard a chuckle.

“I promise you can go back to sleep soon, just open your eyes for a few minutes and talk to me.”

She opened her eyes slowly. “I must be dreaming because I heard my mother and my father, and they can’t be in the same room together.” She looked up. There was a man crouched beside her, his fingers encircling her wrist like he was taking her pulse. He had blue eyes she could get lost in, eyes that were looking down at her and concerned. _This is a good dream!_ She shut her eyes tight. “Nope, don’t want to wake up because then my dream will be over, and you will disappear before I can kiss you.”

It sounded like someone was trying not to laugh and ended up coughing. “Ensign give me your full attention.”

“Nope.”

“Now!”

Wait, was the voice coming from the man in the dream? He sounded awfully stern. She opened her eyes again. And tried sit up but someone gently pushed her back. “Are you real?” Tilly asked.

“Definitely. Don’t try to move.”

“Everything hurts.”

“I know. You’re banged up, but you’ll be fine.”

Tilly stared at the man beside her for several minutes and then looked around at her surroundings. “Where are we?”

“In a cave. What do you remember?”

Everything was so fuzzy. “I’m not sure.”

Pike kept his expression reassuring, despite being concerned her concussion was worse than he thought. Calmly he asked, “Do you know who I am?”

“You’re … you’re …”

“It’s ok, don’t try to force it.”

“I do know, it’s right here …” she tried to lift her right arm and point at her forehead but whimpered when pain shot through her shoulder, “but it’s _confusing_. You’re … the Captain. But you’re not scary or mean. So that can’t be right. Oh hell, I really do know, you’re … aha! That’s right, you’re the new Captain. Captain Pike, the one we like.”

“Well, that’s good to know. Do you know who you are?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Humor me and tell me your rank and name.”

“Sylvia Tilly, I hate my first name. Ensign. Youngest member accepted in the command training program…”

Pike interrupted, pleased she was starting to sound like herself. “Very good. And do you know where we are and what happened?”

“We are,” she paused and tried to order her chaotic thoughts, so much was trying to rush back at once. “I mean, we were … surveying a planet … there’s a trinary star … unusual energy signal … geomagnetic storm …”

“Yes. Anything else?”

“I got a weird reading …”

“And left your team without permission, a subject, I assure you, we will talk about more when we return to the ship.”

Uh-oh. He didn’t sound pleased. “Ah, yes sir. I got a weird reading and went to investigate. I was walking near a cliff edge … and I fell?”

He nodded.

“How did I get here?”

“We can talk about those details later. Now I need to get the rest of our supplies. It’s not far. I should be back in an hour and half or maybe two.”

“I don’t want you to leave, do we really need that stuff?”

He smiled at her. “Yes. At the very least we need more water and better blankets than the little mylar one you are using now. And a way to make you a more comfortable bed. I banked the fire. Please don’t try to stand. You had a bad vertigo spell earlier and a fall might aggravate your injuries. I put water in reach of your right hand. Any questions?”

Tilly shook her head. “Please hurry.” She started crying. “I’m scared.”

Pike took both of her hands in his and leaned close; looking at her with that expression of his she had named ‘you have my full undivided attention and right now nothing else in the universe matters’. “I know. The worst is over. You are safe here. Remember you are trained for this.” He wiped away the tears. “Try to sleep. It will help.”

She nodded. He left. She tried to pass the time by remembering what happened after she fell. But, at least for now, it was just out of reach. Her eyes would close periodically, and she would dose for five or ten minutes, but any movement caused pain and she jerked back to consciousness. This cycle continued for a while and then she reached for the water. Wait, was that her uniform jacket, pants, and undershirt spread out on rocks near the fire? Looking down she realized she was wearing a different uniform jacket, one several sizes too big and with captain’s braid on the shoulders. And that was _all_ she was wearing besides her bra and panties. She groaned, mortified. Could this day get any worse?

ooooo

With the weather deteriorating, hiking back to the cliff took longer than Pike expected. There was a twinge in his right side which he compartmentalized and ignored. Visibility was down to 100 feet and continuing to decrease as the wind and rain strengthened. At this rate, it would be the equivalent of a hurricane in three or four hours. He took extra time and used the climbing ropes to mark a trail. All their electronic equipment failed two hours ago.

Their luck ran out with the last set of supplies. Little of the camping gear was salvageable. He assumed the matter stream had destabilized. The sleeping bags were in tatters and sticky, the water a foul-smelling gel and the food packets concrete. Sorting through the mess Pike recovered enough large pieces to make one decent sized blanket, assuming someone thought to include an old-fashioned suture pack in the med kit.

He mentally ran through their supplies. Even boiled the rain was not safe for drinking. There was water left in the med kit and rehydration fluids for IV use. With those, rationing, and the extra two bottles Nhan stashed in the climbing gear they would be fine for three days. He already gathered enough wood to keep the fire burning through tomorrow. And Nhan, who was turning out to be as compulsive about preparation as he, also included two protein bars with the climbing gear. Not ideal, but not a crisis. Gathering the blanket fragments, he started walking back to the cave.

ooooo

“Note to self,” Tilly said out loud, “in your next letter to your mother thank her for the numerous and frequent admonishments to always wear presentable underwear when leaving the house. Best advice I ever got.”

It felt like Captain Pike had been gone for hours and her fears were creeping back. What if something happened to the Captain? What if she was now all alone? Did Discovery know where they were? Sure, she had survival training at Starfleet Academy, but that was with a group and an _instructor_. She had never even vacationed by herself, much less survived alone in an unknown place for _real_. In order to graduate from the Academy, you had to spend a weekend with a partner in an inhospitable environment like the Australian Outback. But the Klingon war and Lorca interrupted her last semester.

To distract herself, she tried to remember the past few hours. But there were only hazy memories of intense pain, being carried and shivering from the cold and wet. Between fear, pain and fatigue she panicked. The cave felt too small and dark. Everything was damp. She was lightheaded. She knew she needed water but didn’t have the strength to reach for it. She began to breathe rapidly, starting the hyperventilation cycle again.

After a couple of minutes, all that training started to kick in. Her instructor, his voice faint, repeated in her head, combat breathing, inhale … hold … exhale. Inhale … hold … exhale. The voice morphed into Captain Pike’s. Inhale … hold … exhale. Inhale … hold … exhale. Funny how this simple action was calming. OK. Now a drink of water. Slowly she reached for the bottle and raised her head just enough to take a sip. One more she commanded.

She would NOT disappoint Captain Pike by falling apart. Rather, she would impress him with how well she managed during his absence!

Next step the voice in her head said, fear and worry are the products of an overactive mind. If there are no remaining actions needed to safeguard yourself and your team, give your mind an assignment. She tried to figure out if she had undressed herself or had help. Her heat beat ticked up. Nope, bad assignment.

She recited Newton’s Laws of Motion. Then parametric equations as applied to four-dimensional math. Next, she started reciting Newton’s Principia in the original Latin. Yes, she really could, she learned it as a child. It was a great ice breaker at parties.

Calmer now, she paused to reflect. Except for the time he shouted at her not to move, Captain Pike had not raised his voice. His expressions, tone of voice, and body language remained calm and purposeful regardless of the obstacles. He projected a quiet authority that was reassuring. His actions were considered and unhurried. He even got her to laugh a few times. Despite everything that happened, she never really doubted they would survive. She wondered if this was his true personality, or a persona adopted for his crew. Would it be appropriate to ask? He excelled as a leader. Was that innate talent? Training? She suspected it was mostly the former with some refinement from the latter. And if so, would she ever be good enough to be a captain?

Ugh, keeping her mind occupied did not dull the constant and worsening pain. It was hurting too much to lift her head for more water. She continued reciting Principia. After what felt like days, the captain returned.

“You look like a cat that’s been dunked in a tub of water. Like mine used to look right after I gave her a bath.” Tilly observed.

Captain Pike smiled. His full dimpled smile that was like a sun beam. At least to her. Then he chuckled. “Thanks.” After spreading what looked like pieces of a blanket in front of the fire to dry, he went to the mouth of the cave to wring the water out of his hair and clothes.

Returning he said, “These uniforms are supposed to wick away water but there is definitely a limit to that capacity.” He crouched in front of her and tipped her chin up to get a better look. “Good, your color is improving. How are you feeling? A silly question I know, but it says in the manual to ask.”

She smiled at the joke. “Everything hurts. I’m still really tired and fuzzy.”

“Well unfortunately, its two hours until you can have another round of pain meds. With your concussion and my lack of medical training I don’t want to push the standard protocols.” He gently pinched the back of her hand and then frowned as he checked the water bottle. “You’re dehydrated.” He helped her sit up against the wall and handed her the water. “Take a few drinks. I’m going to give you IV fluids as well.”

As he setup the IV and rigged a way for it to hang high enough to work properly, Tilly happened to brush her hand against his uniform undershirt. “You’re still soaking wet,” she said concerned.

“I’ll be fine.”

She started lifting the mylar blanket in order to take off his uniform jacket. “You should take this back…” _Or you could take off that wet shirt… oh hell did I say that out loud? But it is a scientific fact the sight of you shirtless would trigger my brain to release endorphins which reduces pain, so you’d be doing it to help a member of your crew. How logical! Michael would be proud of me!_

“Don’t move until I’ve finished this. And no, I think its best you keep it for now.” He responded as he pushed her hand and the blanket back down.

After making Tilly as comfortable as was possible in this situation, Pike sat by the fire and rummaged through the med kit. Only an auto-suture, no good now as it was fried with the rest of the equipment. Then he smiled as he pulled out a spool of thread and a packet of old-fashioned needles, “Nhan thought ahead once again, good thing I insisted she come to Discovery with me.” His smile turned sheepish as he added, “Since sooner or later everything gets back to Una, I should amend that to well done Number One for sending Nhan to Discovery with me.”

“Do you miss Enterprise?” Tilly asked.

“I miss my crew,” he responded as he started sewing the fragments into a blanket. After looking up and seeing her disappointment he added, “Discovery’s crew is important to me as well. One doesn’t preclude the other.”

“I see.”

“Do you feel the Discovery crewmembers are your friends and family? Especially after being stranded in the mirror universe with no other support? And after you fought a war together?” Tilly nodded. “The Enterprise spends months alone in deep space sometimes in dangerous situations. So, you understand the bonds that form.”

Tilly started squirming as if moving or repositioning would alleviate some of the pain. Pike gave her a sympathetic look. “I know it’s hard but try to stay still. I’ve immobilized the broken bones, but we don’t have any bone knitting equipment or even proper casts. And you’re still at risk for nausea and vertigo from the concussion and now dehydration.”

“What’s broken?”

“Your left collarbone and left lower leg. Also, based on the bruise on your left side, I believe you’ve cracked a few ribs. The medical tricorder stopped working before I could get a complete reading. Your right wrist is bruised so it’s probably sprained or broken. I wrapped it just in case. Maybe you landed on it when you fell? And your right shoulder is dislocated, but that didn’t happen with the original fall.”

Tilly glossed over his last comment as she contemplated the _thorough_ exam he must have conducted. “Sounds like its hailing outside.”

Pike listened for a moment and then took one of the pieces of fabric and headed outside. He came back with it wrapped around several chunks of baseball sized hail. “The weather is getting worse, but we’re safe here.” He placed the improvised ice pack on her broken collar bone. “This will help.”

Once Pike resettled in front of the fire, Tilly asked, “Can we play twenty questions again? The distraction helps.”

“Yes, whose turn is it?”

“Mine. You’re asking to check my memory, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“How do you know I’m not making it up? Do you remember whose turn it is?” Tilly asked perking up a bit with the verbal sparring.

“Your last comment tells me everything I need to know. Shoot.”

“Do you have brothers or sisters?”

“I am only child.” Pike answered.

Before he could ask a question Tilly continued, “When did you learn to sew?”

“I’m not sure this is complicated enough to be called sewing, but I learned from my mother. She’s a vet and I helped her sometimes. Do I get a turn now?”

“Yes, but that was a question so it’s my turn again.”

Pike shook his head, amused. “Clever, with a more practice you’ll be able to keep up with Commander Una.”

“When I was tumbling off the ledge, I thought I saw you run down the cliff facing forward rather than facing the rocks and bouncing down.”

“Is there a question in there?”

“I think it’s implied.”

“It’s called Australian repelling, a technique their military used a couple of centuries ago. It needs only one hand to control your descent, leaving the other free to hold a weapon. And you face forward in order in order to spot targets. It’s a much faster than the traditional method and was the only option to catch you in time.” Pike explained.

“Sounds dangerous.”

“Not if you have practiced it.” Pike answered.

“I don’t remember that from my training.” Tilly sounded confused.

“I had a little advanced training.”

“Are you going to tell me more?” Tilly asked.

“No.”

“You get a turn now,” Tilly said announced grudgingly.

“Thank you, sir.” Pike teased. “What type of ship do you want to command?”

“A science ship like Discovery. Or maybe a hospital ship. I think serving on a hospital ship would be rewarding. But I would miss the science experiments. Deep space would be fun too.”

“All are good choices. I don’t think they are mutually exclusive.” Pike added.

_This is cool, it’s like being on a date. A date where we are stranded on a planet, in the middle of a storm, sheltering in a cave and I am injured but still a date._ “My turn. What’s something about you most people don’t know?”

Pike considered for a minute. “I’m a vegetarian, mostly. My mother’s preference. Though my father and I sneaked out periodically for cheeseburgers.”

“Do your parents still live on Earth?”

“Yes, in the house where I grew up.”

“That must be nice; my parents never speak to one another. And I rarely saw my father and still don’t. I’d love to have a home to go back to for visits.” Tilly said her voice sad. “I get an extra question.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so and I’m hurt.” Tilly answered in a petulant tone.

“Very well, one more and then you need to sleep.”

“What’s your favorite possession?”

“You certainly ask a wide variety of questions. A 1930’s era biplane I restored. It doesn’t have a gas engine anymore, but otherwise it’s all original or authentic parts. I love flying it, no instruments, no sensors, just skill. It’s peaceful.” Pike stood now that the blanket mending was complete. “About 45 minutes to your next medication dose. Since the IV is finished and your uniform is dry let’s get you dressed before the temperature drops further.”

“How do you know how much time has passed?

“My science officer taught me a practice to keep track of time internally.”

“You mean Lieutenant Spock? Michael’s brother?”

Tilly thought she saw pain and sadness in his expression, but it was gone too quickly to be sure. Then he answered. “Yes.”

He gathered her uniform and put the makeshift blanket near the fire to warm. Suddenly Tilly felt shy and timid. In theory and under the right circumstances having the captain help her undress and dress would be … stimulating. In reality, in these circumstances … not so much. She would stall until she thought of a solution. “Why didn’t you let my uniform dry like you did yours? I mean, with me in it?” Did his face just redden a bit?

“You were going into shock from the adrenaline spike and drop in body temperature. I had to get you dry and warm fast. That wasn’t going to happen with the small fire and you in wet clothes. And I needed to examine you for injuries.” Pike said as he removed the sling protecting her collar bone.

She drew back as much as she could when leaning against a wall. “I really think I can do this for myself.”

“It’s safer if you have help, otherwise you might exacerbate your injuries.” He reached for the uniform jacket she was wearing.

She shook her head and tried to take her undershirt away from him.

Pike wanted to sigh but knew it would only make her fell more self-conscious. The twinge in his side was starting to throb. If he could get her reasonably comfortable, which was going to be difficult with no sleeping bags, she would rest, and he needed rest as well. No longer able to conceal the weariness in his voice he asked. “Ensign, do I have to make this an order?”

Tilly stared at him, held the mylar blanket close, shook her head again and frowned. A couple of minutes later, when he didn’t budge, she gave in and followed his instructions. Gently he maneuvered her into the undershirt. Then replaced the sling and put his uniform jacket around her shoulders. He had to slit the side seam in the pants to avoid the splint around her leg. Once she was dressed, he covered her with the warmed blanket and helped her lay down, fashioning a pillow from an extra piece of blanket and cushioning her shoulders with her uniform jacket under one and another blanket fragment under the other. Ten minutes after getting another dose of pain medication, she was asleep.

Shivering, Pike tiredly sat down near the fire, positioning so he could monitor Tilly. He set his internal clock to wake up in two hours and allowed himself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**A Week Earlier**

Pike was examining the three-dimensional rendering of the seven signals trying to discern a pattern or a clue to its intent that had been overlooked when the door to his ready room chimed. Mostly, he admitted to himself, it was an attempt to will the phenomenon to give up its secrets. Commander Saru strode into the room not waiting for permission, looking ready to argue. _And so begins today’s first round of boundary testing_ Pike thought as he closed the display.

“I must protest!” Saru started without preamble, or captain, or sir. A frequent habit since his Vahar’ai. One Pike was choosing to ignore for now giving Saru time to come to terms with all the physiological and emotional changes.

“You read my notes on your mission plan for the trinary system?” Pike asked keeping his tone of voice mild and pleasant.

“Yes! And you may not beam down to the planet. Nor play on the rocks. I won’t permit it.” The volume of Saru’s voice increased with each sentence.

“I am an experienced rock climber and the best resource on board if that is required by one of the survey teams.” Pike smiled then added, “And captains need fresh air too.”

“Immaterial. You are vital personnel and I won’t allow you to crawl down a mountain just to retrieve a mineral sample.” Saru responded while jabbing his finger at the captain to emphasize the point.

_I should ask my father if I was this confrontational and quarrelsome during my teenage years. Nope, no need, I can imagine his answer._ Over the past few weeks, Pike came to view, with sympathy, this growth phase Saru was enduring as the Kelpien equivalent of human male teenage years. Serving in Starfleet, Pike expected and even welcomed dealing with unforeseen circumstances. Managing a teenager was not one of them. “Please sit down.”

Saru remained standing and his eyes narrowed as he contemplated how to manage his vexing Captain.

“That wasn’t a request,” Pike added.

Saru huffed and sat down, hard, in the chair in front of the desk, emphasizing he was complying but under protest. “I won’t relent.”

“And you shouldn’t.”

Saru continued, not listening, “You may be the most skilled rock climber on board, but you are also the only _captain_ on board.”

“If you were listening, you would have heard me agree with you.”

“Good. I’m done here then.” Saru looked satisfied.

_He will be dismissing me from my own ready room next._ “Not quite. I _will_ beam down at some point during the day.” When Saru started to protest, Pike held up his hand, “Not negotiable.” He paused and considered before continuing. “But I’ll leave the climbing equipment on board the ship. By the way, despite whatever rumors you are hearing I am not accident prone. You can check my medical records to verify I have had relatively few injuries.”

_Relative to what? You jumped on an overloading phaser._ Saru thought, then started his protest, “But …”

“Commander, it’s important to learn when to declare victory and depart the field.”

Saru clenched his jaw deciding, wisely, to hold back his response.

“Is there anything else?” Pike asked politely. Saru shook his head. “Very well.” Pike opened the display of the seven signals. Saru continued sitting. For fifteen minutes. As the time passed, his angry posture relaxed, and he began to look pensive. Then puzzled. Then uneasy. Pike decided to let this play out without intervention and continued to study his display.

“Captain, may I ask you a question?”

“Always. I’ll give you as complete an answer as I can unless circumstances dictate otherwise.” Pike cancelled the display and gave Saru his full attention.

“It is … well it is somewhat personal. Well more than somewhat.” Saru looked around the room rather than directly at his Captain as he spoke.

“You’re my first officer. That is a close and personal relationship in many ways. There is no concern that is out of bounds.”

“Since Vahar’ai, I feel, ummm, l feel less confident. And physically awkward.” Pike nodded but stayed silent letting Saru set the pace of the conversation. A couple of minutes later Saru continued, “My emotional reactions feel more intense and I never seem to do or say the right thing. It’s like when I first joined Starfleet. Then I was closer to pure Kelpien behavior, more timid, more frightened, unable to fit in. This feels like that period, only, well sorry for repetition, more intense.” Looking miserable, Saru hung his head.

Pike called the bridge and asked for calls to be held. Grabbing a couple of mugs from the replicator, he motioned for Saru to join him in the sitting area. Once Saru sat, Pike handed him a mug of tea and a shaker of salt. He sipped his own coffee until Saru was ready to continue.

Saru found having something to do with his hands, holding the mug and salting his tea, calmed and focused him. “When I feel uncertain of my abilities, I overcompensate and am often aggressive. Other times I feel invincible and afraid of nothing. Then I am overbearing and often aggressive. I can swing between these two opposites within a few minutes. Sometimes I am aware my behavior is out of line, but I cannot temper it. Do you ever feel this way?”

Pike took a few seconds before responding. “Lacking composure? Uncertain? Absolutely convinced I am right when I am not? Knowing better but still pushing? Yes. Did you experience anything similar as you matured?”

Saru shook his head. “Our bodies grow physically, and we learn and then take on our roles in the village, but we experience no emotional or behavioral changes.”

“Human children experience mood swings and behavior challenges when they transition into adulthood in addition to physical changes. They constantly push at their boundaries, battle to expand their independence. My parents frequently remind me we were fortunate to survive it. Perhaps Vahar’ai triggers a similar process.”

“How long?” Saru asked.

“I don’t think its useful to compare between species. The aftermath of Vahar’ai is especially difficult for you with no one to guide you through it. Right now, your experiences are uncomfortable. But it may also be a period of exploration and good discoveries.”

Sipping his tea, Saru sat quietly, thinking, deciding. “There is more. Though I am not sure if it is appropriate to speak of. But it is not … I need advice and I do not wish to confide in Dr. Pollard.”

“Go ahead.”

“I am having dreams … very realistic dreams … they are unsettling.” Saru felt his body temperature rise and his palms start sweating. Just thinking about the dreams caused a reaction.

“I see.”

“And tend to happen after I have spent the evening with our botanist discussing flora and fauna from my home world. They are pleasant evenings, discussing a topic we both enjoy. Did I mention she has honey blonde hair and green eyes like Kelpien spring ferns?”

“No.”

“And she is very tall, I don’t feel like I am towering over her. That is a welcome.” Pike nodded. Speaking as fast as he could, Saru finished, “Sometimes I have an uncomfortable physical reaction during the dreams. Perhaps I am ill.”

Pike made sure to keep his tone unconcerned. “Did you have these … reactions … before Vahar’ai?”

Saru looked horrified. “Never. Why? Kelpiens only induce _that_ ritual for procreation. Otherwise it is considered abnormal and barbaric. I left before I was required to perform that duty.”

“How do Kelpiens choose their mates?” Pike asked.

“The village elders choose a genetically compatible male and female and they form a family unit. When the time is appropriate, they will be assigned the task of procreation, there is a tea that prepares our minds and bodies.”

“Perhaps, along with the genetic changes to your fear response, your body is growing into a different sexual maturity?”

Saru looked more horrified. “You mean it might continue? Do you experience this?”

Pike took a deep breath. “I did. It is common for teenage human males, rarer for adult human males. Part of our physical maturing process. You will gain more … control.” Saru looked bewildered. Pike was unsure if his answers were helpful.

“Do you have any advice?”

Pike smiled. “Keep an open mind? It’s a new experience. You let go of the parts of your culture you outgrew. Your attitude about this may change as well. Go back to work. Distraction also helps.”

Saru nodded and rose from the chair. “May we speak of this again?”

“Yes.”

ooooo

Saru stared out the viewport of the ready room, thinking back to his conversation with the Captain last week. An uncomfortable conversation but it was helpful. Curious afterwards, he researched growth stages for human children. What he learned was terrifying … and intriguing. It might be pleasant to procreate with Kayleigh and the Captain would be the Kelpien equivalent of a village elder, perhaps he would inquire … He shook his head to clear it.

Then he thought about Captain Pike’s last words before Discovery left orbit ahead of the geomagnetic storm, stranding Pike and Tilly … “I recognize you are dealing with what is, at times, overwhelming biological and behavioral changes. A lesser officer would falter, but I have faith you can and will take care of our crew.” The self-confidence that instilled was starting to ebb away. Should he ignore the Captain’s orders and return to the planet now? Though that would be dangerous for the ship and crew. Yet the Captain risked both to rescue Tilly from the mycelial network. Were the situations similar? Why was it harder to make decisions now that he felt less timid, less hunted?

Setting that aside for a while, he returned to reviewing status reports. All ships’ systems were functioning normally, including the transporter. They were monitoring the storm from this location and he expected an update presently. Michael signaled for permission to enter the ready room. Once granted, she rushed in and laid the scan results in front of Saru. “It’s getting worse. In ways we did not anticipate. We have to go get them.”

Saru reviewed the scans. “When did this start?”

“About an hour ago. A vortex formed over the northern pole and the strength of the winds drove it south. Its forming a massive ice storm. Temperatures are dropping quickly. We knew the weather would be bad, but we never expected such a temperature drop nearer the equator.” Michael explained in a rushed voice.

“You now estimate the effects of the geometric disturbance will continue for at least 12 hours after it subsides?”

Michael nodded. “Commander, Saru, this is bad! We can’t leave them there. Tilly may be hurt and if so she needs to be in Sickbay with a real doctor, not in a freezing storm.”

“I understand the stakes and the complexities Michael.”

“You have to _do_ something,” she pleaded.

“I intend to follow the Captain’s orders and return to the planet 24 hours after the effects have dissipated.”

“That will be too late. This is one of those situations where you need to follow your own instincts. And listen to the advice of your senior officer. You have more information than the Captain did when he gave those orders. You know better than he does.” Michael continued to push, frantic. Needing to save her friend.

Saru felt his composure slipping and his response was harsher than intended, but then that seemed to be his current pattern. Old grievances kept surfacing and getting entangled with the present. “Commander, _why_ would I follow the advice of a _disgraced first officer_ who decided _her_ decision to fire at the Klingons first _had_ to be the right one?”

Michael’s mouth gaped open, as if she intended to speak but too many things tried to rush out at once. Then she straightened her shoulders, took a deep breath and tried again. “Sir, I was wrong then, but I am right today. Going back to the planet is the best course of action. We can protect the ship. Maybe we can jump in and limit exposure? Going back is the correct action, the logical action. Please think about all the times I have been right. That should give my recommendation credence.”

With his own doubts about the best course of action plaguing him, Saru lashed out. “Logical? You preach logic as if only you and the Vulcans can possibly achieve it. In this case, logic dictates I follow the orders of a experienced captain, one who looks at the entire picture and not just an overwhelming need, which informs so many of your actions, to ensure no one you care for is ever lost again. Return to your post. You will not repeat this recommendation to anyone else. Dismissed.”

It took Michael several seconds to accept his orders and move to follow them. She was hurt and confused. They had become closer after his Valar’ai and she thought they had finally moved on from the past. His response to her recommendation was out of proportion. She had made it respectfully and based on data. Then composed, level-headed, _mild_ Saru yelled – yelled! – at her. Was he, perhaps, no longer fit for command? Should she step-in? Would Dr. Pollard support that? No. That was the path that led to her ruin before. It was time to slow down. Gather more data. Explore ways to protect the ship. There was time to change his mind.

Saru regretted his reaction to Michael’s request - losing control with a subordinate. But then he was so damn tired of her constant questioning of everything. She was always so sure she was right and could fix everything. No. Step back. Don’t personalize. That he learned from observing Captain Pike. Saru was conflicted over the right choice and took his frustration with that out on Michael. Yes, she out of line. Pushing her boundaries. It was his responsibility to allow that within reason as it was part of her learning process. Just as the Captain did with him.

WWCPD – What would Captain Pike do? – a phrase Saru repeated to himself when approaching a tough decision. Pike would observe, gathering more information, keep an open mind. He resolved to follow that example.

ooooo

Warm, semi-comfortable, and exhausted, Tilly slept not noticing when Pike checked her pulse, rewarmed her blanket and fed the fire every couple of hours. When he woke her mid-way through the night, she protested loudly. “No, go away, I want to sleep. I was having the best dream.” She was too groggy to know if she added _about you_ out loud or only in her head. And she couldn’t tell based on Pike’s reaction or rather lack of reaction. He was squatting beside her and removing the blanket. Which she grabbed back; then she tried to turn on her side and face away from him. That made her dizzy and caused intense pain.

“Yeah that was a bad idea.” Pike said his eyes sympathetic.

“Thanks so much for pointing out the obvious.” She hissed between the waves of pain. He held out his hand which she took and held onto tightly until the pain eased.

“It’s getting colder. You will be warmer on the opposite side of the fire away from the door. Moving will hurt but you can have another dose of pain medication afterwards, are you ready?”

She nodded.

“Can you put your arms around my neck? He leaned as close to her as he could while still keeping his balance. “Stretch your arms as little as possible.” After several aborted attempts she managed to circle her arms loosely around his neck and clasp her hands together. The effort drained her and she rested her head against his shoulder.

He could see the tears pooling in her eyes shifting his protective instincts into overdrive. But the best he could do for her at the moment was get this over with as quickly as possible. He put one arm across her back and another under her knees. “On three. Keep your broken leg straight and still. Let me do the work, and don’t worry, I’ve got you. I’ve always got you. Okay, one, two, three.” And before she could protest, she was in his arms, on the other side of the fire and back on the ground, leaning against the wall.

“Any nausea or dizziness? You are very pale.” Pike asked looking at her with concern.

Forgetting the pain for a moment, her brain kicked into gear and of course that started her thoughts racing. _Did Captain Pike just pick me up in his arms? Is this still part of my dream? But if it’s a dream why can I feel pain?_

“Ensign?” His voice now sounded alarmed.

“W..what? I … zoned out for a minute.”

“Are you nauseous or dizzy? Your color is improving but you were ashen for a few minutes.”

“No. When do I get those pain meds you promised?”

Pike chuckled and handed her a bottle of water and a piece of a protein bar. “Soon. Eat and take a couple of sips. Then pain meds.”

“You keep holding the pain meds out as a carrot and then jerking it away. And by the way, you can be really bossy,” she sulked.

That comment elicited a laugh. “Basically, that _is_ my job. And the job you want someday.” While she sipped the water and nibbled the food he remade her makeshift bed.

“May I ask another question?

“Yes.”

“I know you understand astrophysics, physics and astronomy are entwined in everything we do on a starship.”

“Is there a question coming?”

Tilly rolled her eyes. “Summon a bit of patience, I’m getting to it. It would be obvious if you didn’t understand the data being fed to you, and you passed the comprehensive orals required of all cadets at the Academy which definitely includes astrophysics. How did you fail the class? And why didn’t you repeat the class and clear the F from your record?”

“That’s actually two questions, again without me getting one.” Pike teased.

“No, it’s one question and it’s natural follow-up. So technically it’s one question. Quit stalling, you have to answer, those are the rules.”

“Now who is bossy? I don’t remember that rule; maybe you are thinking of truth or dare? Which we are _definitely_ _not_ going to play.” Pike finished rather emphatically.

_There is probably a juicy story behind that last remark._ Tilly thought. “Are you going to answer? I could think up another question.”

“Not necessary. I failed the class because I was focused on other things.”

“Other things?”

“Other things - competition and infatuation. Which is all I will say. I kept the F because my parents said no to the makeup class. I was 17 and they had to give permission. They thought keeping the F would be a good reminder to make better choices. And my father spent the summer drilling me in far more astrophysics topics than taught in the class. That was my punishment. At the time I was furious with them. Now I agree with their choice. And it’s a great ice-breaker to tell a group of cadets or junior officers I failed that class.”

Pike settled her back in the bed he made once she finished the food and water and took dose of pain medication. She watched him tack the mylar blanket over the cave opening to cut down on the cold draft and heat loss.

“Wait.” She raised her head. “Don’t you need that blanket?”

Pike looked over his shoulder, “Lay back down, you’re still at risk for vertigo.” He stared at her until she complied then returned to finishing the temporary door. “I’m acclimated to cold desert nights. The fire provides enough warmth for me.”

That sounded reasonable but not quite right. Not logical. She really should protest, but the brief activity exhausted her and the need for sleep was too strong.

Pike took a few sips of his water rations while he evaluated the weather change. The temperature was colder than anticipated and dropping rapidly. At this rate the firewood would be gone by early morning. The rain looked thicker, as if changing to a solid. He held out his hand to capture it, yes definitely sleet. The clouds were ominous, inky black mixed with red and ebon gray, laden with moisture and solid enough to look like a mountain range in the distance. He should lay in a couple days’ supply of firewood soon so it would dry enough to be useful. The twinge in his right side was still present, but manageable. A large bruise was developing on that side after he smashed into the jagged edge of the outcropping when stopping Tilly’s fall over the side. But he could live with a bruise.

Tilly was sleeping soundly, that gave him several hours to gather the wood and avoid her waking up alone. He headed out into the sleet to get started.


	5. Chapter 5

The storm hit with the fury of a hurricane about 20 minutes after Pike brought in the last load of wood. He estimated the winds were at Category 2-3 strength, it was whipping the precipitation into funnel clouds of glass shards. During the last hours as he searched for and gathered firewood the steady sleet had changed over to relentless icing. His clothes were now stiff, caked with a layer of frost.

He checked Tilly’s pulse and was pleased to find it stronger and steadier. She had grown accustomed to his periodic examinations and didn’t stir. Judging she was sleeping deeply, he started arranging the wood to allow it to dry out.

He couldn’t stop shivering and the exertion only made him feel colder. Wearing wet clothes while they dried was one thing but working in an ice-encrusted long-sleeved crew shirt was something else. His CMO on Enterprise, Phil Boyce, would chide that the Captain was caught in his own trap – if a junior officer in this situation chose modesty needlessly putting his health and his team’s safety at risk over practicality, Pike would, in detail, explain the error of the junior crewman’s decision. He looked over at Tilly to make sure she was still asleep and then sighing, pulled of his shirt, laid it by the fire to dry and went back to work.

Tilly had awakened about half an hour before Pike brought the last load of firewood into the cave. Her first instinct was panic after realizing she was alone, but she had calmed herself and then dozed lightly on and off. Hearing movement, she lifted her head a little and opened one eye.

And then quickly opened the other. Was that the Captain, shirtless and muscles flexing, stacking wood? _Of course, it’s the Captain, Silly Tilly_ , she thought, _you and he are the only two people on the planet._ Which led to thoughts of being the only two people left to repopulate the species … though Michael would remind her that wasn’t possible as two people would not offer provide genetic diversity … Michael really knew how to ruin a clichéd, but really good fantasy.

It took all her discipline not to squeal with … _with what? Excitement? Joy? Overwhelment from the total hotness? Was overwhelment even a word? Besides, you don’t want to sound like an overexcited piglet_ she chided herself. Their uniforms didn’t hide much, but also didn’t do the Captain full justice. He was even better than she imagined – firm well-toned arms, chest, abs and back, trim waist and broad shoulders. She wiggled just enough to lean to the right slightly and rest her head on her arm, allowing an uninterrupted view of the show without giving away that she was awake (very, very awake) and watching.

Next, he gathered a set of what appeared to be large leaves, each the size of a basketball and possessing a long heavy stem and started weaving them together creating a long curtain. _How odd_ , Tilly thought, _what could that be for?_ The question was soon answered after he hung it between the mylar blanket serving as a door to the cave and the outdoors.

He then carried three heavy armloads of wood across the cave and stacked them near the fire. She shifted positions a bit to keep him in sight. The faint noise that caused drew his attention and she quickly closed her eyes, relaxing her body and trying to slow her breathing. Satisfied she was still asleep he dug a knife out of his pants pocket and sat down. Picking up one of the logs, he stripped off the bark. _Must be another ninja survival technique_ she thought. The mental picture of Captain Pike dressed in a black ninja outfit fighting his enemies almost made her giggle out loud.

With the Captain seated near the fire, she could see his face clearly and she judged they must have been planet side more than a day as his chin and cheeks were starting to look scruffy, a sexy scruffy, the stubble growing in a salt and pepper pattern. He shuddered slightly and then pulled his pants legs away from his skin and twisted – hard – again and again. Water flowed onto the ground. After a few minutes he rolled his eyes, she guessed at himself. Maybe he has conversations with himself too? _Oh, red alert, red alert, he’s taking off the pants._ _Could this day get any better?_

_Turns out it could_ she thought as she admired the heavily muscled legs. In her mind everything about him shouted strength and agility. _Wouldn’t it be amazing to have all that put to good use wrapped around me? Wait – no – no don’t do it!!!_

Once he sat back down, Pike had positioned himself behind the fire and was mostly hidden from her view. From any angle – she tried them all. Disappointed she tried to look on the bright side – now when playing truth or dare or a weird version of trivial pursuit – she could, accurately, answer the important question about the Captain’s preference for boxers or briefs. Smiling Tilly went back to sleep.

When she woke the Captain was dressed ( _damn!_ ) and getting another bag of IV fluids ready. Smiling he crouched down and asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Better? Definitely less pain.” She answered thinking _because I have such happy endorphins_. She narrowly managed not to blurt out asking why he got dressed. Better he didn’t know he had been the star of her own private Chippendales performance.

“Good, because I need to ration the pain meds. The weather keeps getting worse.”

She nodded, “I can manage. What are you doing?”

“You’re still dehydrated, and this will help. It’s better than before, but not enough.” She winced a little as he inserted the IV shunt. “Sorry, I’m not nearly skilled enough to do this without causing discomfort. But this is the last time, I promise.” After of flash of the dimples she felt better.

“How do you know I am dehydrated without a medical scanner?”

Pike picked up her hand and gently pinched the top. “See how the skin is loose? The less taut and firm the skin is, the more dehydrated you are.”

“Where did you learn that?”

“The basic emergency medical course every crewmember is required to pass to serve on a starship.” He looked annoyed for a minute, but it quickly passed. “I assume from your question you have not. Taken it that is, I know you would pass it.” She shook her head. “They took a lot of odd short cuts during the war,” he remarked and helped her sit up before handing her a pill and a bottle of water. “Just a few sips, we’re rationing that too.”

“What’s the pill?”

“An antibiotic, you look a little flushed. And eat this.” He sat down beside her.

“Another piece of a power bar? Ugh. I never liked them. Where’s yours?”

“I don’t need anything right now.” Pike answered and changed the subject. “Did you learn anything about the unusual energy reading you were chasing?”

The diversion worked as Tilly kicked into eager scientist mode. “I took a lot of scans, but those are gone, I dropped my tricorder when I fell.”

Pike grinned at her, “If you behave the rest of the time we are here, which includes not falling off any other cliffs, I will have the ship’s sensors investigate.”

“Not a problem. I have no desire to fall over any more rocks or even climb safely down at a sedate pace.”

“That’s too bad, rock climbing is enjoyable under better conditions.”

Tilly just made a face. “Not even if you go with me.” _Oops, did I just say that?_ “My turn to ask you a question.”

“Ok, but nothing too outlandish, I need sleep and I don’t want you to trick me into revealing secrets.” Pike teased.

“What is that leaf thingy hanging over the cave opening for?” She almost revealed her secret by adding - that you wove together.

“A buffer against the cold, like insulation. It’s probably below zero out there right now.”

“Clever, I suppose that’s in some survival course I missed.”

“No, an anthropology teacher in high school who liked practical field trips. And taught us primitive doesn’t mean less valuable. Owo unlocked a door with a wire and a magnet on New Eden – old school but effective.”

“And what happened to the bark on the wood stacked by the fire?” Tilly asked.

“I stripped it. That limits the smoke coming off the fire.”

“Another lesson from the anthropology class?”

Pike shook his head and suppressed a chuckle. “Basic camping which I assume was not a big part of your childhood.”

“My mother considers a hotel without room service to be camping.” Then she looked a little sad. “I’m not sure if my father likes camping.”

Pike decided it was time for another subject change. “Any dizziness?” Tilly shook her head. “Good. Now that the IV is finished, it’s time to get you up and moving around.” Tilly looked doubtful, standing and walking? Sitting up was exhausting. “Just for a few minutes this first time.” Pike knelt by her left side and put her arm over his shoulders. “Lean on me and remember don’t put any weight on your broken leg.” He lifted her and once she was standing put his arm around her waist.

“Okay?” He asked. She looked uncertain but nodded. Slowly and awkwardly they made it to the other side of the cave. Once there, after a sudden wave of nausea and dizziness, she sagged against his chest, clutching his shirt for support, eyes teary from the pain. Before she could speak, she was in his arms. Carrying her back to the fire he whispered in her ear, “Very good for your first time but that’s enough for now.” After making her as comfortable as possible, he held her hand until she slept.

Pike looked outside to check the storm. It had coated everything with two inches of ice and there was no end in sight. They might be here longer than he first anticipated. With Tilly stable and plenty of wood gathered, his concern turned to their available water supply. He decided to cut back on his rations stretching the water one or two more days. The twinge in his side was worse but manageable. He assumed he pulled a muscle when catching Tilly as she tumbled off the ledge. Having made the best of their situation, now all he could do was care for Tilly and wait out the storm.

Sitting and then briefly standing and walking was enough activity to trigger a lengthy healing sleep and Tilly woke later feeling rested. “What time is it?” she asked.

Pike walked over. “Late evening and here is dinner.” He handed her water and part of a power bar. Beginning to detest the power bars she made a face and pushed it away.

“No dinner, no pain meds. A simple choice.” Pike told her.

She reluctantly held out her hand and then demanded, “But I want the pain pills now as well, so you don’t bait and switch me.”

“Very amusing.” He handed the pills over and sat down beside her.

Tilly perked up. “My turn for a question.” When he glanced at her sideways she added, “It will pass the time. What about sports? Did you play football or soccer?”

“Track and field is more my thing.”

“Did you compete?”

“A little in high school and in college.”

“College for you was the Academy.” Tilly thought for a minute, “Wait, the only track and field event at the Academy is the decathlon.”

Pike shrugged. “Yeah. My turn. Same question for you. Sports.”

_That was a quick subject change after a vague and nonchalant answer._ Tilly narrowed her eyes as she thought about it and then made a mental note to do some research when they got back to the ship. “Me and sports? Not so much when I was a kid, unless math or taking something apart was involved. I think I dissembled and reassembled everything machine in our house. And added improvements. Michael forced me to start training for marathons. Said it was a good way to get noticed when I was competing for a position on a bigger ship or the first officer track program. I hated it at first but now I find it both invigorating and relaxing if that makes sense.”

“Yes, it called runner’s high.”

“Rumor is you like horses.”

“My first officer on the Enterprise would warn you off that question explaining that given an opportunity I talk about them long past anyone’s interest. Well that’s not exactly how she puts it, my version is polite. Do you still want to ask the question?”

“Absolutely. I know nothing about horses other than they are big and scary.”

“They can also be gentle. Each has their own personality. They are very loyal and form bonds with each other as well as people. They express emotions. And that’s enough for your introduction to the topic. I need to add wood to the fire.”

“This is nice. Getting to know the person behind the Captain,” she called over to him.

“That is something you need to think about as you progress through the command training program – how much of your whole self you want to reveal to those under your command.” Pike said as he returned and sat back down beside her. Anticipating her next question, he added “There is no right or wrong answer.”

Through the rest of the evening and into the night they continued talking about casual, inconsequential things. Pike noticed she began to squirm and yawn. More and more. “I think it is time for you to turn in.” He helped her scoot away from the wall and lay back. Once she was settled, he banked the fire for the night and laid down between the door of the cave and Tilly so anything unexpected would have to get through him to reach her. Satisfied there was nothing else needing attention, he slept.

Tilly could not get comfortable. This second night, the ground felt harder, which shouldn’t be possible. She squirmed trying to relieve the pressure on her back. It was sore and the hard surface intensified that. With a splinted leg, wrapped wrist and sling immobilizing her arm and protecting her collarbone on her left side and a sore right shoulder, she couldn’t turn to her side. She tried to distract herself, but the need to move, to ease her aching back kept building. A spasm ripped through her lower back and she cried out.

Pike was on his feet and at her side in an instant. “What’s wrong?” Unintentionally it came out as an order as he searched for new injuries.

“My lower back, I think the muscles seized. And the rest of my back is so sore, it hurts when it touches the walls or the ground.” Tilly replied, tears pooling in her eyes.

He eased her on her side and lifted her shirt. A dark purple bruise covered her entire back from when she landed, hard, on the ledge. “Oh Tilly.”

“What? Is it bad?”

“Your back is seriously bruised. Which explains the discomfort. Bruises can take a while to develop. And your muscles are reacting to the rocks. Are you having any problems laying on your side?” She shook her head. “If you can tolerate this position for half an hour, I should be able to relax the muscles. Is that OK with you?” She nodded.

Slowly and gently, then with increasing pressure he massaged her lower back. It hurt at first but then the spasms subsided, and it was … delightful. She couldn’t hold back a moan of pleasure. Pike stopped the massage and leaned over to ask, “Am I hurting you?” All she could manage was to shake her head vigorously as she begged him not to stop and struggled not to think about what else those talented hands could do. Much too quickly it was over.

Pike looked around the cave for anything he could repurpose to make a Tilly a softer, more comfortable place to rest. But there were no other supplies left. Except him. Wanting to ease her suffering, he sat beside her, very close, his back against the cave wall. “Tilly, I need you to keep your broken leg from moving as I turn you. This may hurt but it will be much better once you are settled. Ready?”

Still feeling relaxed from the massage, she cooed yes. And a minute later she was nestled between his legs and leaning against his chest, his arms around her so she wouldn’t fall in either direction. Sighing with relief she snuggled closer and drifted to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Pike decided that being off the hard floor of the cave must have eased the pain from Tilly’s bruised and spasming back, because now she slept deeply. Though not motionless. She had turned slightly, laying one hand on his chest and grasping his shirt in her fist. Periodically she swayed her hips and squirmed. But both seemed to be due to a more relaxed and natural sleeping rhythm rather than discomfort. She was recovering from the concussion and stable, eliminating one of his concerns.

But rest eluded him, and his thoughts bounced from topic to topic. He was certain Una and Phil would tease him unmercifully about this. At some point Tilly would, probably unintentionally, talk about the experience from her perspective, and his First Officer’s byzantine-like spy network would funnel the information to her. Which she would immediately share with his CMO to maximize their Captain’s discomfort.

To counter the teasing, Chris would remind them he was relieving the intense pain of a person under his care. That he was a disciplined man who had spent a great deal of time training his mind and body and they were in the middle of, while not dire, but still a serious situation. And given those two salient points, of course he was not affected … physically. Phil, an aficionado of romance novels which was a closely held secret as he had spent a great deal of time cultivating his reputation as a curmudgeon, would smile knowingly but say nothing. Once done poking fun and making mischief, Phil would pour drinks and launch into one of his periodic, but fond scoldings, regarding Chris’s personal life. Or rather lack thereof.

Phil had enjoyed a happy, but sadly brief, marriage. And believed all should experience a connection of that depth.

While Chris had enjoyed a few satisfying relationships none had risen to a level of seriousness to consider a longer-term commitment. At this point in the scolding, Phil would usually chide Chris for being afraid of, no, uncomfortable with an intimate commitment. But that wasn’t an issue, at least Chris didn’t think so and he prided himself on his ability to be objective about who he is and his thoughts and feelings. Mostly it was due to his determination not to hurt someone he cared for.

He had no interest in a long-distance relationship where it might be years between visits home. And months between even real-time conversations. That left a crewmember serving under his command. Being his partner would not be easy. She would have to have a strong sense of self, to be discrete. Someone who would understand she was his most important long-term priority but often not the most urgent priority. Able to be part of the crew and for some colleagues, slightly apart. Cope with the danger he often faced and its aftereffects, but hopefully, not be in a job that exposed her to a similar amount of danger. He laughed to himself, OK, _that_ was a double standard. Chris was also realistic. His position in Starfleet would completely overshadow her. Who would want to put up with all of that simply to be with him?

His lack of a committed relationship so far was also due to timing and circumstance. When he switched from the part of Starfleet that was more focused on soldiering – fast ships that executed lightening quick missions in hostile areas – to deep space exploration, he was assigned as second officer on the USS Aryabhatta. A difficult ending to a relationship with a fellow crewmember there made him cautious. Next, he was appointed first officer on the Enterprise and then promoted to captain. Both assignments left little time and opportunity for romance as he was still skittish about involvement with a fellow crewmember, the ship spent most of its assignment in deep space and well, first officers and captains have extraordinarily little personal time.

But the lingering effects of his experiences on Talos IV had him reevaluating and admitting maybe there was room in his life for something more. That it would be nice to have someone to share the experiences. To build intimacy over time on every level – physical, emotional, spiritual.

His thoughts strayed to the young woman that was literally in his lap. Then, as if she sensed that, she opened her eyes briefly, smiled, and resettled against him. Aware of her crush and that these past few days would only make it harder for her, Chris wanted to find a way to help.

He was under no illusion that crush was an attraction to him personally but rather his age and position. He was a symbol of safety and authority. Someone who valued her, showed an interest in her future. Attention that was welcome to a young girl whose only significant male role models so far were an absent, unengaged father and an ego-maniacal captain. It was not uncommon for young officers to feel an attraction to their commanding officer which was usually transference rather than real. He had dealt with it before.

Yet, under different circumstances, at a different time in her life, if what she felt for him was genuine …


	7. Chapter 7

**Three Weeks Ago**

Saru raised his hand to announce his presence but hesitated, unsure. It was unlikely the Captain was asleep as it was 11:30pm ship’s time and he knew Pike tended to work late. There was no one else on board with whom Saru felt he might confide. Yet since his question/problem was personal, probably inappropriate and maybe even out-of-bounds, Saru continued to waver before finally deciding to go with his question unasked, his problem unresolved, his knowledge incomplete.

As he turned to leave, the door opened and Pike, looking down at the PADD he was holding, nearly walked into Saru. Avoiding a collision at the last second, the Captain looked up, concerned. “Commander – is there a problem?”

“No … sir … I was … going … to ask for a moment of your time. But it can wait.” Saru started timidly and then finished rapidly.

“No need to wait.”

Saru continued to stand just outside the door of the Captain’s quarters. “In hindsight I realize it is improper to interrupt you at this time of the day for an issue that is personal and not time sensitive.”

“Come.” Pike gestured toward the door.

Reluctantly Saru entered and sat in the offered chair. “Thank you, sir.” He had dreaded when a situation required a conversation with Captain Lorca in these quarters. As if the coldness and sharpness of the man inhabiting the rooms permeated the space. Perhaps he was imagining or projecting, but now the space felt warm and comfortable to Saru. Welcoming. Safe. Though the standard décor remained, and the Captain had not added any personal items. “I would like your permission to ask for advice.”

“Shoot.” Saru looked startled and confused so Pike amended, “Go ahead.”

“I want to spend time with a member of this crew in a manner unrelated to work. _In no way related to work._ ” The last sentence sounded like a squeak as Saru’s voice climbed an octave. Since Vahar'ai his voice would sometimes, without warning, break or change pitch. Saru found this alarming and embarrassing.

Typically, his first officer on Discovery conversed in a lengthy expository manner, logically moving his listener from A to Z. And sometimes he started at Z, blindsiding with a completely unexpected question. But Pike was fluent in Spock and experienced with translating. “You want to ask this crewmember out.” When Saru looked unsure and didn’t respond, Pike added, “In the English vernacular - you want to go on a date.”

“Yes. With Commander Jordan, our botanist. She is – pleasant. And I find her – intriguing. What are the correct protocols?”

Pike held back his chuckle as, at this point, Saru would not understand why that question was humorous. If one could determine the ‘correct protocols’ for dating, the ones that would guarantee success, all the wealth in the galaxy would flow their way. “I can share my limited knowledge. Though I am certain there are others on board who could provide better recommendations as friends will tell you I don’t excel in this area.”

Having seen the men and women who looked at the Captain with more than professional interest, Saru thought Pike’s last statement was due to his humility rather than his skills. Or perhaps the Captain chose not to pursue those opportunities? Regardless, Saru trusted the Captain. “I want to do this well and believe your recommendations will be appropriate. I am unfamiliar with human rituals for … dating.”

“Are there conventions for dating on your home world? In your village?”

“Kelpiens choose their mates for biological and character compatibility. We socialize with family and in groups. We do not spend time together one-on-one for any purpose other than work.”

“That is … limiting. Are you looking for friendship or something more?” Pike asked.

Saru realized he did not know the answer. He and Commander Jordan shared common interests, as he did with others on board. Why was he singling her out for this unusual interaction? “She is often in my thoughts. At times, consumes my thoughts,” Saru hesitated, as if he had a secret that should not be shared, “… when I should be thinking of other things.”

“Perhaps you feel a physical attraction.”

“I do not know sir.” Saru shook his head and looked dejected. “I have never experienced a physical attraction to another before.” Then he added, “I think she is special, and I want her to be aware of that.”

Pike smiled, “Then you already understand the next step. To let her know she is special to you, demonstrate it.”

“How? Every scenario I plan is like an overeager cadet on his first space cruise. That is _not_ the atmosphere I wish to create.”

“A quiet voice has more volume than shouting. Keep it simple. Find a private place, which I admit is a challenge on a starship.” After Saru’s questioning look, Pike added, “Quarters are too intimate at this stage.” Saru looked relieved – and started taking copious notes.

“Share something unique to you; personal but not too personal.” In answer to Saru’s unspoken _I do not understand_ , Pike continued, “Which I realize sounds like a contradiction. It’s about balance – too little signals you see her as a casual friend or co-worker. Too much could … add unneeded awkwardness and make it uncomfortable for you both.”

“What about conversation?”

“Talking is good.”

With eyes narrowed, Saru’s expression mirrored that seen by every parent of a teenager, regardless of species. The ‘I am being patient because it turns out, surprisingly, you actually do have a _tiny_ bit of knowledge that I want and need’ look.

“Okay, fair point.” Pike conceded laughing. “Planning helps. Give her a small gift, something that will start a conversation that is interesting to her. That was the advice my father gave me.

“This is incredibly complicated.”

“Not really, I mean it doesn’t need to be. Here’s an example. My mother is a veterinarian. For their first date, my father researched the many ways animals symbolize cultural and spiritual aspects in different societies.” If Saru had eyebrows, he would have raised one. Pike shook his head, “You have to know my father. When they got to the resume portion of the evening, he steered the conversation to a favorite subject, her patients, adding his own twist. She still remembers it fondly.”

“A resume?” Saru queried the computer for a definition. “Ah, I do not have one, would my service record suffice?”

“Not important, or needed, just a human expression referring to questions often asked on a first date. Such as where did you go to school or where do you work.”

“I see.” Saru stopped and considered. “I am already well read in the subject of botany. This may not be as intimidating as I feared.”

“No, it won’t be. And your natural empathy will serve you well in this.”

Saru stood. “Thank you, Captain. I now formally request permission to see Commander Jordan socially.”

Pike waited before responding, thinking through why Saru believed his commanding officer’s consent was required. _Most odd comments and behaviors on Discovery lead back to Lorca,_ Pike thought _._ “Commander Saru, please ensure the crew is informally reminded intimate relationships do not require approval by a superior officer. And they will receive my undivided attention if there is any inappropriate behavior.”

“Understood Captain. I will leave you to rest.”

Two days later, Saru presented Commander Kayleigh Jordan with a bouquet of white roses symbolizing new beginnings and heather pinkish-purple lavender symbolizing beauty. They spent their first evening together discussing the varied meanings assigned by different traditions to flowering and non-flowering plants.

ooooo

**Hour 26 of the Storm - Discovery**

Dr. Tracy Pollard entered the ready room ten minutes before the scheduled briefing and sat next to Saru at the conference table. She briefly ran her fingers over the surface. The polished wood made her feel grounded, like Captain Pike was still with them. “Sir, may we speak privately? My response to your question may be viewed by others as rather … well, harsh and unfeeling. But it is my professional assessment and should be part of your considerations.”

“Please proceed.”

Tracy took a deep breath. “I, Tracy, want to warp or jump back immediately to rescue the Captain and Tilly. I, the CMO, at this point, advise against that action. The danger to the ship and crew currently outweighs the benefit.”

Saru nodded, a bit sadly. To Tracy he looked tired, shoulders sagging, bearing the heavy responsibility of keeping the crew’s morale positive and hopeful while continuing to follow the Captain’s orders to wait in safety. “I agree Doctor. And would like to understand your reasons.”

“This is the part that may sound brutal. But my responsibilities include the health and welfare of the entire crew. We don’t know the extent of Tilly’s injuries. If she survived the fall, the critical period is the first 24 - 36 hours. If she makes it through that critical period, she will be OK for a few more days. There is adequate shelter. We sent supplies that will easily last two weeks with careful rationing. Captain Pike is an able medic and according to Nhan, has survived harsher situations. Most likely they are safe.”

“There are still unknowns.” Saru countered, verbalizing the back and forth of his own thoughts. “We do not know if the supplies were intact after beam down. No one has located a safe indigenous water supply.” _And_ , he did not add, _if the Captain is injured, their survival depends on an unexperienced and very young ensign._

The others entered and the briefing began. “The storm’s strength has not diminished. It shows signs of strengthening. I estimate it will not end until …”

ooooo

**Hour 26 of the Storm – In the Cave**

During the long night, Pike’s thoughts turned to his other assignment. The one he was finding harder and harder to be objective about. Should the Discovery crew be disbanded and reassigned? In addition to investigating the signals, Admiral Cornwell wanted an evaluation of the crew, especially the senior officers.

As she had so delicately explained, “There is a concern at Command that none of the senior officers recognized Lora may have been unfit for command or if they did, the issue was never escalated.”

He had responded, “I am concerned Command never recognized Lorca _was_ unfit for command and never _dealt_ with the situation. How many were hurt and exploited? Did Command know about and ignore the problem as long as Discovery was an asset in the war?”

They had not spoken since that conversation. Pike knew Kat well and respected her. Right now, she was blaming herself and needed time and distance to work through it. And he needed time to observe and evaluate fairly. Maintaining the status quo for a crew that was not functioning optimally was an irresponsible decision – for both them and Starfleet, no matter how much he liked them personally.

Near dawn Tilly stirred and began the trek back to consciousness. And fought it. Her dreams were so … so … nice … so … vivid … and detailed ... and starring her favorite Captain … exactly as she imagined he would be … patient and skilled … well, she had read extensively about the subject so her subconscious had a lot to draw on. Though she didn’t realize she had been squirming for the past 30 minutes. With a moan mixed in here and there.

She opened her eyes and looked up at the man in whose lap she was sitting, her world in order - in a particularly good way. He, however, was looking down at her with concern and he felt her cheeks and forehead with the back of his hand. “You look flushed, are you feeling alright? Maybe I should give you another round of antibiotics.”

She thought, _of course I_ _feel better than alright, look at where I am sitting, whose arms have been around me all night._ She answered, “I feel fine, maybe a little hot from being this close to the fire.” Realizing she was clutching a handful of his shirt, she quickly let go.

He looked at her skeptically and decided to administer the antibiotic just in case. Which also meant she was now sitting on the floor, propped against the wall. _Oh well,_ she thought, _all good things …_

Their morning ritual began. He fed the fire. She ate a piece of protein bar and had a few sips of water along with a dose of pain meds and the antibiotic. Pike assured her he would eat later. Once she finished he gave her another long look (which made her feel very self-conscious – after all, they had been in a cave for almost three days so she wasn’t very presentable, if fact she felt like day three of a two day party).

“How are you feeling?” Pike asked.

“Actually, and it doesn’t seem possible, better. Rested. There is still some pain and aching, but much less than yesterday.”

Pike smiled. Yes, it was a tired smile, but his smiles always made her feel a little giddy.

“Let’s try that short walk again.” And it went better this time. Leaning heavily on him she walked to the other side of the cave and half-way back before faltering. And being swept up in his arms. The next walk a couple of hours later didn’t require any sweeping intervention; she was almost disappointed.

“OK” Tilly announced, “I’ve earned a question – what were your favorite subjects in school?”

“Anything I could do outside.”

“But you work in a spaceship,” was her surprised response.

“Yeah, I get the irony. But space is like the desert – vast. I like that open and unlimited feeling.”

“When did you get your pilot’s license?” Tilly asked next.

“As usual, you get two questions for my one. When I was ten.”

“I am going to break my record and ask another. There are rumors you were involved in secret missions early in your career.” Maybe if she asked the question a different way, he would answer this time.

Pike chuckled. “I believe you asked that earlier – and again, I neither confirm nor deny. My turn. Tell me about your father.”

“That’s not a question,” Tilly retorted, mimicking one of his earlier jibes.

“Captain’s prerogative.”

“He … he’s a physician. With Doctors Without Borders. I don’t see him often.” She admitted, then quickly added, “But he always writes.”

“That makes sense.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You are compassionate and insightful. And like to help. Traits like your father. I assume, that is, based on his choice of professions and knowing you.” Pike explained.

That made her feel warm and happy inside. _But why_? She asked herself and thought about it for a while as the Captain stripped the bark from another load of wood. And then it hit her. She always craved recognition and praise from her parents, especially her father. The parent she felt she was most like. And she finally received it – from her Captain. How did he know? Or was it a coincidence?

They sat in comfortable silence as she basked in the boost that praise brought. Contemplated how it made her feel self-confident. Then she asked her next question. “Have you ever been in love?”


	8. Chapter 8

Then she asked, “Have you ever been in love?”

Pike continued methodically stripping the bark from the firewood as he decided how to respond to Tilly’s latest question. This question and answer game had been useful, helping her stay calm by keeping her overly active mind engaged and distracted from her pain and injuries. Giving him clearer insight into this young officer in need of a mentor. It still was a good way to keep the atmosphere comfortable while they waited for the storm to subside and Discovery to return. Yet, for him, this was a very personal, very private question. Information he didn’t want to share with anyone other than his two confidants on Enterprise. Except she ought to have an honest answer. She needed to understand, as a command trainee, that a personal life and a command were not mutually exclusive. “You know, that’s a loaded question.”

“How so?” Tilly queried.

Flinching as he stood, Pike briefly put one hand on his aching right side as he braced himself against the wall of the cave with the other. He took a few sips of their increasingly precious and limited water supply to alleviate a lingering light-headedness. Then sat down in front of her and gave her his full attention. “Because people define love differently.”

“I don’t understand – isn’t love love? I mean I understand there are different kinds of love – like between a parent and a child, or friends or siblings. But that is not what I was asking.”

“People define romantic love differently. For some it’s a reaction, others view it as a choice.” Pike responded.

“I always thought of it as a reaction – like lust but stronger. A chemistry. Lust is physical but with love – it’s physical and you care about them more – a lot more. And yearn to be with that person.” She blushed and added, “Burn to be with that person. Like its all you can think about. Which is distracting.”

“By your definition, yes, I have been in love a couple of times. I cared about them, we enjoyed each other’s company and there was a physical rapport.”

“Did they distract you from your work?” Tilly asked, speaking rapidly, still blushing.

Pike smiled, “Especially when the relationship was new.”

And now the question she dreaded, well not the question, but the answer. “Are you with someone, sorry, I shouldn’t ask that – I mean how …” She stopped, not sure what she could or should ask.

“No, there is no one at the moment.”

Tilly’s thoughts whirled around like a tornado. _Yes, yes, yes!!! OK, be calm. Wait – is it wrong to be happy he is not with anyone? I mean, it must be lonely._ _Especially for a captain. He should have at least one person he can talk to about anything._ “Would you like there to be?”

_Think Chris and answer this very carefully…_ “With the right person at the right time, yes.”

_Breathe Tilly, breathe. But OMG, he’s available!!! Think of something mature and adult to say._ “I can’t believe they let you go!”

_OK, maybe not so mature after all. But seriously, they were morons! Look at what they gave up. I would have done ... well … practically anything … wait, did I say that out loud? This is so embarrassing. Quick, think of something else to say._ “You said by my definition. What is your definition of love?”

Hearing but graciously ignoring her first comment Pike replied, “Similar to yours.”

“So, it’s not incompatible with your job?”

“No, of course not.”

“Good, I don’t want to be alone and lonely.” Tilly said, very quietly, almost sadly. “I’ve been lonely a lot.”

Pike filed that comment away. And admitted to himself part of him felt the same way. Before he could say anything else, Tilly asked, “Do you believe in love at first sight? I think that would be romantic.”

“I don’t know … I think love is more complicated than that … how about familiarity at first sight? A sense there is a possibility, something more to be explored, an unexplainable connection.”

“Oh, I like that!” Tilly grinned, “It sounds like soul mates and I really want to believe in that. I know I shouldn’t ask this, but what happened? I mean with the ones you loved but are no longer with? Was it because they didn’t want to compete with your ship, your crew?”

“That’s a question only they can answer. That wasn’t the issue for me. I … my science officer on Enterprise, Spock, explained the … well, types I think is the right word … the Vulcan language has three words for love. The first type is what we think of as a physical attraction. The second is like the type you described – a need, a caring, a respect. Most Vulcan relationships are arranged, their mates chosen by family. This second type grows over time in those relationships. The closest English word for the third type is cherish. It’s rare and prized. I’d like to find that ...” Pike stopped abruptly, realizing he said more than intended. He wanted to assure Tilly healthy partnerships were compatible with command - not share his own desires. “I should bring in more wood before nightfall. Do you need anything before I go?”

She shook her head, glad to have quiet time to think about the conversation. She wanted to talk to Michael soon and learn more about the Vulcan concept of cherish. Who knew Vulcans were so soulful? It was too bad she would never have the chance to meet Michael’s foster brother.

“Promise me you will not try to get up and walk on your own. I can make it an order if necessary.”

She nodded her agreement, afraid to speak, say the wrong thing, spoil the moment. This moment when the handsome, strong, powerful Captain became a person, a man to her. Was it possible the man was sexier than the Captain? Not that the captain and the man were two separate personas, but it was easy to forget that the captain, like anyone, also had needs, desires and insecurities.

A small part of her, which she often ignored, always knew part of her feelings for Captain Pike were a need for validation. A way to feel valued and confident. Because if _Captain Pike_ found her desirable, she must be!

Now she realized being cherished by Captain Christopher Pike, the captain and the man, would be even more amazing.


	9. Chapter 9

The frigid air seared his lungs as he breathed, the rain, ice, and sleet poured down drenching him and the winds still lashed with the force of a hurricane hurling sticks and rocks which cut and scratched his skin – yet it felt good to be out of that cave. He had always hated confined spaces. And add to that Tilly had unintentionally but expertly finessed him into a corner.

After locating a suitable pile of fallen, decaying pieces of wood and twigs, he gathered an armful and carried it to the cave opening, thinking as he worked.

_Christopher, what is wrong with you? There is no excuse for discussing your personal, private desires with a young officer, an incredibly young officer, under your command. Especially when your relationship with her is delicate. When she is struggling to cover what she believes is an attraction to you. It was cruel._

The pile of wood and twigs grew.

_Be honest, are you angry only because you misspoke and said too much or also because a part of you wants to be cherished in return? And because you use the “maybe in a different time, different place” to push away people you care about to protect them?_

And grew.

_OK, it’s all three. And you can’t afford the luxury of anger right now. You need to focus on the immediate problems. Anger doesn’t solve problems._

The pile of logs and sticks continued to grow.

_Problem number one – Shelter – Check._

_Problem number two – Heat – Check._

_Problem number three – Tilly’s injuries – Treated and manageable barring serious complications._

_Problem number four – Storm – No better, didn’t appear to be worse, but without instruments there was no means for certainty._

_Problem number five – Food – Tilly would consume the last piece of the power bars this evening. They could go without food for weeks._

_Problem number six – Tilly’s morale – Keep up the routine. The game kept her distracted and he would do a better job of keeping the questions lighter and his answers less personal._

_Problem number seven – His injury – He had reinjured the area healing from the phaser overload on New Eden. From the amount of pain, he judged the muscles were strained and the ribs were bruised or cracked. But the pain was manageable. And he was trained to control pain and fatigue._

_Problem number eight – Dwindling medical supplies – Serious. He would continue the antibiotic as a precaution but reserve the remaining pain medication for an emergency._

_Problem number nine – Water – Dire. With current rationing, their water supply would be gone tomorrow. After that they would have roughly 72 hours before the damage from dehydration could be irreversible. He would cut his ration further, that should give Tilly two extra days. And she was now stable enough to survive on her own until Discovery arrived._

_Plan complete. Execution underway._

Pike carried an armload of wood into the cave. And found Tilly slumped against the wall, clutching her right shoulder and crying. He tossed the wood carelessly on the floor and went to crouch beside her, asking softly, “What happened?”

She tried to answer between sobs, “Back … spasm … again … reached … around … to massage … shoulder … popped … hurts … have never … hurt … like this … before.”

“How long?”

“Right … after … you … left.”

Pike gently examined her right shoulder and confirmed his suspicion – it was dislocated again. Leaving it as is would be painful and could cause nerve damage. Pushing it back in place would be unimaginably painful for a brief time. And could cause nerve damage. The neurological equipment used to induce an unconscious state appropriate for procedures and surgery was not working. He had the more primitive anesthesia, but she was suffering from a concussion. _Damn, there were no good choices._

As he sorted through the options, he absentmindedly brushed away her tears and cupped her cheek and chin in his hand. Giving her a reassuring smile, he retrieved the medical kit and discharged a hypospray into her shoulder. “That will help with the pain, it’s a numbing/blocking agent.” Tilly nodded and then sighed with relief.

Pike continued to explain in a calming voice, “I’m going to give you a light dose of anesthesia.”

“No, I don’t want to be put to sleep!” Tilly shrieked and looked to be on the verge of tears again.

He held her hand and looked directly into her eyes. “The pain you are feeling now is minor compared to the pain you will feel when I slide your shoulder back into place. You won’t be asleep for long and I will be with you the whole time. I’ve got you; I’ve always got you.”

Being put to sleep with old-fashioned anesthesia terrified her. Yet the pain of the past couple hours had been nearly unbearable, she could not imagine coping with it much longer. The Captain’s words and unflinching gaze were comforting. And she trusted him. If he said it, she believed all would be OK. She nodded.

ooooo

When Tilly awoke later, she was leaning against the Captain’s chest, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her and his hand curled around her wrist, monitoring her pulse. Looking up and to the side, she saw him counting silently. Her right shoulder was sore – very sore – but that was a relief from the intense pain.

“You’re awake,” he commented, looking down at her. “Groggy?” She nodded. “That’s to be expected,” he reassured her.

When she started to sit up, he shook his head and lightly held her in place. “Sit still for a while longer.” She nodded and settled back. Then started to doze off again.

Pike lifted her chin and shook his head. “I want you to stay awake.”

Grumpily she responded, “Wanna sleep more.”

“Later. You can ask all the questions if you stay awake.”

“Don’t want to play right now.”

“You need to stay awake.”

“Are you going to take your shirt off again?”

_Damn, I was certain she was asleep._ “Ensign, that’s an order.”

“Don’t care.” Tilly looked up as she refused.

“Please”

“No.”

_You leave me no choice I must break Chris’ Prime Directive Number Two._ And he smiled with full dimples – knowingly using the dimples.

Even drugged and half asleep she couldn’t resist. “Favorite food.”

“Honestly, I never thought about it.”

“That’s really weird. I like anything chocolate.”

“If you stay awake Chef will make anything chocolate that you want when we get back to Discovery.”

Tilly murmured, still half-asleep, “Kofi has strict rules about when you can have unreplicated chocolate. I doubt he will break them – even for you.” Thinking about that conversation amused her.

Pike gently nudged her, “Next question?”

“Did you always plan to join Star Fleet?”

“No. Not until I was a teenager.”

That caught her attention. She always assumed it was a life-long passion for such an elite soldier and commander. She sat up slightly and looked puzzled. “What else did you want to be when you grew up?”

“The usual – fireman, pilot. Sometimes a teacher or vet, like my parents.” He chuckled, “I imagine that sounds rather provincial to you.”

“No, well maybe. I’m surprised. I mean can you now imagine doing anything else?”

“No. What about you? Given your experiences so far would you prefer to be working at the Daystrom Institute rather than on board a ship?”

“No.” She didn’t verbalize the rest - _because I would never have met you_. “I’ve wanted to be a captain since I was five years old.”

“You will be a good captain.”

“Do you truly think I will get there?”

“Yes.”

“Is it true everyone who serves on Enterprise has to pass advanced medic training?” Tilly asked.

“Yes.”

“Why? And can you really make arbitrary rules just for your ship?”

“Captains have a lot of leeway. Because exploring deep space is a lot like the first manned missions to the moon. You don’t know what will go wrong and there is no hope of rescue. Often no means to communicate with command or other resources. It’s important to have as much as possible of every skill imaginable on board the ship.”

“I’m not sure I would like deep space. It sounds ominous. But it would be cool to be a pioneering astronaut like Neil Armstrong or Jim Lovell.”

“It can be at times, and wonderous. Staying closer to known space has its own set of risks and rewards.”

Tilly thought for a minute. “It would be hard to leave my family and friends for years at a time.”

“That part is a challenge.” Pike agreed.

“How old were you when you first kissed a girl?”

“Twelve.”

“Do you remember her name?”

“Yes, and the black eye she gave me afterwards.”

Tilly couldn’t help laughing. “Seriously? You got beaten up by a girl? A girl you kissed?”

Pike flashed her a mock look of despair, “Yes, and I’m still sensitive about it. Will it be our secret?

She nodded, continuing to laugh. _That certainly would not have been my reaction._ “Would you like to have brothers or sisters?

“One of both.”

“I have a step-sister. We are nothing alike.”

“That’s too bad – for your step-sister.”

“Oh, thank you.” She blushed. That nonchalant way Pike had of giving compliments made them feel real and true.

Tilly was quiet for a few minutes and Pike looked down to ensure she was still awake. She looked sad and sacred. “Do you really believe we will get back to Discovery?”

“Absolutely. I know you will.”

She wished she had his faith.

Later she would blame it on the cozy fire. The woozy feeling from the pain medication. The grogginess after just waking up. The feeling of safety and being cared for. Why else would she blurt out to their interim Captain, “Sir, would you ever get romantically involved with a member of your crew?”


	10. Chapter 10

“Sir, would you ever get romantically involved with a member of your crew?”

It took all his many years of discipline and training not to immediately react to Tilly’s latest question. He had to help her walk this back, find a way not to dismiss her question, not to belittle her feelings, not to reveal he was aware of her crush. And prevent her from sensing he was mildly what … embarrassed … annoyed … both … to learn she was awake when he stripped of his wet shirt (and pants - damn it). How could he keep her from unintentionally repeating _that_ when she got back to the ship? He smiled awkwardly at the thought, slightly creasing his brow. _Focus on the problem in front of you Christopher._

Tilly stiffened, mortified. She was resting against the Captain’s chest as he monitored her return to consciousness after the anesthesia. _Could you have picked a worse place or time to randomly blurt out your feelings for him? An attraction he is completely and totally unaware of? Is that redundant – completely and totally? Not important – stay focused before you make things worse. Is it possible to make things worse?_ _Here, in this cave, alone together, it was too easy to forget about the reality of their lives, their positions._ _To forget the intimacy, the bond she was feeling was from and with a kind Captain ministering to one of his crew. And why was he taking so long to respond?_

“That is a serious question which deserves more than a quick answer.” Pike finally replied. “First let me take care of a couple of other things.” He removed his arm from around her shoulder and gently eased her back against the wall of the cave. Retrieved the last water bottle and tended to the fire. Holding out the water he reminded her, “Only a couple of sips.” Then he sat facing her and said, “Every commander has a different answer to that question. But I won’t deflect by pushing this into an abstract conversation. You asked what I would do. And as a member of my crew, it’s not a question that is out of bounds.” He tilted his head a bit and smiled, “Well, not technically out of bounds but definitely approaching the fence.”

Tilly started to protest, but Pike waved it off. “Ensign, I like that you poke at boundaries. That you are upfront and honest.”

“You mean blunt.”

Pike chuckled at that, “Yes.”

Tilly wrinkled her nose, “My mother says it’s one of my worst traits.”

“I’ve always thought character traits are neutral and it’s how we choose to apply them that is good or bad. Regardless, you shared your mother’s observation with me so I will share one with you. My mother endless reminds me I am stubborn.”

_Oh, to hear someone scolding the Captain like he’s a little boy!_ Tilly thought.

“Back to your question. Yes, I would consider getting romantically involved with a member of my crew,”

Tilly’s heart soared.

“if the time and circumstances were right.” Pike finished.

_Wait, qualifications? No, no, no. Not fair._

“I have a few protocols – rules – I use to balance my professional and personal lives.”

_Protocols? Seriously? My Captain is a geek - which is freakin’ adorable!_

_How do I explain Chris’ Prime Directive Number Four? Don’t get romantically involved with anyone on board your ship unless you are ready and willing to make a long-term commitment. A conundrum and most likely impossible. But anything else was unworkable and unfair. There would be an immense power imbalance, subjecting someone to that just to see if the relationship might work was unacceptable. He despised using the word power in this context, but it was apt as a captain wields a great deal of control over the lives of the crew, sometimes literally. And power was a placeholder for multiple inequities._ “I would consider it only if I were … confident … the relationship was more than casual. More than 'let’s see where this might lead'.”

That interrupted Tilly’s internal musings. “That’s – not logical.”

“Now you are channeling my science officer on the Enterprise. He said the same thing, well almost, he said 'illogical'.”

“It’s a ‘which came first – chicken or egg’ problem. How do you know where a relationship might lead unless you explore it?”

“Maybe you can’t. Maybe it’s a choice to make a long-term commitment before knowing.” Pike answered, his voice quiet now. Then he whispered as if asking himself, “and is anyone willing to do that?” The rules were limiting and rigid. But he had chosen this life. Set the boundaries to protect those he cared for. And he would live with the consequences.

_Me, Me, Me!_ Is what Tilly thought. “But why?” Is what she asked.

Pike smiled. “I have a responsibility to my crew. A string of casual relationships with crewmembers could be disruptive. A failed relationship could be disruptive, especially on a long mission.” He rolled his eyes slightly and shook his head, “All relationships have challenges. A relationship with your commander has unique ones, not harder, not easier, simply unique. I don’t want to subject someone I care for to those on an impulse. Without giving them … stability.”

“I think the relationship could be isolating. I … I mean … she would have to learn not to overshare.” _I don’t think he noticed I said ‘I’ first instead of ‘she’, oh hell, I don’t even know if it would be a he or a she_ , Tilly thought. “What about the nightmare scenario?”

“Which one?”

_Interesting, is there more than one? How do I find out about the others?_ “If you had to choose to let someone you were involved with die?”

_Good,_ Pike thought _, Tilly now is thinking about this from the perspective of a command trainee rather than a personal question about us._ When he answered his voice was grave and serious. “Giving an order condemning a crewman I don’t know to their death would be as wrenching for me as giving an order which would send a loved one to their death.” For a moment he looked as if he were light-years away and then continued softly and again to himself, “Which doesn’t mean she isn’t special, isn’t the most important thing in my life.” 

_Who hurt you? Someone worthy of you would not only understand but love you more because you value all lives. Someone worthy of you would never expect there to be degrees to the horror of sending someone to their death._ “I can’t imagine making that decision – for anyone.”

“I know you will never take that responsibility lightly.” Pike stood and held out his hand. “The rain and ice have stopped, the weather patterns must be shifting, or we are in the eye of the storm. How about some fresh air? You haven’t been outside of this cave since the accident.”

Tilly nodded eagerly. Pike was grateful for the change of subject.

She started to stand, and he caught her as she began to waver, “Wait, you must be careful with your broken leg.” He put her arm around his shoulder and his arm around her waist. With his help she limped out into the sunshine.

Leaning against the wall of the cave, she sighed. In addition to the ice, the ground was now covered with several inches of snow. “I love snow, and skiing.”

“I never understood why someone would voluntarily and happily choose to strap boards on their feet and slide down a mountain covered in snow and ice, standing up, _in the cold_.”

_It’s not that cold right now - you really are a desert boy. And running down a sheer cliff with only a thin rope stapled into the rock to keep you from crashing to the ground far below isn’t crazy? Or piloting an unproven shuttle?_ “Yes, sir.” Tilly replied impishly.

“I have something for you, do you think you can stand here, unsupervised, for two minutes without wandering off or getting yourself into trouble?” Pike ribbed.

“According to the rumors I hear from Enterprise, you are constantly getting into trouble.” Tilly grinned as she teased back. “I am only following my commander’s example.”

Pike frowned and narrow his eyes, exaggerating his reaction, then responded as he turned to walk back into the cave, “I see Dr. Boyce has been busy socializing.” Returning he handed her a tree limb tall and sturdy enough to use as a crutch. Its top had been shaped to fit comfortably under her arm. “Now you can be more independent. If you are careful.”

_How did he manage that with only a pocketknife?_ She wondered as she slipped it under her arm and tried to walk on her own. And almost slipped on the ice.

Pike grabbed her before she could fall. “Try it inside the cave first,” he suggested and then helped her to the opening. Once certain there were no more impediments he let go of her waist. Awkwardly, but with increasing confidence she walked to the other side.

_Good. If she’s mobile she can survive on her own._ Tomorrow he would make the rest of the preparations, such as gathering enough wood for her to stay warm and teaching her some basic first aid. And there was one more thing he wanted her to know. “Sylvia,” he called to her, “I am certain you will find that person who will cherish you.”


	11. Chapter 11

**The Next Morning**

Saru looked around the conference table in the Captain’s ready room, scanning the faces of the officers gathered for the latest updates on the geomagnetic storm and the dangerous weather it was spawning. Their determination and hope, bit by bit, was morphing into doubt and despondency.

Previous briefings had been held in one of the conference rooms. Saru thought would lessen the sting of their crewmate’s absence and facilitate objectivity. He then realized that the warmth and familiarity of the Captain’s ready room bred rather than sapped confidence, including his own; the room acting as the stand-in for the man who resolutely led them with poise and faith.

WWCPD (what would Captain Pike do) had become Saru’s mantra during these past three days. Unsure of the answer to that question, he called the group to order and began the briefing. He believed, and Captain Pike had reenforced, the best antidote and way forward is information. “Latest scan results?”

Owo answered, “The geomagnetic storm is steady – not dissipating, but not intensifying either. It’s maintained this plateau for the last eight hours.” She shook her head and looked frustrated. “We don’t know if that is a good or bad sign.”

Saru signaled for the meteorologist to speak next. “The current ice hurricane, which is the best descriptor I can think of, is weakening and moving south. They should have eight to twelve hours of dry, steady weather with mild temperatures.”

There were faint smiles and murmurs around the table. This was the first positive sign since the situation began. The meteorologist sighed. “That’s the good news.” Everyone turned to stare at him. “There is another, similar depression forming at the south pole. Its moving north and will merge with the remnants of the first hurricane. Based on the isobars and other readings we expect this second storm to become at least twice as powerful.” His voice became soft, “It will hit them directly.”

“And we have no way to warn them.” Bryce said, worry evident in his tone of voice.

Saru watched Michael shift back and forth in her chair, her facial expression thunderous. He wondered how long he would be able to manage her reactions – and influence her actions.

Owo spoke up. “I was able to scan the cave system they are sheltering in before we left orbit. If they have a way to heat the space, the caves provide adequate protection.”

“What about supplies? Especially water, there is no safe indigenous water supply.” Dr. Pollard asked.

Saru held up his hand. “Before we address supplies, can Discovery return to the planet prior to the geomagnetic storm subsiding?”

“Yes …” Paul Stamets began.

“and no.” Reno, Detmer, and Pollard added, speaking at the same time.

“Proceed Mr. Staments.” Saru directed.

“The distrubance does not affect the mycelial network, it’s safe to travel through it. We can successfully jump the ship back to the planet.”

Reno amended the scientist’s answer. “But without improved shields, once at the planet the ship will be disabled within ten minutes. That includes life-support by the way. We are working on changing the polarity of our shields, as well as other tweaks that might protect us. But the effects are hard to simulate. The only way to test the modified shields may be exposing the ship to the storm. It’s ironic that the kid is the one of our best resources for thinking through the theoretical ramifications.”

Saru smiled. “Ensign Tilly does excel at pulling together disparate threads to form a creative idea.”

Michael spoke for the first time. “We could jump back, beam them up, and jump out in less than ten minutes.”

Dr Pollard shook her head emphatically. “No. Even before the storm reached its full strength, the transporters were believed to be compromised. We can’t risk it.”

“We have their patterns from beam down. With that data, an up-to-date scan and additional programming, I can … patch them together.” Michael replied.

Saru barely managed to suppress his alarm. “That breaches ethical guidelines for transporter use.”

“We may have to consider extreme solutions.” Michael countered, her voice edging up in volume.

“Could a shuttle land and return in ten minutes?” Bryce asked, deftly averting a stand-off between the commanding officer and the science officer.

Detmer looked thoughtful. “No, but I think we could in twenty minutes if the shield modifications are implemented on the shuttle. Would the shields hold that long?”

Reno shrugged her shoulders. “Unsure. Especially for the shuttle as it may not generate enough power to feed the enhanced shields for more than a few minutes.”

“We also have a navigation problem.” Detmer said. “The shields will protect our equipment, but not our ability to automatically navigate and correct our course. Once we are within the zone affected by the geomagnetic disturbances, all navigation will be manual, all course corrections dependent on reflexes. We’re trying to build simulations, but this system is tricky. The gravitational pull of the trinary suns attracts more than the usual number of asteroids and _a lot_ of debris. There are only a handful of pilots in the fleet with the level of skill required to fly through that. One is trapped on the planet.”

“And there are medical ramifications. Without protection, anyone with an augmentation will be at risk. The risk includes rendering the bionics inoperable, as well as potentially compromising their body’s ability to use an augmentation in the future.” Dr. Pollard noticed the confused looks. After Detmer nodded, the doctor continued, “For example, Keyla’s visual augmentation will cease to operate. Normally we would simply replace it, but unless the current bionics are removed before exposure, her optic nerve will also be damaged. But not every augmentation is optional. Some control vital involuntary functions like breathing. There are several, including Airiam, whose lives will be at risk.”

The air in the room felt heavy. All conversation ceased.

Nhan interrupted the silence. “If the supplies arrived intact, they could shelter for two weeks – at a minimum.” She studied her new colleagues. Their concern and worry were pronounced. “If the supplies were compromised … I have served under Captain Pike for several years. He’s resourceful. He has survived situations more dire than this. He never gives up. He will protect Tilly with his life. I truly believe they will be OK.” She hoped her confidence might ease their worry, at least a little.

“We have to rescue …“ Michael started and then, to Saru’s surprise, stopped when he shook his head slightly. Now her expression was sad rather than angry. He resolved to keep a close eye on her as she tried to cope with the possibility of losing her best friend. And to find time later to offer her comfort.

_WWCPD?_ Saru thought. He remembered a recent conversation. _Captain, what is the most difficult command decision? The Captain replied, the one we make every day – when to wait and when to act. It’s our nature to crave action, to believe we prevail only by doing; but waiting and watching is often the best path._

He looked around the room again, briefly holding eye contact with everyone at the table. And made his decision. “We too have emerged safe and sound from worse situations. And we have good options that need more time and study. For now, we assume the supplies are intact and wait for the storm to cease. And continue our work on other solutions. Pull needed resources from any department. And Commander Burnham, work with the engineering staff on the shield modifications. If there are no further questions, please resume your duties.”

Michael hurried, pushing to leave the room first, eager for privacy to get her emotions under control. The rest filed out, talking quietly amongst themselves, shoulders now straighter.

Saru rose and turned to the viewport. For reasons not understood, he found staring out the window grounding. He wondered if he had walked the fine line of command as skillfully as he had observed Captain Pike manage it. Unleashing the talents of the crew to find, perfect and execute solutions. Allowing the crew to feel their advice, even when it differed from their commanders’ opinion, was heard and valued. Attributing success to the crew’s work and skill. And most importantly, drawing a clear line between contributing to the decision and making the decision, shielding the crew from repercussions and guilt when the result was loss.

ooooo

Tilly woke feeling more like herself after yesterday’s fresh air and gaining the freedom to move around on her own. Not seeing the Captain, she used her makeshift crutch to carefully stand up and limped outside. There she found Pike leaning against a tree, face upturned, eyes closed, basking in the sun light.

“Good morning Ensign.”

_Did he have preternatural senses? He didn’t even open his eyes! But then I am not exactly stealthy on this crutch._ “Morning. It stopped snowing and icing?”

“At least for the moment. Any sleep?” Pike asked

“Yes, amazingly. You’re good with beds …”

_What am I saying?_ She was glad, with his eyes closed, he couldn’t see her blushing. “… I mean you’re good in bed …”

_Girl what is wrong with you?_ She thought she heard a faint chuckle. _This is mortifying!_ “… I mean you’re good at making beds. Even when you have little to work with. Oh, hell I give up.”

She changed the subject. “No ice or snow. That’s nice.”

“Yes, perhaps the geomagnetic storm is over. At least our first projections indicated it would be over by now.” He straightened and opened his eyes. Gesturing with his arm he added, “Let’s go inside and talk.”

Once they were sitting near the fire, he handed her a water bottle. “This morning’s ration – a couple of sips.”

“What about yours?” Tilly asked as she carefully took two small drinks.

“My morning started earlier. Let’s talk about supplies. For the most part, we’re in good shape. But there are a couple of things we need to be careful with. I want to save the remaining pain meds for emergencies. Can you manage?”

She nodded. “The pain’s not bad right now. As long as I move carefully its more of a dull ache.”

“Good. Food’s gone.” She made a face and he chuckled. “But I don’t think you will miss those power bars. I’ll get more wood today in case the weather turns bad again.”

_Now I miss the rain and ice! Then you would need to take off your shirt again._ Tilly thought. 

“With careful rationing, there is enough water for two more days. Initial scans did not find a safe water supply. Maybe there is a way to purify and test it using local resources. Or perhaps there is an underground spring in this cave system the scans missed, though we would still need a way to test it. Think about how we can find drinkable water. Or treat what’s outside so it’s safe.”

He paused, taking in her frightened look. “It’s going to be OK. The geomagnetic storm may be over. And more importantly if anyone can develop a solution its Sylvia Tilly.”

She nodded uncertainly, looking down and fidgeting.

“Before I go, I want to tighten the splint on your leg. It’s important to keep it straight and motionless as you move around. Understood?”

She nodded again, still looking down.

“Ensign, eyes up.” Once she complied, Pike told her, “Don’t lose the battle before you fight it.”

ooooo

The weather change, for however long it lasted, was welcome. After spending most of the day gathering wood, there was nearly enough to supply Tilly for five more days. With three hours of daylight left, Pike judged he had enough time stack this load, get a couple more loads and check out the coconut-like fruit he saw hanging from a tree about a mile away. If it were safe to drink, that would solve their water shortage.

As he neared the cave, he saw Tilly was outside it, hopping around on one leg. Dropping the logs, he grabbed her arm as she teetered. “Whoa, careful. Use the crutch – remember?”

“Sorry, I’m slow with the crutch. And I want to look for several plants. We might be able to make a test agent with them.”

He eased her down to sit on the ground. While retrieving and stacking the logs he discarded to keep Tilly from falling, he felt a slight pop on his right side near the ribs damaged a few weeks ago. Absent mindedly he rubbed the area and grimaced from the brief stab of pain. Once the pain subsided, he finished with the wood and sat beside Tilly. “The ground is still covered with snow and ice, it’s too slick for you to be wandering away from this area. Tell me what you need, and I will look for it.”

She drew pictures in the dirt using a stick and described the expected colors. After memorizing it, Pike helped her back inside and reminded her to drink her afternoon water ration. Once satisfied she was comfortable and safe, he promised, “I’ll be back before dark.”


	12. Chapter 12

Dr. Pollard insisted Saru rest. Reluctantly he agreed and retired to his quarters, but sleep was elusive.

At 3:00pm the door chime woke him from a fitful doze. Saru tugged on a robe, fear building in the pit of his stomach. What happened that was serious enough to disregard the CMO’s order?

He found Nhan and Detmer waiting when the door opened and beckoned them inside. “Tilly and the Captain?” He asked, his fear continuing to grow.

Nhan quickly responded, “No, well yes, but not bad news.”

Detmer continued. “We have an idea, and we are volunteering.”

Listening to their plan, his fear only increased. And yet, it might be possible. “Assemble Commanders Stamets and Reno. And Dr. Pollard. And Lieutenant Owo, her insights are always practical, and her technologically devoid background may prove useful. Meet me in the ready room in 15 minutes.”

After acknowledging, Detmer and Nhan left in opposite directions to round up their crewmates. Saru started to call after them and add Michael to their group. But decided against it. Michael was also under orders to sleep. And this was a desperate plan. He didn’t want her to endure the emotional seesaw of having hope offered and then snatched away if the idea proved unfeasible. Or if he could not, as commanding officer, choose for it to proceed.

ooooo

During Pike’s absence, Tilly continued trying to think of a way to purify the local water or to find and test an alternate water source. Her efforts from the entire day had resulted only in a few hypothetical and most probably unworkable solutions, and one practical solution that showed promise if the Captain could find the needed plants. This was frustrating!

And this was a new to her – a problem she, alone or with help, couldn’t solve. That had never happened to her before. It scared her. What if there wasn’t a solution? What if Discovery couldn’t return to the planet before their water supply ran out? She tried to remember how long a human could survive without water. The answer was elusive, but she was certain it was only hours or days, not weeks.

There had been several times during the war and in the Terran universe where she understood, at least intellectually, that her life was in danger. But that had felt abstract, not personal. And there was an entire crew working with her to get to safety.

Right here, right now, it felt personal. Hell, this was _real_. And it was just the two of them. And she was not only injured but lacked useful experience. Being assigned to a starship before finishing her last semester at the Academy, she had missed vital training. No wonder Captain Pike was annoyed at Command when he learned she never took a basic medic course and she never finished survival training.

Right now, her quick promotion felt very short-sighted.

And … this was all her fault!

She had impulsively wandered off from her team in an unknown environment, without permission, letting curiosity override her assignment, training, and good sense. She had endangered herself and a member of her crew. Maybe even the ship and all the crew if they attempted a rescue during the geomagnetic storm. Captain Pike had already reprimanded her for this type of behavior. And warned her the next time he would be less lenient. Why didn’t she ever learn? A responsible, mature officer would learn from her mistakes and stop repeating them.

When Captain Pike was here, she didn’t feel scared. But why?

Was it because when nursing her through that critical time after she was injured, he had shielded her, kept her from realizing how precarious their situation was and could become? Was it because he kept her distracted with the 20 questions game? Was it because today after judging she was ready; he had matter-of-factly explained their situation? Without alarm, without tension in his voice, with faith in their ability to solve the problem. With faith Discovery would return in time.

Why couldn’t she maintain that faith in his absence?

Wait. Wait a minute. Just. One. Damn. Minute. He protected her before. Was he still protecting her?

More bits and pieces of information from these past days started connecting, arranging and rearranging, until the patterns became clear. How could she have missed this? He had gathered a mammoth stack of firewood. Enough to last for days. He made a crutch. He insisted she practice with it. He had carefully described the water rationing plan and insisted she repeat it back to him. While inventorying the remaining medical supplies, he had explained and demonstrated their uses.

Captain Pike was methodically preparing her to survive without him.

And he was injured. Occasionally he unknowingly placed a hand on his rib cage. On the right side. Where he had been wounded on New Eden. Where, she now remembered, there was a large, dark purple bruise. She had seen it while watching him stack wood as she pretended to be sleeping. Why hadn’t she paid attention to that! And he was slightly out of breath earlier today. That didn’t make sense! The Captain was too fit to be winded from this level of activity.

She still didn’t remember anything between beginning to fall from her precarious position on the ledge and waking up in the cave. What happened?

She had not seen him eat or drink and when questioned about it, he gave a vague answer or deflected.

Now certain he was, if necessary, intending to sacrifice his life to buy her more time to wait for Discovery’s return, she was no longer scared. She was angry!

And she had a whole new set of questions to ask of their Captain when he returned. She might even ask them politely!

ooooo

Pike cast a worried glance at the clouds gathering in the distance to the south. The wind was starting to gust, and it was raining. A warm rain, but it drove into his eyes like needles. With a storm approaching, darkness would fall sooner than he originally expected. And fog was creeping up from the ground.

He stuffed the latest plant he cut from a hanging tree into the makeshift bag slung over his shoulder. There wasn’t enough time left to look for rest that Tilly had described, the two he found would have to be sufficient. The bag also held three of the coconut-like fruit he managed to retrieve after several attempts at climbing one of the trees.

The fog was gathering quickly and getting denser. Would the trail he marked to lead back to the cave still be visible?


	13. Chapter 13

“You want to do what? Have you gone mad?” Jett Reno downed half a cup of hot coffee in one swallow trying to wake-up from what had to be a bizarre dream. Then winced as the scalding beverage burned her mouth and throat. _Hell, I am awake after all._ “Basically you want me to turn a shuttle into a paper airplane.”

“A sailplane. And it _can_ work.” Detmer answered as she mimed a ship gently drifting to a textbook landing. “In the 20th century the space shuttle was essentially a glider with rockets strapped to it. It landed unpowered.”

Reno tsked. “We have entered the twilight zone. Or a half-baked reality. Our shuttles are not designed to fly like that. They need a rather important little thing called thrust.” Now waving her hands, she continued, “Which is supplied by a _working engine_.” She turned to Saru. “You cannot possibly be considering this option.”

“I am keeping an open mind Commander.”

Reno turned back to Detmer. “How will you navigate without instruments?”

“The old-fashioned way, by looking out the window.”

“OK. I concede that point. But our shuttles aren’t built with the aerodynamics necessary to …” Reno mimicked Detmer’s earlier demonstration of a ship floating to the ground. This time the pantomime ended with less control and more force as Reno’s hand smacked onto the table. “to land successfully using only lift, drag, and weight.”

Gen Rhys spoke up. “Theoretically they can.”

“Perhaps, but what addle-minded flyboy would try it?” Reno shot back.

“Captain Pike.” Rhys replied.

“Deliberately?” Reno asked, dumbfounded.

“Not the first time.” Detmer pointed out.

When Tracy Pollard entered the ready room, Saru used the opportunity to refocus their conversation. “Doctor, Commander Nhan and Lieutenant Detmer have recommended a plan to take supplies to the Captain and Ensign Tilly while limiting risk to Discovery and the crew. Commander Nhan, please summarize your idea.”

“Discovery jumps back to the planet long enough to launch a shuttle. We estimate it and the crew will be exposed to the geomagnetic storm for five minutes – do I have that right Keyla?”

“Four minutes which is well within safety tolerances.” Detmer corrected and then continued. “The shuttle’s engines and equipment should be operational for six or seven minutes once we enter the planetary system. That’s enough time to launch, get one or two navigational readings and correct our descent angle based on the local conditions, such as wind shear. The landing won’t be precise, but I should be able to get within a few hundred kilometers of their location.”

Reno jumped back into the conversation. “The term landing implies having control. You will be _gliding_. And most probably tossed around by every wind gust, every changing air current.”

“That sounds dangerous, perhaps even reckless.” Dr. Pollard observed.

“Captain Pike, well back when he was Lieutenant Pike, managed it after he lost power during a test flight. In the prototype for the shuttles Discovery has on board. Without any of the modifications we will make. Later he perfected the technique and it’s now standard training for test pilots.” Rhys explained. “I created a simulation based on his method last night. Using it, Keyla has landed successfully 30% of the time.”

Owo looked thoughtful. “Airaim, Commander Burnham and I could improve the simulation with up-to-date weather, atmospheric and topographical data. Keyla, that would also give you a physical map to use as a guide during landing. It’s a long shot and risky. And the best plan we have so far.”

“The strength of the geomagnetic storm has not changed for several hours. How long can they survive without water?” Paul Stamets asked.

“Seventy-two hours. And they’ve been stranded over two days.” Tracy answered.

“And we have no way of knowing if their supplies arrived intact.” Nhan added.

Reno had been reviewing and updating the proposed shuttle modifications as the others debated. “We can do this, and I added a few improvements. We should also implement the new shield modifications on Discovery and the shuttle. It might buy a few extra minutes before the equipment fails.”

“How long?” Saru asked.

“Twelve hours.” Reno estimated. “But I will find a way to get it done in six.”

“I need another four hours in the simulator.” Detmer answered.

“Very well. I am not yet ready to approve this plan but begin preparations immediately. Owo, please assemble and lead the team to create those maps. Commander Nhan collect the necessary supplies. Dr. Pollard, I believe a medic should go as well. Volunteer only.”

After his orders were acknowledged, Saru concluded the briefing with “We will reconvene in four hours.”

ooooo

As afternoon gave way to evening, Tilly’s anger at Captain Pike cooled to a simmer and she pushed it to the back of her mind. Oh, there was still going to be a reckoning once they got back to the ship! She was already rehearsing the conversation in her head, eruditely pointing out his numerous logical fallacies.

But her thoughts were tugged in another direction. She analyzed their conversations about love and romantic partnerships with subordinates. The Captain had answered her questions as a teacher to a command trainee. To keep the discussion professional and, she admitted to herself, to minimize her embarrassment. But at the end he spoke more personally – or was that an accident, did he share more than intended? 

He set an almost impossibly high bar for himself when it came to relationships. Was that necessary in any superior/subordinate liaison? Or unique to his command style? How would she learn or know what boundaries of her own to set?

Wait a minute! She backtracked … the Captain was trying to shield her from embarrassment! Then she remembered – he knew about her crush. How mortify…

But was it really mortifying? He had never, not even once, chided her or intentionally made her feel uncomfortable about her attraction to him. Instead he had shown respect. Had answered her questions, all her questions, carefully to be sure, but also honestly, in a way that felt like a conversation between two equals.

Was this crush becoming true affection? When did her feelings for him begin to change? It had started all about her – what it would feel like for _her_ to be with such a sexy, powerful guy, how good she would feel if he liked _her_ , how amazing the sex would be for _her_ , how others would think _she_ was lucky, how she wanted that dimpled smile to be reserved for _her_ , how she wanted him to cherish _her_ , how …

Now she was thinking about him. And as more than a hot guy. That it would be awesome to brighten _his_ day with her smile, to make _him_ laugh, to give _him_ pleasure, to nurse _him_ through injuries, to hold _him_ when he cried, to choose to care for _him,_ to love _him_ even on those days she didn’t like him very much.

Is this what love is? She asked herself. Is this what being in love feels like?

Twilight descended and then morphed into night. Worry set in. Captain Pike still had not returned to the cave. The fog outside was now a thick stew and the wind was howling. She tried to keep her mind occupied and focused, but her thoughts kept drifting to unpleasant possibilities. What if he was lost? What if the injury he had hidden from her was worse?

After what felt like days, Pike stumbled into the cave. Before she could question or scold him there was a bright flash in the distance followed by a deafening bang.


	14. Chapter 14

Pike ran back outside. Tilly limped to the mouth of the cave and gazed at the orange-red fireball.

“What the f… frick?” She exclaimed.

“Hmm…” Pike said as his eyes scanned the horizon calculating the distance and size of the explosion and subsequent fire.

“Asteroid?”

He shook his head. “The flash was about 20 kilometers away. If an asteroid big enough to cause that crashed at this close distance, we’d be dead from the shockwave.” He reentered the cave. By the time Tilly walked back inside, Pike was sorting through the remaining medical supplies and packing the items he would need. He yanked down the mylar blanket tacked over the cave entrance and stuffed it into his bag as well.

“Oh no. No. No. No. No. You can’t go back out there.” Tilly said, more forcefully than appropriate when addressing a senior officer.

“You’re out of line Ensign.” He responded distractedly as he scanned their meager supplies for anything else that might prove useful.

“But you are soaking wet, you look like a drenched cat! And it’s getting colder!”

Pike was having an internal argument and missed the first part of her comment. Finally and reluctantly, he took a few sips of Tilly’s precious water supply.

“You are hurt!”

That got his attention. “How did you?” Pike shook his head. “Never mind. My injury isn’t serious.” _But she does raise a good point_ , he thought. He returned to the medical kit and searched for a needle of the correct gauge and slender tubing, adding both to his bag. Just in case.

“Damn and blast stubborn unreasonable males. And obstinate Captains!” Tilly cursed loudly and stamped her foot. Horrified, she slapped a hand over her mouth. Her reddened cheeks could have guided Santa’s sleigh through any storm. A few seconds later she tried again, her voice now subdued but still insistent, “You cannot go back out there.”

Pike exhaled deeply. _Remember she is inexperienced, hurt and scared._ His answer was calm and measured. “I think a ship crashed.” He didn’t add _in all probability a shuttle from Discovery._ “The crew may need help.”

“But …” Tilly started. Her commanding officer’s face skidded her protest to a halt. If a look could be thunder, this was it.

“This conversation is over Ensign.” To soften his curt tone Pike added with a slight smile, “Remember you are part of a benevolent dictatorship, not a democracy.”

Tilly snorted back a laugh. That broke the tension and soothed her worry a little.

Now sure that she was listening, Pike ordered, in the tone no one defied, “Wait here.”

And yet Tilly had a little rebellion left in her and chose to share it. “No sir, I’m going with you.”

“I have to move quickly _._ ” _And I don’t have the time to search for you if we get separated._ “You _will_ stay here.” He pointed to the foraged plants and coconut-like fruit he had placed on the floor. “Do not attempt to test the water or anything else until I get back.”

Tilly started to continue her defiance, but an observation held the protest back. The Captain didn’t ask if she understood the orders. He didn’t explain the consequences of disobeying his orders. He simply left. Those actions communicated how far she had overstepped her boundaries more clearly than threats of punishment or demands for acknowledgment.

“Aye sir” she called after him, hoping she would have an opportunity later to walk back her behavior.

ooooo

**Earlier**

Owo, once again, in the same measured tone as the past three similar responses, but this time with more force, said “I realize you outrank me Commander Burnham, but Commander Saru asked _me_ to lead this team and I have asked _you_ to build the approach models, not proof the maps nor second guess the engineers’ shield modifications. There is little time remaining before our optimum launch window closes.”

Airiam kept her eyes down and focused on the display of the planet’s topographical features. She had just finished plotting the first-choice landing site; within a little less than 3 miles from the cave they believed the Captain and Tilly were using as shelter. A 5K walk, even in the building storm, was within the mission rules. But her mind drifted back to the escalating conversation between Burnham and Owo. Among the crew, Michael was well-liked and respected. And known to become overbearing when stressed. _Good for you, Joann, for holding your ground_ , _that is exactly what Captain Pike would do,_ Airiam thought.

Michael opened her mouth to respond. She considered herself an excellent engineer, though not officially trained in that area. And one of the best at spotting errors and … She desperately needed to save Tilly. To oversee every detail ensuring nothing aborted the rescue …

While waiting for a response, Owo asked herself _WWCPD? Oh that’s easy, he would offer Michael a graceful way out_. “Commander, please give Commander Saru an update on our progress? I need more time to finish my calculations.”

Michael nodded and left for the ready room.

As the preparations continued throughout the afternoon and evening, WWCPD – What Would Captain Pike Do – had become a mantra whenever an obstacle was encountered. The plan was a long shot, or as Commander Reno dubbed it, “That Crazy Hail-Mary” And their best chance to follow both their Captain’s orders to keep Discovery and her crew safe from the geometric storm _and_ his example – leave no one behind. The entire crew, operations personnel and scientists, were awake and contributing.

Another catchphrase was starting to be repeated as well – What Would Saru Do? After Detmer spent four disappointing hours in the simulator attempting to land the shuttle without power or instruments, Rhys asked himself WWSD? Insist she take a break. Rhys convinced Detmer by repeating one of Saru’s favorite adages, “You have to take care of yourself before you can care for others.”

When the team charged with equipping the expedition found that once again the supply packs exceeded the mission weight rules, they stopped and asked themselves, WWSD? Stop wasting time by rushing which led to an endless cycle of assemble, check, and then reassemble. Prep, prep, prep, and prep some more and then act!

Michael waited to enter the ready room until Saru granted permission. Once inside she found Dr. Pollard, Commander Nhan, and Commander Reno seated at the conference table with the acting Captain.

“Doctor, I hesitate to question your choice, but Nurse O’Malley?” Saru asked.

“Then why are you?” was Pollard’s sassy reply.

“The conditions will be harsh …” Saru continued his objection.

“Don’t let Bonnie’s diminutive size and mild temperament fool you. She’s a brilliant nurse, tenacious, and worked in the brutal Gileseian refugee camps.” Pollard countered. “And she volunteered – rather forcefully. If you choose to overrule my decision _you_ can explain it to her.”

“Very well Doctor, Nurse O’Malley is approved.” He turned to Nhan and Reno after Pollard exited. “I understand the two of you have a disagreement?”

Nhan launched into her side of the argument. “I have the most survival training. I should be on the team sent to the planet. And I volunteered.”

Saru tilted his head towards Reno in an invitation to speak next. “I would rather spend two months locked up with Stamets than hop into a paper airplane, oh _excuse me_ , sailplane, and drift down through an unstable atmosphere to whomp the surface. However, I like the kiddo and breaking in a new Captain is a pain in the ass.” She paused for effect and then continued; her tone now serious. “I should accompany the rescue team. I can adjust the shield modifications in real time and possibly keep the shuttle powered a little longer. It’s our best shot at landing intact.”

Nhan jumped back in, “Mission rules limit the team to three. I have the best chance of getting the team and supplies through that ice hurricane to the cave. And making sure we all survive whatever the geometric storm throws at the planet next.”

Saru understood now why Captain Pike often stood away from the group when deciding. It was easier to think through options away from staring eyes, and away from the eyes of the ones you would be choosing to assume great risk. “Commander Nhan, I believe …”

“No, you are going to choose Reno aren’t you?” Nhan uncharacteristically interrupted. “But he’s my Captain. I’m his Security Chief on Discovery and Assistant Security Chief on Enterprise. It’s my duty to see to his safety _on and off the ship at all times_ ,” she pleaded. “Please. He’s done so much for me.”

“Yes, I am.” Saru said. He held up his hand to halt another interruption. “I understand your reasons … and I empathize. But if the shuttle does not successfully land none of the rest matters. The team needs an engineer and Commander Reno has demonstrated a unique capability for surviving perilous situations.”

“But …” Nhan decided to try one more time.

Saru shook his head. Nhan sighed. “If there are no further questions you are dismissed.”

As they left the ready room, Nhan asked Reno, “How can I help you get ready?”

Saru turned to Michael. They had spoken little the past few days, Michael still angry over his choice not to follow her recommendation and jump back to the planet earlier. He over her suggestion that they employ the transporter in a highly unethical rescue attempt. Not over the suggestion so much as her willingness to engage in such a reckless action.

Michael delivered her team’s update. And then implored, her voice unusually small, “Please let me accompany the rescue team.”

Saru motioned for her to sit beside him. “I am sorry. I cannot. The ship, her crew, and I … I need you here. Others can perform the rescue. You are my best second-in-command. The one I trust most to take care of our crew.”

Michael started to argue, to plead, to beg, to make promises, anything to change Saru’s mind. Then a recent conversation with Captain Pike bubbled up. Clearly it had been an admonishment, but the Captain’s scoldings were more often a kind teacher suggesting a different approach rather than a senior officer reciting a litany of poor decisions and incorrect actions. She no longer remembered the situation that triggered the discussion, but she did remember his final comment, “Michael, you have a vital role to play, but you cannot play _all_ the roles.”

She asked herself, WWCPD? WWSD? She rose and inclined her head to Saru. “Yes sir. Thank you for trusting me, despite my harsh words several days ago. For valuing me when I let the past cloud my judgement. For forgiving me even when I … go too far.”

Saru returned the gesture of respect. “Inflamed rhetoric aside or included, you were performing your duty as my second-in-command.”

Two hours later the rescue team and senior officers gathered for a GO/NO GO decision briefing.

“All planned modifications and a few extras are complete. Engineering is a GO.” Reno reported.

“The ship is prepared for the jump. Best course has been plotted. Spore drive and it’s navigator are a GO.” Stamets reported.

“Maps, weather, and atmospheric data completed. FIDO is a GO.” Owo reported.

“All necessary supplies are loaded and within the weight limit. It’s a GO.” Reported the Quartermaster.

“The storm is moving faster than originally forecasted, and it will be stronger than anticipated. The timing puts it slightly outside mission rules.” Meteorology reported. “Technically I have to call a NO GO, but I believe we are close enough to consider an exception.”

“Bridge is ready. GO.” Michael reported.

Others reported GO status.

All eyes turned to Detmer and Rhys. They exchanged glances. “I have landed successfully 48% of the time. That’s slightly below mission rules. But the simulator can only test so much. It can _never_ be a substitute for feeling the currents as I fly. I _know_ I can do it.” Detmer stated matter-of-factly.

All eyes turned to Saru. “ _How do you decide when the odds are essentially even?”_ He had asked Captain Pike during one of their habitual late-night talks. The Captain had waited a few minutes and then answered, _“I choose hope … and faith.”_

“We GO.”

ooooo

**Present**

As time crawled by Tilly heard the wind pick up. _Another storm must be coming_ , she thought. Then she began hearing other noises as well – breaking twigs, leaves crackling and crunching under footsteps, and voices. At least two different voices. Too high in pitch to be Captain Pike but they sounded familiar. _Could it be possible? Did Discovery get through?_ She grabbed her crutch and hobbled to the mouth of the cave as quickly as her injuries allowed.

Reno was the first to step inside, her dark eyebrows frosted with ice. She made a beeline for the fire and stripped off her backpack, wet gloves and coat. “A fire! Thank heavens. We’re practically icicles.” She continued in a grumbling tone. “Never cared for snow. And ice is only useful when consuming a fine whiskey. I thought that damn fool meteorologist was being dramatic with all that ice hurricane claptrap. Turns out he was low-balling the situation.”

Bonnie entered the cave next and immediately guided her patient to the wall and eased her down. “And stay down until I have a chance to examine you properly.”

Detmer followed Bonnie and after shedding the larger backpack and other bags she carried, joined Reno at the fire. As the ice on her hair melted, she fisted the strands wringing out the water. “We just beat the full force of the storm. And the temperature is dropping fast. The wind was so fierce even the knit caps and hoods didn’t keep the rain, snow and sleet out.”

Tilly was too relieved to speak. _Everything will be OK now._

Reno nudged Detmer’s arm. “Not a good sign when the kiddo is quiet.” She called over to Bonnie, “You should check her out thoroughly.”

Tilly found her voice. “How did you …”

Reno interrupted, “Detmer got bored and decided she wanted to fly a paper airplane.”

“Huh?” Tilly asked with a confused look.

“I’ll explain in more detail later, but we found a way to land a shuttle.” Detmer explained.

“ _Land_ would be a generous description of the experience.” Reno shot back.

Detmer huffed, “Ok, Ok. We crashed. Like I said, I couldn’t compensate for that last horizontal wind shear.”

Bonnie glanced at the two bickering officers with a fond expression. “They’ve been at it like this the whole hike. Luckily, there was time to gather the supplies we brought before … before damage caused the shuttle to … rapidly combust.”

Reno rolled her eyes. “That is an understatement.”

“Tell me about your injuries.” Bonnie asked as she expertly and gently, using only her hands and eyes since the tricorders were already inoperable, assessed Tilly’s condition.

“Broken left leg, broken left collarbone, twice dislocated right shoulder, a sprained or broken wrist, concussion, maybe cracked ribs on left side, and a really, really painful bruise over most of my back.”

After finishing her exam, Bonnie spoke directly to Tilly. “The Captain must be an expert medic. Even Dr. Pollard would be pleased with how well the bones are set and immobilized. I couldn’t have done better myself. You are stable and healing nicely. Did your supplies survive the transporter?”

TIlly shook her head. “The medical supplies and a couple of water bottles Commander Nhan put with the climbing gear made it through intact.” She pointed at the pieced together blanket. “Otherwise very little was salvageable.”

“You are relatively well-hydrated for sharing just the water from the medical kit and those couple of extra bottles between two people for this amount of time.”

“I don’t think we have been sharing it equally.” Tilly admitted.

Bonnie patted her arm, “No worries, we have plenty of water and IV fluids. And food.” She looked around. “Where is the Captain, I want to check him as well.”

Tilly paled and with a trembling voice asked, “You mean he’s not with you?”

Detmer, Reno, and Bonnie responded in unison. “No.”


	15. Chapter 15

The flashpoint of the blast blinded and deafened him. In the critical minutes after the explosion he wandered aimlessly, confused from the loss of his two primary senses and the side effects of dehydration.

Later ingrained training kicked in and Pike willed himself to stop walking and sit.

What the hell happened? He asked himself. He had been searching …

For what?

He tried to remember … but … there was nothing other than …

Urgency. Time was of the essence.

He resisted jumping to his feet. Rushing off to … to what?

You don’t even know where you are, much less what needed … who needed …

Who? Was someone in trouble? My ship? My crew? Does a member of my crew need my help?

He shivered. Ran his hands up and down his arms to generate warmth. His clothes were soaked. The relentless rain felt … thicker.

And although his body was cold, his face, fingers and palms felt like fire. How odd.

Relax. Don’t try to force remembering. Breathe. Four breaths in, hold, four breaths out. Again.

Again. Again. Again. Again.

His ears were ringing. He opened one eye cautiously. Saw only black. Tried the other. This time all was grey with shadows.

Do. Not. Panic.

First priority – determine your location – unknown. OK, no way to fix that so move on.

Second priority – inventory supplies. He felt around. No utility bag, no equipment. He was sitting against something hard. A rock? He scratched and it crumbled. Bark. A tree.

He checked each pants pocket. Found an object which was cold and hard, maybe metallic? Five inches long and half an inch across. Feeling carefully around the object he found a small button. Pressed it. Sensed a whoosh. Something had released. Exploring, he nicked a finger. A blade, a pocketknife. Retracting the blade he placed it back in his pocket and resumed searching.

Another pocket held a small, pointed slender object and an arm’s length of something that was tiny, maybe a centimeter in diameter. Round. Made of plastic. And hollow. Baffled he returned it to the pocket and closed the zipper.

His head was swimming. Concussion? I don’t remember hitting my head. But then I don’t remember much of anything.

Stuffed in the waistband his uniform was … it felt like a container or a small bag. With a long strap. Made of cloth … no, but some type of flexible material. It was … squishy. There was a cap on the side that could be … screwed off. After removing it he dipped a finger in cautiously. Wet.

Water?

He sniffed it. Odorless.

Water.

That thought unleashed an intense, desperate need to down the entire contents in one swallow.

Information swam up, more training. He allowed himself only a few sips, remembering that too much too soon wouldn’t stay down.

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink. Was that a nursery rhyme? No a poem. The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. By Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Damn odd thing to think of right now. Why is it significant?

He lost track of time as he continued drinking measured sips and testing his eyes. Pondered why he was quoting poetry.

Eventually he noticed the rain felt fluffy. And colder.

Shelter. Must find shelter.

Reflexively he stood using the tree as a brace. Raised his arms and reached forward as far as he could.

Nothing.

Repeated the process on each side.

Nothing.

He could only see grey with shadows. His hearing was comprised by the incessant roaring. He fought the impulse to start walking. Don’t want to fall off a cliff.

Where did that come from?

Focus. Shelter. What can you do right here?

He caught the fluffy rain in his hands. Discovered he could mold it into a ball.

Snow … Ice …

More training bubbled up.

Use the snow and ice. Build a crude quinzee.

He felt up, searching for tree branches. The branches were pine needle like.

Think … Think … Line the ground with branches cut from the tree. To insulate the shelter and provide a dry place to sit.

The snowstorm concentrated into a blizzard. He worked steadily, carefully keeping his hands dry with his uniform jacket. The temperature plummeted.

The sort-of quinzee would be tight, but warm enough. There wasn’t time to make it larger. He’d have to sit low with his legs crossed. He hated feeling confined. Imprisoned. Closed in.

Once ensconced inside he took a few more sips of water and made a rationing plan – a few sips every two hours until the lightheadedness went away then every four hours. He set his internal clock.

He dozed and then slept. Dreamed. Woke suddenly.

That’s it! I’m stranded. We were out of water. We? We?

Oh no. Where is Tilly? Is she safe?

And where the hell did I get water?


	16. Chapter 16

**Earlier**

**Discovery**

“Jump complete.” Airiam reported. “We are 20,000 kilometers from the planet, as planned.”

“Shuttle launched successfully.” Owo reported. “The planet’s gravitational field will begin influencing the shuttle in 90 seconds.”

“Eighteen minutes to red line and internal system failures.” Rhys reported.

“Bryce confirm Stamets and Engineering are ready to jump back on my command.” Saru ordered as he turned to Michael. She gave him a faint smile, echoing his and her own building hopes. “Owo, please display the shuttle’s flight path on the main viewscreen.”

The bridge crew watched as Detmer guided the shuttle down through the atmosphere.

“Fifteen minutes to red line.”

“Master Chief reports transporters are unstable.”

“Medical reports sporadic augmentations failures, nothing serious.”

“Engineering reports random equipment failures. Shield modifications performing as expected.”

“Life support remains normal.”

“Ten minutes to red line.”

“Sir, there is a meteorite within 100 meters of the flight path. Detmer is adjusting their course.” Owo reported.

“Acknowledged, continue monitoring.”

“Thirty kilometers to the surface.”

“Four minutes to red line.”

They collectively held their breath.

Owo called out. “Sir, I think the meteorite bounced off the shuttle’s shields. Its trajectory is now steeper, at this angle the friction from the atmosphere is likely to cause it to explode near the surface.” She tried to tamp down the alarm in her voice but failed, “The shuttle may be too close … I don’t know if they can get clear in time.”

“Magnify, give me a visual.” Saru ordered. “Can the transporter get them?”

“No sir, … transporters … now … offline” Airiam managed to respond. The augmentation that regulated her involuntary nervous system was failing. Soon she would be unable to breathe.

“Three minutes to red line.”

An intensely bright blue light erupted and filled the viewscreen. The crew shielded their eyes.

“Owo, is there any chance?” Saru asked, his voice nearly a whisper.

“Sensors are shutting down, but intermittent readings indicate … everything … within a ten-kilometer radius … was vaporized. I am no longer reading the shuttle.” Owo answered in a strangled tone.

Michael choked back a cry, covering her mouth with her hand. Saru buried his head in his hands. The bridge crew turned to him, looking for direction and solace.

“Two minutes to red line.” Rhys said quietly.

Saru stood and snapped to attention, projecting a poise and calm he did not feel. Another crewman caught Airiam as she collapsed to the deck. “Bryce, Black Alert. Jump. And call Medical to the bridge. Owo, I need ship’s status immediately after we complete the jump.”

**Planet side**

Pike estimated he had covered five kilometers in 30 minutes. A reasonable pace factoring in dehydration. Yet if he had calculated the distance to the blast site correctly, it was still a good hour and a half away. Which might be too late to be of any help.

Visibility was limited but reasonable despite the increasing sleet and wind, and, amazingly, light from one of the suns broke through the clouds here and there. The horizon to the south was ominous, but that approaching storm was still a several hours away. If a ship had crashed, he surmised there would be just enough time treat any injuries and get everyone back to safety.

In his peripheral vision a quick flicker, like light bouncing off metal, caught his attention. _Is it possible I misjudged the distance?_

_By 15 kilometers? Unlikely._ He was too well trained in orienteering.

I should keep moving and not waste precious time.

Yet …

Intuition stopped him. He retraced his steps and detoured to investigate.

He saw the flicker again. And again, each time the wind rustled leaves on the trees and sunlight streamed through. Just beyond and to the side of the copse of trees was … something.

He got closer.

A shuttle.

He ran towards it.

The doors were shut. There was no movement. And …

He quickened his pace after noting the rapidly growing fuel leak.

ooooo

**Present**

**Discovery**

Saru sat in the dark ready room which as illuminated only by the status reports filling the various wall mounted viewscreens. He had disobeyed his Captain’s orders, gambled and … failed. Now the situation was worse.

Discovery was damaged. Repairs were underway, but all external comms, short, medium, and long range, and all three engines, impulse, warp, and spore drives, were offline due to a cascading failure. Even if the geometric storm cleared today, it would be two to three days before they could return to the planet. They couldn’t call for help. Not that any vessel would reach them in time.

And the rescue attempt cost three and potentially 5 lives.

His worst fears were confirmed. The changes rendered by his Vahar'ai – such as fearlessness and this new innate belief in his invincibility – led to dangerous and reckless decisions. Perhaps he was no longer fit to command and should turn the ship over to Michael.

_But … Captain Pike entrusted the ship and crew to your care. This predicament is of your making. It’s your responsibility to clean it up. Then you can think about stepping aside._

Lost in thought he failed to notice Michael quietly enter the room until she sat beside him. “You made the right call,” she said quietly, taking his hand in hers.

**In the Cave**

“We have plenty of water and IV fluids. And food.” Bonnie looked around. “Where is the Captain, I want to check him as well.”

Tilly paled and with a trembling voice asked, “You mean he’s not with you?”

Detmer, Reno, and Bonnie responded in unison. “No.”

“He … we … saw the flashpoint from the explosion and he went to … I told him not to … I practically ordered him not to … oh no.” Tilly stammered.

Reno squatted and grasped both of her arms. “Breathe. Tell me exactly what happened, using short sentences and fewer words.” Without turning she ordered loudly, “Freeze Detmer and O’Malley,” as the two started to run back into the storm.

“But we have to …” Detmer started.

“The Captain might need help.” Bonnie finished.

Reno pointed to the ground. “Sit. First, we figure this out. Go Tilly.”

Tilly took a deep breath. “After seeing the explosion the Captain left. He was concerned a ship had crashed.”

“Smart boy.” Reno muttered to herself. “Continue.”

“He is hurt. I saw a bruise on the same side as the New Eden injury.”

“How?” Detmer asked.

“Not important right now.” Reno countered.

“I mean how was he injured.” Detmer clarified.

But Tilly was already off and running. “He was stacking wood one night must have thought I was asleep took his shirt off to dry it by the fire only I wasn’t sleeping and I watched …”

Detmer rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“Wait.” Bonnie held up her hand. “You saw the Captain shirtless?”

Tilly nodded.

“Was he as good … ahem … well-built as we expected?”

“Better.”

Reno cut in, “Focus please.”

Bonnie couldn’t resist. “We are.”

“On the Captain’s absence not his abs.” Reno responded drily, trying to suppress a grin. _This story is much too good to keep from Una._ But that was for another time. “Continue Ensign.”

“Captain Pike estimated the blast was … what did he say … oh yeah, twenty kilometers from here.” Tilly explained in a more measured tone.

“But we landed five kilometers from here.” Detmer’s brow creased. “And I doubt the shuttle fire could be seen or heard here from that distance.”

“So we missed each other?” Bonnie suggested.

“Most likely.” Reno concluded.

Detmer continued puzzling through the mismatched events. “What did the Captain and Tilly see? A fireball from 20 kilometers away? That would have required a massive explosion.”

“Maybe he miscalculated the distance?” Tilly offered.

With an incredulous look Detmer answered, “Not probable, Captain Pike is a pilot and a navigator.” She connected the dots. “The meteor. That’s it.”

“It really was something Tilly. A meteor bounced off our shields and exploded in the atmosphere. The shockwave precipitated the wind shear that downed the shuttle.” Bonnie looked to Reno. “And while we technically crashed, it was an expertly well-controlled crash.”

“I must agree, grudgingly.” Reno added.

Bonnie continued. “Early in the flight, our instruments and systems started failing because of the geometric storm. Including, most likely, the carbon dioxide scrubbers. Before we could exit, the Commander and I passed out. In addition to getting the shuttle on the ground mostly intact, Keyla got us and the supplies off the ship before the fuel ignited.”

Detmer looked up. “No, I didn’t. I was unconscious as well. I assumed the Commander got us out. Since the wind made it difficult to hear each other as we hiked, I never asked to confirm my assumption. We were alive and the supplies were intact, that was all that mattered.”

Reno shook her head. “No, I woke up just as the fuel ignited. I was lying in the grass near the trees. The bags of supplies were nearby. I thought you carried us off the ship.”

“I woke up lying in front of the shuttle. I couldn’t see the fuel leak.” Detmer replied.

“When I came to, I was sitting up, leaned against a tree a few meters away.” Bonnie added. 

“Do you think the Captain?” Tilly asked.

“It’s the only plausible explanation.” Detmer concluded. “He saved our lives.”

“Then, where is he?” Tilly asked mirroring the other’s concern. She tried to stand using the crude crutch. “We have to go search for him. At the very least, he’s lost in the storm, likely without shelter and the temperature is dropping!”

“Whoa, you are not going anywhere.” Bonnie informed her patient as she caught Tilly and eased her down.

“Neither is anyone else.” Reno stated firmly. Tilly, Detmer, and Bonnie looked at the engineer, faces angry, eyes pleading for a different choice. “I hate to go all ‘Commander’ on you, but in the Captain’s absence I am the senior officer. It would be suicide to go out in that storm. With the whiteout you can’t see your hands in front of your face. None of our instruments are working. We don’t know where to start searching. We stay put until the storm eases.”

“But the Captain …” Tilly started, now angry enough, for the second time today, to directly and adamantly question a superior.

“Had a chance of success, however slight. We do not. He had direction and distance. Conditions were not treacherous. Or, for that matter, impassable.” Reno clarified. Then her expression softened. “I’m sorry. We will find him, as soon as it is reasonable to search. Keep in mind the Captain is trained to survive harsh conditions.”

Detmer and Bonnie nodded weakly.

Tilly buried her face in her hands, fighting back tears. “But he’s hurt.” She pleaded.

“Tilly,” Bonnie said using her most reassuring tone, hoping to provide comfort, “most likely the injury is only a contusion and not serious. Otherwise he would not have been able to gather all this wood nor carry you and the supplies to this cave. The previous injury is completely healed.”

Reno decided work was the best way to keep their minds occupied. “Let’s get organized. After dinner we will divide into three watches. I’ll take the middle one. Keyla, see to the fire. Bonnie, inventory the medical supplies. Tilly, check the rest of the supplies. With apologies to Kofi, looks like I am tonight’s chef.”

Bonnie started with the medical kit originally beamed down to Captain Pike. Most of the supplies were gone except for the inoperable equipment. The old-style anesthesia canister was half empty and she made a mental note to ask Tilly about it. _That’s odd_ , she thought as she rifled through the bag. _Why would he take that? Maybe my assumption regarding his injury was optimisti_ c. After further consideration she decided she was reacting to their collective worry and jumping to premature conclusions. After all, in these conditions, it was sensible when responding to an accident to bring the old-fashioned needle for treating a tension pneumothorax.

**In the Quinzee**

Time passed slowly.

After more water and sleep it was easier for Pike to piece together recent events. The shuttle. His crew unconscious inside. Carrying them out. Finding water among the supplies and tucking one container into his waistband.

A frayed circuit on the navigation board flickering into a cascade of sparks and flashes that momentarily disoriented him.

Stumbling outside.

The scent of leaking fuel reminding him to hurry, to get the supplies out.

A loud noise. A brighter flash. An explosion causing flash-blindness and tinnitus. A fire.

The hearing was improving, but his sight remained dark and shadowy. He was certain his hands and face were burned.

His pulse was a little rapid for a resting state. Which was reasonable given the exertion and dehydration.

The pain in his side was sharper, and at times his chest felt tight.

_Ah, the pop you felt when arranging that last stack of wood was a rib breaking. Rest and limited movement should resolve any issues from that._

He felt for the pocket with the needle and tubing. _And if needed, you are prepared._


	17. Chapter 17

**Discovery**

It was midnight by ship’s time.

Work continued around the clock. Shields were again at full strength. Both internal and external comms remained inoperable forcing the crew to rely on runners and communicators. Tomorrow they would test the repaired spore drive. The warp and impulse drives had suffered the heaviest damage. Their restoration was still a couple of days away.

Michael had the bridge and would deal with anything urgent.

Sleep, which Saru once could summon at will, remained elusive. Another side effect of his Vahar'ai. In its stead the sequence of events played over and over in his mind, like an unwelcome song you cannot get out of your head. Owo reporting the passing meteor. Detmer adjusting course. The space rock bouncing off the shuttle’s shields and exploding, vaporizing everything in a wide radius including Keyla, Bonnie, and Jett.

Fortunately, the remaining crew were well, and the few injuries sustained were minor. Airiam remained in Sickbay for observation, even brief shielded exposure to the geometric waves had scrambled her augmentations. Dr. Pollard’s last update confirmed Airiam suffered no permanent damage.

His official report detailing the incident was already prepared, including, actually highlighting, his disobedience of Captain Pike’s orders to keep Discovery at a safe distance from the geometric storm and remain there until at least 24 hours after the effects from the storm dissipated. Where would he go after the court martial and dishonorable discharge? What would he do? He idly stroked the fredalia blossom he had clipped. Right now he longed for home. For his sister and his father.

Had others experienced Vahar'ai? Were there records of their experiences? He needed guidance from his own species. Needed to know what else to expect. Would his topsy-turvy emotions swing ever more wildly? His intransigence deepen? Would the volatility lessen? His newfound fearlessness certainly proved to be as much of an Achilles’ heel as his previous timidity.

Yet returning was not an option and never would be, his choices ended that path long ago.

The door chime rang, Saru rose to answer it. No matter how much he wanted to hide, the commanding officer did not have that luxury, irrespective of personal challenges.

Tracy Pollard entered without waiting for an invitation. She held out a thermos and gestured for Saru to take it. “I brought you my grandmother’s tonic for rough times. And before you reach for the shaker, it’s already liberally salted.” Watching Saru carefully remove the lid and gingerly raise the cup to his lips she added, “Granny Jean would admonish you for sipping. Or, as she would say, bottoms up.”

Unsure why the bottom would be up and not wanting to offend the Doctor by asking Saru took a long, large drink.

The coughing spell lasted for several minutes as the potent, heavily spiced, warm alcoholic drink continued to burn his throat and esophagus. He squeaked out, “Your _grandmother_ gave you this?”

“Yep, as soon as we hit puberty. Whenever we had a difficult problem. Right before she said, ‘Put on your big girl panties and walk it off’. Let’s just say we didn’t go to Granny Jean for cuddles and hugs.”

_This explains a lot about Discovery’s chief medical officer_ , Saru thought.

“But when I failed anatomy class, when my first love cast me aside, I sought out Granny Jean.”

“Please sit Tracy.” Once they were both settled, Saru continued, “Thank you … for … for the company.”

“There is a reason commanding officers and CMOs bond. We are the only ones on board the ship who can actually understand what the other is going through. I won’t tell you the loss wasn’t your fault. I won’t tell you it was the right decision because we don’t have enough context yet to judge that.”

Tracy continued quietly and with a faint kind smile. “I will tell you sometimes I make a treatment choice for a patient and … and it doesn’t prevent a permanent injury or their death. That’s my fault. That’s the responsibility I’ve accepted. Was it the right or wrong choice? That is impossible to know in the immediate aftermath, sometimes I never know. I often wonder was I too aggressive? Or did I wait too long?” She shrugged and shook her head. “What I do know is I make the best choice I can given the multitude of issues in the moment. What I do know is that I cannot control every factor.”

Saru answered, just as quietly. “I disobeyed his orders.”

“The Captain didn’t put the computer in charge of the ship. He left it and the crew in the capable hands of a thinking, feeling, sentient being. One who would weigh his orders against the ever-changing situation.” She paused, and Saru thought he caught a quick impish grin, “The Captain and Tilly are part of the Discovery crew are they not? The crew whose safety was left in your care. Therefore the rescue attempt followed your orders.”

Saru smiled. His first genuine smile in days. “I believe Captain Pike would disagree with your assessment. And enjoy every minute of the debate.”

Tracy rolled her eyes. “The Captain frequent disagrees with my assessments and instructions when they involve him. But then CMOs exist to remind Captains what is good for them.”

“First Officers and CMOs have a lot in common.” Saru remarked drily.

Tracy leaned forward. “When you doubt yourself remember, someone has to weigh all the factors and make the final decision. Captain Pike choose you to do that. What better endorsement could you have?”

Saru’s communicator beeped. Michael explained the situation in a rushed, excited tone. “Call Commander Stamets to the bridge,” he ordered, “I am on my way.” Closing the communicator he turned back to Tracy, “Prepare Sickbay for a black alert.”

As he left for the bridge, Saru thought, _my hardest choice may yet be in front of me._

ooooo

**Quinzee**

Time passed slowly. Sleep came only in bits and pieces. There was little room to move in the tight space, the roof was too low to sit straight and the circumference too small to stretch out his arms and legs, leading to inevitable muscle cramps.

And it was cold. Very cold. Very, very cold. Extremely cold. Not ‘I won’t survive cold’ but he was not a fan of snow and ice.

Or tight spaces. A slight infrequent discomfort with feeling trapped had ratcheted up after Talos IV.

Pike guessed it was near midnight. Though that guess was based on his internal clock. He checked his eyesight at periodic intervals, but the results were inconclusive. There was little light in his shelter, turning everything shadowed and grey.

_OK, survival 101, when your immediate safety is secured give your mind a task._

That brought a smile, as thinking of Tilly often did. _Was she really reciting Newton’s Principia verbatim while I was gone?_ He shook his head. _Only Tilly._ Which was part of her unique charm.

What was Saru doing, risking the ship and crew for what was a supply run. There was no way a shuttle could have taken off again with the effects of the geometric storm. _After I explicitly ordered him to remain at a safe distance._

_Back off Chris, until you know all the facts. Saru, even in this new phase, is not given to reckless actions._

_How the hell did Detmer land that thing under these conditions? Working through the possibilities took some time. Was it possible? Yes, that would have been the only way – gliding. Where did she get that idea … oh … I’m at that age where the cocky stunts from my past are now being refined by the up and comers._

_Detmer could grow into one of the best pilots in the fleet._ Pike made a mental note to nurture her talent. A mental note to explain, in detail, the recklessness of flying a shuttle like a glider. And a mental note to let her know how impressed he was. _Una would be an ideal mentor for her._

Dealing with Tilly’s anger and insubordination when he left the cave was going to be delicate. Adding her personal feelings in the mix only made the situation trickier. There was a fine distinction between reasonably questioning your commander’s actions and orders and crossing to the wrong side of that line. A difference Tilly had yet to learn and needed to learn without losing confidence in herself. But that was a task for when they made it back to the ship.

_When is the next signal, the third red burst going to reveal itself? At this pace, this mission could take months._ Perhaps Spock, when they found him, could find a way to sequence the signals. Or Stamets with his unique relationship with time and space due to the tardigrade DNA. He made another mental note.

He worked through the crew roster, making mental notes for actions to encourage, help, reward, and transfer various individuals.

His chest felt constricted, like a rock was pressing on it. Since he hadn’t noticed the broken rib shift, the tight space was most likely the culprit. He breathed slowly and deeply, again and again, willing the discomfort with to recede.

_I wonder how Saru’s relationship with our botanist is going._

His thoughts drifted back to Tilly. This experience created an intimacy between them. A comfortable one. Would it remain? Would it grow?

The breathing exercise relieved most of the chest tightness, though his lungs were getting raspy.

ooooo

Reno relieved Bonnie at midnight for the second watch. She positioned herself near the fire with a view of the mouth of the cave and the young officers in her charge. Three hours of sleep proved adequate rest for her body and mind. As she waited and watched, the engineer let her thoughts wander without restriction and without direction using a favorite problem-solving technique of her late wife. It was part of a Soyousian meditation practice, but Jett never had the temperament nor patience to learn the entire ritual.

The firelight reflected off the golden wind-up pocket watch in her hand, a family heirloom passed down through generations. She kept the watch in her pocket during stressful times, finding it’s faint but rhythmic ticking soothing. Tonight it triggered memories as well – the shimmering reflection a fond reminder of her wife’s eyes. Nisha’s dark eyes were a mirror of space, light twinkling against dusk. Jett smiled, cherishing the image _. It’s a good thing no one can read my mind and discover I am truly a softie_ , she thought, _it would undermine my carefully cultivated image._

Being part of the Discovery crew was smoothing away the last whisps of her grief. Their experience during the war melded the crew into a tight-knit group, one that opened its arms and warmly invited her in. After ten months of solitude the companionship was overwhelming at times but also welcome. The ‘kids’, her term for the junior officers, cajoled her into meals and games and parties.

Captain Pike listened. He, without fail, called her to the ready room with an engineering question on the days grief poked through. The question invariably led to reminiscing about Nisha’s six-month assignment on Enterprise and expanded into Reno sharing her own favorite anecdotes about her late wife.

And Stamets, a recent widower himself, understood her loss as no one else could. He communicated sympathy quietly with a hand on her arm or an empathetic look in between their banter and bickering.

Jett now found contentment and solace when a memory surfaced rather than sharp pain. She had known deep unconditional love and was grateful for every second they had shared.

Her thoughts bounced back to the current situation. Detmer, Bonnie and Tilly reluctantly accepted it was not possible to search for their missing Captain until the storm abated. But there were few good options once it did. They had no working tricorders. No idea of the direction the Captain took. No understanding of why he left them and the shuttle.

_That is damn odd. Captain Pike willingly leaving his unconscious crew?_ She shook her head firmly. _Not within his nature._ Something caused him to walk away. Or lured him away. Determining what and why could provide a starting point _. Otherwise the search will be like looking for a specific bolt in a mountain of parts._

Tilly stirred and wiggled until she was sitting up with her back resting against the cave wall. Reno went over to check on her. “OK kid?”

“Yeah, I just … I can’t sleep.”

“Try, we’re going to need that big brain of yours to find the Captain once the weather clears.”

“This is all so fu … I mean messed up.” Tilly swept her arm around, “All of this is my fault.”

“Explain.”

Tilly giggled, “You sounded like Captain Pike just then.”

“I shall endeavor not to do that in the future, but still explain.”

“I ignored protocol on an unmapped planet and left my away team without permission. I fell. The Captain stayed to help me.” Tilly shrugged sadly. “I’m to blame.”

“No you are not.” Tilly looked at Reno skeptically. “Yes, leaving your team was wrong. And I imagine the Captain will have quite a lot to say to you about that.”

Tilly groaned. “I’ve been on the receiving end of his scoldings several times already.”

“And yet you don’t learn. Why is that?” Reno asked. “Anyway, back to my infinite wisdom. Yes, you did one thing wrong. The rest … just happened. Some of it was out of your, my, anyone’s control, some if it was other’s decisions. You are not responsible for either.”

“But …”

Reno shook her head. “No buts. Misplaced guilt is a waste of time and energy and solves nothing. Put those efforts into staying alive and finding the Captain. Into actions that are productive. Right now that is rest.”

“You know, you’re like the crazy aunt in the Discovery family.” Tilly mused.

Reno looked amused. Grinned. Like that label pleased her. Or like she was about to make this junior officer’s life hell.

“No … wait … I didn’t mean it that way, not quite that way.” Tilly tried frantically to backpedal. “I mean the eccentric aunt. The favorite aunt. The one who does all the cool things. And the one you go to for advice for your _real_ problems. The ones you can’t talk to your mother about.”

“It’s OK kid.”

Tilly took a deep breath and then, talking very fast, asked “I need advice. From someone who actually knows something. Who’s been there. I think I am in love.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Discovery**

Saru arrived on the bridge immediately after Commander Stamets who was already conversing rapidly with Airaim about the spore drive’s status. Michael and Owo huddled over the ops station debating whether the ship’s sensors were functioning normally. Bryce banged his console after the latest fix did not restore internal communications. Frustration released he updated each critical department via individual communicator that the commanding officer had returned to the bridge.

Nhan flashed the Kelpien a sympathetic look as he exited the turbolift.

“Commander Burnham, do you have confirmation on the acquisition of a third signal?” Saru asked as he sat in the command chair.

“Absolute confirmation – no.” Michael answered.

“What is your confidence level?” Saru inquired after taking a breath to steady himself.

Michael nodded to Owo who responded, “Seventy-five percent. The phenomenon our sensors picked up shares many properties with the two preceding signals but also exhibits minor differences.”

“Alternative interpretations?” Saru prodded.

“A pulsar not on our current maps, a neutrino wave disturbance, or maybe a supernova.” Owo struggled to keep her voice even as she considered the implications of the appearance of another signal. “It’s difficult to discern at this distance.”

“Very well, please continue refining your conclusions.” Saru turned to his left. “Lieutenant Rhys tactical analysis?”

“The phenomenon is located a significant distance outside the borders of Federation space. Information on that sector is limited. We have basic navigation maps. There is no record of a claim to the area by another species or alliance.”

“Spore drive status?” Saru asked next.

Airaim answered. “Repairs have not been tested.”

Stamets added. “We can’t risk a long-distance jump before running a calibration test on the drive. Maybe in an hour …” he looked at Airiam who nodded. “We’ll speed up preparations and cut a few corners. Give us an hour to prep the test.”

“We may not have the luxury of time.” Tracy, who had followed Saru to the bridge, suggested. “If the pattern holds with the previous signals, someone needs help.”

Stamets and Airaim exchanged a long look before he responded, “OK. We’ll find a way to perform a miracle and be ready in fifteen minutes.”

“Thank you, Commanders. Bryce inform each department.” Saru ordered. Hearing Captain Pike’s voice in his head – _one step at a time_ – he resisted ruminating over unsupported conclusions and their possible damning effects and unavoidable outcomes as the communication officer repeated, “Pass the word, black alert. Jump in twenty minutes.”

ooooo

**Quinzee**

The temperature plummeted suddenly and significantly as the night wore on. Conditions in the mini snow/ice cave were deteriorating; not yet hazardous but inching closer. Pike was tempted to enlarge one of the small ventilation holes to check if the storm was abating and, more importantly, if his eyesight had improved, but resisted as a crack might form and weaken the structure causing its collapse.

Staying awake is the current challenge. With the increasing cold, sleep is now dangerous.

He had refused to give in to doubts earlier, but in the dark and frigid night they crept in. Were Reno, Detmer, and Bonnie alive? Did they survive the initial blast and subsequent fire from the explosion? He was careful to carry them well away from the shuttle after discovering the leaking fuel. But was it enough? He also ensured each was sheltered; Bonnie among the far trees, Detmer at the opposite end of the shuttle, Reno on the side of the shuttle opposite the fuel pods.

Yes, he decided, it was reasonable to assume they were safe from the effects of the explosion.

Bonnie’s breathing was shallow when he found her but there wasn’t time to find an oxygen mask. All he could do was prop her up against a tree trunk and hope that was enough.

But did they make it shelter before the storm hit? Did they find Tilly? Were the supplies he carried out of the shuttle enough to sustain the four of them until Discovery could return?

And Tilly. Was she okay? Or, angry with him, did she indulge in a reckless, impulsive action? Try to follow him?

When faced with limited supplies until Discovery could return, when faced with crew who needed help, he made the necessary choices – allocate the supplies to give Tilly her best chance for survival, make the long hike in worsening conditions to treat any injured in the first explosion. Those choices were not difficult. His crew’s well-being was paramount. Someday Tilly would understand that. If she didn’t kill herself first in a well-meaning sacrifice of her own.

His worries moved to Discovery. The shuttle that crashed was the most aerodynamic Discovery carried but a short-range model. It required Discovery to fly into the geometric disturbance in order to reach this planet. Against his explicit orders.

Did Discovery and its crew survive this rescue attempt?

In retrospect he questioned his decision leaving Discovery under Saru’s command while the Kelpien was also learning to manage the intense mood swings and behavior quirks resulting from his Vahar'ai. With Michael as Saru’s second. Michael whose intense need to never lose anyone clouded her judgement at times and encouraged taking chances that were too risky. It was meant as a tangible display of confidence in Discovery’s senior officers. To demonstrate his trust in a crew that was still wary of him.

Both were growing into fine leaders. And Pike believed Saru’s further maturing from Vahar'ai would eventually prove an asset for the Kelpien. _But did my well-meaning but perhaps premature intention condemn an entire crew? Was Nhan, who would have held the line without sentimentality and kept the ship safely away, the better choice in this situation?_

Once the storm calmed could he find the shuttle? His crew? The cave? How foolish to give into the disorientation after the fuel exploded and wander off. He chuckled. _OK Chris, you are not superhuman and no force of will could have negated the confusion and flash blindness and deafness that precipitated your aimless stroll._

Worry, he reprimanded himself, was pointless and exhausting. It was unwise to indulge it. _One step at a time._

Which pivoted his mind in a different direction.

Tilly’s questions about love and relationships had stirred painful memories. And regrets.

Thoughts of Talos IV made his ultra-confining shelter feel more cramped – if it that was possible. It felt harsh and dank. As if he were buried alive. Like he was again trapped underground and forced to respond to someone’s cruel whims.

He shivered. Those feelings were unsettling but easily pushed side now. His true regret, the worst part of the experience was leaving Vina behind. All alone. With only the austere Talosians and illusions for companionship. For friendship. He considered that a fate worse than death. How could an illusion truly substitute for reality when you knew it to be transient and ephemeral?

It was Vina’s choice to stay. Yet, he should have tried harder to convince her to leave with Enterprise. That her beauty and value were beyond appearance. That he would have been a friend as she built a new life.

And perhaps therein was the true reason she stayed. Friendship is lonely when only one of you wants more.

He had learned that at the Academy when his first love broke his heart. Time and experience taught him they were better as friends, that the romance would have ended quickly. He now regretted not holding onto the friendship.

He had learned while serving as second officer on the USS Aryabhatta that balancing a professional and private life on a starship is complicated. That on board romances require a delicate touch. And deliberate consistent nurturing. When one partner is also a senior officer the trade-offs are harder, the line you walk is finer. Few want to invest in a relationship where private time frequently evaporates in the blink of an eye. Fewer remain interested once experiencing they are rarely the urgent priority regardless of their importance in your life. Passion wasn’t enough to stem those challenges with his next love, but he held on, trying to smooth over the growing impatience and bitterness.

That was another regret. Rather than prolonging a relationship that was not working for her, one that was hurting her, he should have ended it kindly and gracefully. Instead it ended abruptly and angrily after his choices during an away mission. In the aftermath were accusations of betrayal. That he was cold and distant. That at some point her life had to mean more to him than others or he could not possibly love her. His responses were equally harsh. Both were deeply hurt. In that moment he finally accepted their temperaments and approach to life varied too much for reconciliation. It broke his heart.

Tilly was eager to find and experience romance, ready for that sublime connection where together two become so much more than the sum of the individuals. He sincerely hoped she found it soon, without too many bumps along the path.

Pike found it curious that in this silence his thoughts turned to lost love. _Should I try again?_

ooooo

**Discovery**

Twenty minutes feels like an eternity when plagued with fears and doubts. When your second-in-command is glancing repeatedly in your direction as if wanting to speak up. When the entire crew knows the choice and sacrifice required if the test jump proves successful.

The moment of truth was barreling towards him like an oncoming train. He motioned for Nhan to join him.

“Sir?” She asked, now standing beside his chair.

Saru kept his voice low and almost steady. “Commander, do you have … a back-channel protocol to contact Enterprise? If we can manage a short message with our damaged comms?”

She nodded and answered keeping her own voice quiet, “A series of pre-arranged codes. To communicate situation, location, and needed response. But …” she drifted off.

Saru gestured for her to continue.

Nhan exhaled. “Even though Commander Una could and would commandeer a ship, a fleet if that were needed, the distance is too great without a spore drive. It would take at least three weeks for the closest Federation ship, military or merchant, Starfleet or private, to arrive. Even if the initial supplies were intact, they would not last long enough.”

No longer able to contain his worry and misery, Saru slouched. His facial expression, his whole body vibrated defeat. He responded, his voice barely a whisper. “Please try, work with Bryce and the chief engineer.”

“Yes sir.” Nhan began walking towards the communications station when another idea bubbled up. Returning to Saru she smiled and said, “Commander Una has contacts with a number of … unique individuals. Perhaps a, well I’ll call it ‘non-federation’ to be diplomatic, vessel is closer …”

Even a sliver of hope is energizing. Saru straightened, “Thank you.”

“Commander Saru, Engineering and Stamets report ready to test the spore drive on your order.” Airaim announced.

With no logical reason to delay Saru responded. “Go.”

ooooo

**Quinzee**

Due to the progressing infection and the tiny hole the broken rib poked in the right lung, his breathing was labored, and Pike fought to stay awake. His will and ironclad disciple were ebbing. Cold and exhaustion were taking hold.

Slowly he drifted to sleep.

ooooo

**Discovery**

In the end the choice was stark but easy. In truth, there was no choice to make. Only action was required.

Airaim scanned her console and reported, “The spore drive test was successful.”

“Confidence the phenomenon is the third signal?” Saru asked.

“Unchanged. Seventy-five percent.” Owo answered.

Saru sighed. “Very well. Notify engineering to prepare for a jump. Sound black alert.”

“But …” Michael started.

Saru shook his head. With a sad look he responded. “No alternative. This mission, which may have lasting consequences for the Federation, is our priority.”

He glanced at Nhan. She nodded slightly. Perhaps a chance remained, however small, for the Captain and Tilly to survive.

There was no time, nor with damaged comms, no mechanism, to offer inspiring or comforting words to the crew.

When the moment came Saru hesitated and then ordered, “Jump.”


	19. Chapter 19

Tilly took a deep breath and then, talking very fast, asked “I need advice. From someone who actually knows something. Who’s been there. I think I am in love.”

Reno quirked an eyebrow as she sat beside Tilly and asked. “The Captain?”

Tilly blushed. She swept imaginary lint from her blanket. Fidgeted. Scuffed the heal of her boot against the cave floor. Anything to draw Reno’s attention away from her reddened cheeks which confirmed the truth.

“Nice try kid, but it’s obvious.”

“Really? That I have fallen in love with him?”

“What an odd expression that is – falling in love. Never understood it. You fall into traps, rivers, dark pits. Not really the same thing is it?”

Tilly shook her head half-heartedly surprised and curious at Reno’s response.

The engineer continued, “That you are attracted to him. Fascinated by him. Infatuated with him. Yes, I, and others, have noticed. That you are in love with him, well only you know that.”

“You’re very blunt,” Tilly remarked, grimacing. But the direct response dissipated her embarrassment as the Commander intended.

Reno chuckled and gestured back and forth between them, “Pot and kettle my dear.”

Tilly rolled her eyes. “Fair point.”

“Your attraction to the Captain is not surprising. There are quite a few dynamics between you. Superior/Subordinate, Teacher/Student, Mentor/Mentee. And the two most potent for a young woman – Kind, experienced older man and father figure. Plus you have the good sense to recognize a genuinely nice guy. I’ll forgo cataloging the obvious physical reasons you are attracted to him in order to spare your delicate sensibilities.” Reno said.

“Don’t forget that he saved my life and took care of me these past few days.”

“That dynamic is called rescue sex. Which is mind-blowing. Everyone should try it sometime or if possible, a few sometimes.”

“Huh?” Tilly stammered. _Maybe Reno is a little too spot on in the role of eccentric aunt._

Reno snorted. “Don’t deny that you have imagined sex with Captain in the past few days. Stranded on this planet, snowed in, alone in this cave, needing to stay warm, only each other for company, the giddy aftermath from a successful rescue? Dashing captain, young ensign. It practically writes itself as a Hallmark movie.”

Tilly’s cheeks glowed red. They could have written a song about it – Tilly the red-faced ensign.

“Hey, that’s a movie I’d watch. Which will remain our little secret. I have a reputation to protect.” Reno warned.

“You watch romantic movies?” Tilly asked, surprised.

“I like a good Hallmark move binge.” Reno looked sad and as if her thoughts were far away. “My …” her voice faltered, “my late wife adored them. We watched one on our first date.”

Tilly reached over and squeezed the engineer’s hand in sympathy. “I can’t imagine how you coped with your loss all alone for ten months.”

“When you lose the other half of yourself, you are all alone, even in a crowd.” Reno stated, her voice soft.

Tilly waited silently not wanting to push, not sure how to comfort.

A few minutes later Reno continued, “Here’s the thing about being in love. You don’t _think_ you’re in love. If it’s real you _know_ it. Without question. Without hesitation. Without looking for external validation. Whether it’s the first time you’ve been in love or the fiftieth.”

“Oh.” Tilly looked unsure, felt confused.

“But you’re not actually asking me if you are in love, you are asking me if you should pursue the relationship. Looking for my permission to pursue it. Which I cannot give.”

That felt like a punch in the gut. _So there is no hope of a future with the Captain._ Tilly thought to herself before asking, “Because you don’t approve?”

“Because it’s not my decision to make. It’s a private one, one for only you and the Captain.”

Tilly considered, creasing her brow as she thought about what Reno had said. “What about the age difference? Do you think that is a problem? Do you think it’s inappropriate? I get that it is our decision, but I truly want your opinion.”

Reno softened her expression and tone. “Every relationship has challenges. That would be one for you. There is no way to dress it up as insignificant. Is it inappropriate? No. But now we have changed topics from ‘are you in love’ to ‘will love thrive and grow’. Which, I assure you, are different.”

“Yes, yes. Everyone says that love doesn’t conquer all. I get it.”

“Again why do people use dark or fighting metaphors to describe love? It’s like we want or expect it to fail.” Reno shook her head in disbelief. “But no, you don’t get it. How to understand the difference between the two and ‘eat a sandwich before picking a fight with your partner’ are the best pieces of relationship advice you will ever get.”

“OK. So explain it to me.” Tilly countered.

“Whether your feelings are deep enough, true enough, important enough to you so you choose to love him day in and day out is another kettle of fish. There will be days where you don’t like each other yet must still cherish each other, care for one another. Confusing being in love with offering nurturing love leads to bruised feelings and a lot of heartbreak.”

“I’ve heard all that before.” Tilly said impatiently. “I understand relationships take work.”

“Ah, young and naïve. What a pretty place to be.” Reno retorted sarcastically. “If you made a list describing your ideal mate and the universe handed you a love who possessed every characteristic on that list, adjustments on your part are still needed for the relationship to work. Are you ready to do that?”

“Of course.”

“I think you missed my point. It’s OK if you aren’t.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You are just starting your career. Relationships tend to alter career paths.”

“I’m OK with that.” Tilly insisted, emphatic.

“Maybe you are today, but will you be in ten years?”

Tilly nodded.

“Let me paint a picture for you. Not a judgement but a realistic possibility. I said the decision to pursue a relationship was a private one between you and the Captain. Well, it will probably be the last shred of true privacy you have. Starships are like a small town where everyone knows everyone else. Crews are curious about one another. Gossip is mostly benign but prevalent. Especially about those that are just of reach. Are you ready for that?”

“I don’t care what people say.” 

“Good. Starships are physically small with little personal space. I have experience conducting a relationship in an area less than 300 square feet without interior walls. There are few places on board to truly be apart from each other. Are you ready for that?”

Tilly nodded again, but less confidently this time.

“You will play multiple roles in each other’s lives. That requires clear boundaries and patience. Your interactions with the crew will also require delicate boundaries. Some of the crew will treat you as slightly apart. Are you ready for that?”

Tilly felt doubt creeping in.

“There will be a power imbalance. Not one that the Captain would exploit, but it is inescapable. Human nature is human nature. Some people will look through you, past you, to him. Never notice you. He’s not just a captain, he’s _the_ Captain, well-known and commanding the flagship. He has inordinate demands on his time. Where will you fit in? There are protocols that kick in when he enters a room. Your career may get lost in the shuffle. You may get lost in the shuffle. I am confident the Captain believes he can prevent that and I know he would try. But ... I'm not sure it is possible. Are you ready for that?

Tilly stopped making eye contact with Reno. Her shoulders slumped.

Reno sighed. “All relationships have unique challenges. For us, it was our vastly contrasting cultures, that we were separate species. Our very biology caused differences that required hard, long work to understand and accommodate. There were times I wished I hadn’t pursued the relationship. That I left our love for one another shiny and new. Always full of promise. Not because she died. Because we came close to ruining that love trying to live together. I don’t want to dissuade you; I want you to have your best chance for a happy ending. And I believe that is knowledge and realistic expectations.”

“I have a lot to think about.” Tilly responded in a small voice.

“Look kid, I like you. You have so much love to give and you give it willingly and without strings or expectation. That’s rare in this universe and I don’t want you to change. I also admire the Captain.” Reno flashed a rare tender smile. “This is my advice. Be open to love. When you are certain you have found it don’t let anyone talk you out of it. Choose wisely. Be pragmatic about what commitment and ‘happily ever after’ mean. Most importantly, and I say this from experience, the sacrifice and hard work are worth it.”

Tilly found Reno’s candor in this conversation uncomfortable. She’s didn’t paint a picture of sunshine and roses. But behind that bluntness was a warmth and empathy missing from advice dispensed by her mother. Tilly returned the smile with a genuinely happy one. “Thank you,” she said simply.

Reno grinned. “Of course all of this is just my humble opinion, which is absolutely 100% correct by the way.

The engineer left Tilly’s side to check the weather. Returning she said, “The snow has stopped. Wake the others. It’s time to find our intrepid, and apparently much desired, Captain. We leave at first light.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Three Weeks Ago**

**Enterprise**

Una terminated the transmission, slapping the control panel with more force than necessary. The skeleton crew manning the makeshift repair command-information-center traded knowing furtive glances, each speculating when the cold standoff simmering but gradually escalating over the past month between Number One and Chief Engineering Louvier would boil over. She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. Captain Pike made it look easy. _No_ , she thought, _that’s not quite right, for him it appears effortless._

Jumping to her feet Una barked, “Amin take over.” She left without waiting for an acknowledgement.

Phil Boyce watched the Enterprise XO as she strode into Sickbay, her pace fast, her step close to a march, her ramrod straight back telegraphing frustration bordering on anger.

“Headache.” Una announced in a clipped tone. “I need something for this headache.” When the doctor pulled out his scanner, she glared at him and tapped her foot impatiently while mumbling in a language he didn’t recognize. Based on the emphatic pronunciation he assumed she was invoking patience from the gods or questioning the legitimacy of his lineage.

“I’ve given you the diagnosis already,” she added pointing to the medical device, “there is no need for a second opinion.”

Phil smiled benignly as he flipped open the scanner and explained using a measured, reasonable tone of voice, which infuriated her more rather than soothed, “There are different types of headaches, each with their own treatment. Headaches have various triggers.”

“Then give me the remedy for the one caused by Chief Engineers who have a pliable relationship with time.”

“I see.” Phil closed the scanner. Without Chris as a buffer, the XO turned acting Captain and Louvier were close to open warfare. _Well, not open warfare_ , he thought, _at least not on both sides._ The Chief Engineer typically responded to Una’s belligerence with passive aggression.

Both were the best of the best. Both had directly saved the ship and crew more than once. In a crisis they worked together seamlessly, often anticipating the other’s requests and regularly finishing each other’s sentences. Absent a crisis their diametrically opposed styles collide. They are like yin and yang – if yin and yang poked each other’s boundaries with spears.

The CMO motioned for Una to follow him into the office and once seated patted the opposite chair in an invitation to sit. She huffed and reluctantly accepted. “How long will the lecture be? I have a lot to do.”

“No lecture.”

Her raised eyebrow communicated skepticism more effectively than words.

_This is Chris’ genius,_ Phil thought, _unifying a crew into so much more than the sum of the individuals._ “Una, you need a break.”

“What I need is a chief in engineering who understands schedules and deadlines.” _Chris is facing who knows what without me. Enterprise needs to get out of space dock and back into the fight._

“We have time Una.”

“Do we? What if the signals are hostile? Chris needs his crew. The one that knows him best. The one that can anticipate his orders. Which could be the difference between life and death.”

Phil thought of Louvier’s words from last night when the two men met for dinner and shared a couple bottles of wine _. What if the signals are hostile? Chris needs Enterprise at her best, not hurriedly repaired according to a subjective and artificial schedule. Which could be the difference between life and death._

“I can’t speak to schedules and deadlines. The ship needs to be space worthy as soon as possible and Louvier needs to understand why the failure occurred and prevent it from happening again. Only the two of you can balance those conflicting requirements.” Una started to speak but Phil held up a hand and continued, “What I do know is Enterprise and Chris need both of you in top form. Louvier’s … wait how did you put it yesterday … ah yes, fluid approach …”

Una couldn’t stay silent any longer. “Two-hour lunches? Rearranging priorities? Four-course dinners?”

“You whack a bag in the gym, Louvier likes a relaxing meal and a, or rather a few, good bottles of wine. Different folks, different stokes.”

“You pop culture references are maddening at times.”

He chuckled. “And I thought they made me folksy. The point is Louvier is balancing the punishing work with relaxation.” He pointed at her. “You not so much. When is the last time you punched something?” Phil grinned, “Or someone?”

ooooo

**Present**

**Discovery**

The jump was successful. They were stranded. The combination of the length of the jump and a glitch in the repaired spore drive injured their navigator and damaged his interface. Dr. Pollard did not yet know if Commander Stamets would pull through. Of the three people on board most experienced with the spore drive and its interfaces, one was critical in Sickbay and one was stranded on a planet thousands of light years away.

_And we may have abandoned Captain Pike and Tilly over … nothing,_ Nhan thought as she sat in the mess hall, nursing a cup of coffee and trying to force down a few bites of dinner. Despite several hours of analysis, it was still unknown if the phenomenon Discovery’s damaged sensors picked up was the third signal or simply mimicking it.

Saru had retreated to the ready room, shaken and unsure. That concerned her. She wanted to find him and offer comfort, but the needed phrases alluded her. _Captain Pike makes it look easy, effortless, finding the right words to reassure and inspire without drifting into the cliché or the trite; words that were steadying and measured without sounding overly rosy and optimistic. Perhaps that comes from too much practice,_ she thought grimly.

They weren’t able to contact Enterprise directly as Saru ordered, even with a brief squirt on a low frequency which required little sophistication and power. Discovery’s communications systems were ravaged and now they were also too far from a Federation relay beacon.

That had left her only one option. She threw a Hail Mary pass right before the jump. Using a set of protocols developed by the Enterprise’s XO and Chief of Security. A way to send an SOS when standard communications were down or compromised without revealing to an enemy the flagship’s captain was vulnerable. _I doubt Captain Pike is even aware of them._

_Una, check your email messages,_ Nhan implored.

**Quinzee**

Pike judged by the pricks of brighter light peeking through the shelter’s tiny vent holes dawn was breaking. His internal clock estimated he slept two hours. _I was lucky to wake up_ , he thought. The shelter, which was designed to provide warmth by trapping body heat now felt frigid. _That can’t be good._

With the wind no longer howling, he decided the storm may have abated. Or at least there was a lull. _Time for a reality check._

The snow was deep and drifted requiring him to burrow out from the quinzee and then up.

The reality that greeted was harsh. His sight could differentiate dark, grey, soft light and brighter light. Discern a few large blurry shapes. That was all. Due to the storm, the area was cloaked in bright white which pained his eyes. He breathed deeply and hugged his chest to contain the panic.

Falling back on survival training he rejected the anxiety and objectified his predicament.

Alright class, what is the first step?

_Determine injuries. Little sight. Suspected hypothermia. Deep cough. Raspy, labored breath. Broken ribs. Possible tension pneumothorax. Burns on hands, face, any surface not covered by a uniform. Concussion?_

Next step – do you have adequate shelter?

_No._

Can you find shelter?

The internal voice of his instructor was staring to annoy. _Hell no, I can’t see._

Find a way.

_There is something I need to remember. Think … Cliffs. Tilly fell from a dangerous passage near cliffs._

He dropped to all fours. _Don’t walk without a way to test the ground._

_Tree. I lined the shelter with something that felt like pine branches. A tree must be nearby._ Carefully testing the ground then crawling a step, holding out his arms to feel, then testing again, Pike moved in a circle while still keeping the quinzee within reach. After five cycles he felt a scratchy solid. He rubbed a hand over it and sniffed. _Bark._

Using the tree for balance he stood and continued examining with his fingertips, reaching higher and higher. _Need a branch, thick enough to serve as a probe and walking stick, light enough for my pocketknife to saw through it._ The effort required for finding a suitable one, cutting it down, stripping and shaping it for use left him badly short of breath. He leaned against the tree until he caught and normalized his breathing.

The action steadied him and further calmed the panic, making way for a new priority. _Find your crew. They may need help. First back to the shuttle then to the cave and Tilly._

He walked through the events he could remember. Shuttle. Crew passed out. Leaking fuel. Bright light, loud noise. Confusion. Leading to here.

_Where is here? Ok Chris, narrow it down. An explosion. Disorientation. Wandering. How far? No way to know._

_What direction?_

His instructor’s voice sounded again. “Always take the path of least resistance.”

Away from the wind. Which way was the wind blowing last night?

He felt around the shelter he had constructed, locating the entrance. Then turned and began slowing and carefully walking in the opposite direction, attempting to walk in a straight line, testing the firmness of the ground and feeling for obstacles in his path with the walking stick before each step.

**Cave**

“Let’s review through this again.” Reno said to the group. “Tilly, you will stay here, in the cave.”

“No,” the ensign responded feeling annoyed that she would, once again, be left behind. “I want to come. I need to be helpful.”

Bonnie shook her head, “The snow is deep and slick, your injuries new and fragile. It’s not medically advisable.”

“If the Captain returns and finds this cave empty, we are back to where we started. He will go back out in order to search for us. You _are_ being helpful by staying here.” Reno replied in a tone that dissuaded argument.

“We hike back to the site where the shuttle crashed.” Detmer continued.

“Right. With no other clues, we start at the last place he was known to be.” Reno added.

“OK, I object here.” Bonnie spoke up. “If the Captain is injured, he may need immediate medical care. I should be searching with you rather than remaining at the crash site.”

Detmer shook her head. “Without the ability to communicate with one another we need a central control point. That’s you.”

Reno nodded. “Detmer and I are the best trackers. Same principle as with Tilly remaining here. If he is able, I think the Captain will return to the shuttle before coming to the cave.”

“Why that assumption?” Tilly asked.

“We have to start somewhere.” Detmer answered.

“He may believe Detmer, Reno and I are still nearby and in need of assistance.” Bonnie answered.

“To see if any supplies can be salvaged.” Reno answered. “Bonnie, you stay at the shuttle site because someone needs to be there to intercept him and pass messages to Detmer and I. If he needs medical attention, we have enough training to stabilize him.”

Detmer drew a set of circles in the dirt on the floor of the cave with a stick. “Reno and I will execute a series of concentric, ever widening search patterns away from the shuttle.”

“Away from the woods?” Bonnie asked.

Reno nodded. “The explosion was in the direction opposite the woods. We are assuming that was his most likely path.”

“If he was near the explosion, the Captain may have been disoriented and wandered off without a plan.” Bonnie cautioned.

Tilly looked worried and dejected. “That’s a lot of ifs. It’s like a house of cards.”

Reno decided there was little comfort she could offer. “Yes, it’s flimsy, but better than the alternative – searching for a needle among thousands of haystacks. With the assumptions we picked a haystack. Any questions? No? Then let’s get started.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Unknown Location**

The three suns reached their zenith at midday. Their combined bright light increased the pain in his eyes and Pike blinked trying to clear the platinum spots swimming in his vision. With the bright light, the snowy white landscape and almost total blindness, discerning landmarks proved impossible.

He tests half a meter in front of him with the walking stick. The ground feels solid. Repeats the test on the left and then the right. Satisfied he was still on solid ground Pike takes a step. Tests again. Steps again. Repeat. Repeat.

The bottle of water saved him from dire consequences, but dehydration, and its resulting confusion and sluggishness is still a problem. Twice he stops himself from moving without testing the ground in every direction.

He repeats the sequence in his head, like a chorus. _Check front. Ok. Test left. OK. Test right. Wait, something is different._ He reaches down and explores with his hand. _Hard._ He brushes the snow off. _Higher than ground level. A rock? With a level top. Large enough to sit on._

Moving closer he tests around it. Solid ground. _A place to rest._

Instinct warns Pike he is walking in a circle. _Logical, with each test I likely move to the right an inch or two._ He decides to reverse the left/right series every two steps.

He leans his face upward into the sunlight, basking in the weak warmth. While not above freezing, it’s no longer dangerously frigid. _For the moment. Night will be different._

With the chorus no longer playing in his head on repeat, doubts creep in. _This is … is not possible. I can’t find my way. Not without instruments, a map, or for heaven’s sake, eyesight. I will wander, lost, until fatigue sets in and once, just once, I forget to test and step into an icy river or tumble over a cliff._

He allows despair free rein. Plays the video to a defeated ending, exploring several permutations.

For twenty minutes.

It’s a useful technique. Experience the fear. Move on. Reexamine the plan. Look for poor decisions. Challenge assumptions.

_I need shelter before the temperature plunges. The bright sunlight is degrading the little vision I have. Think… … … … Travel at twilight? Hmmm … … … Less light, more shadows. Maybe I could differentiate shapes in that type of light? Need to find shelter … … … Walking at night might generate enough body heat to prevent further hypothermia._

New plan formed, he settles on the rock, willing sleep, intending to rest until evening.

**Shuttle Crash Site**

Bonnie hands Reno a hot cup of coffee when she enters camp after her last search circuit. Detmer sits in the corner of the tent nursing her own, trying to warm up.

“Walking might keep you warm, but it doesn’t help icy feet and hands.” Discovery’s helmsman muttered holding her hand over the steam rising from her cup.

Reno tiredly gestures. “Good thinking, by the way. Erecting the tent. Thanks Bonnie.”

Their day of searching yielded nothing. No trail, no clues. No Captain.

Arriving at the crash site that morning they were stunned. Last night, relieved to be safely on the ground and in a hurry to reach shelter before the storm worsened, they had paid little attention to the shuttle. It was a burnt shell. With a gaping hole where the fuel exploded. The rest of the shuttle frame, as it was designed to, absorbed the blast and contained the fire, protecting them. Bonnie had voiced what they were all thinking, “If the Captain hadn’t moved us to the opposite side …” Detmer had quietly added, “If the Captain was near the fuel tank … do you think he survived?”

“The light is fading; do we search as long as possible and stay here tonight?” Detmer asks.

Reno nods. “Bonnie, were you able to salvage anything from the shuttle?”

“No. But the Captain got the bulk of the supplies out before …” Her voice falters.

“What’s a little explosion to a man who, in the little time we’ve known him, survived freefalling to an asteroid in a damaged exosuit _and_ jumping on an overloading phaser?” Reno raised an eyebrow for effect as she spoke.

It took a few minutes, but the joke hit its mark. Bonnie stifles a nervous giggle and says, “A minor inconvenience?”

Detmer chimes in, “Another routine day at the office?”

Reno tsks. “The man, _excuse me_ , the Captain, is certifiably insane at times. How have the Enterprise senior officers managed not to go completely grey? He must have a team of guardian angels. All in need of a long vacation.”

Bonnie and Detmer both smile. _Presumably at the image of guardian angels lining up for therapy._ Reno thought. _Mission accomplished._ Finishing her coffee in one gulp, she stands and says, “There’s time for one more search before dark. Let’s get to it.”

**Spaceship Vayu**

Una rolled onto her side and languidly stretched, first each arm, then each leg, curving her back and reaching out, pushing each limb as far as it would go. Like a cat unfolding after a long nap. But then she had purred several times the night before … and again this morning.

She could envision the satisfied look in Boyce’s eye, a knowing look that he was right. _Not that I will ever admit it to his face._

After pushing back on the CMO’s advice and practically daring him to make R&R an order, after reprimanding an engineering technician for an unavoidable repair delay, after angrily challenging Admiral Cornwell, she turned the Enterprise over to Louvier’s care, the onboard crew over to Amin’s, and took leave.

Una propped up on an elbow, not caring that the sheet fell away. She gently stroked her companion’s face and leaned in for a deep kiss. “I like the beard. It adds a whole new dimension to your sexual repertoire. And your rakish reputation.”

“Goatee, not beard.” Hiten corrected her. “And only you have my heart. The others …” he grinned, “… well, you are away a lot.”

Una snorted, “You would classify a week as a lot.”

He opened his arms and she settled into them, head on his chest, running her fingers lightly across his abdomen. He sighed and clasped her hand, twining his fingers with hers. “Ah, my Sundar, I have missed you.”

She adored his pet name for her – my beautiful. “I’m certain you have been too busy getting into trouble to miss me.” 

“I’m on the side of the angels … well most of the time.” Hiten replied with faux outrage and a smirk.

“Un-huh,” Una said skeptically. “By the way, how is your XO, Maleficent Lucifera?”

The Vayu stuck to the outer rim of Federation space where Starfleet was largely absent. It ferried passengers, tracked down bail jumpers, ran freight, some of it even legitimate, and periodically liberated and redistributed cargo. It’s first officer was from a non-aligned world named Al-Tinnin inhabited by a race of bipedal dragons. Her father, who once served as an emissary to the Federation, was fascinated with Earth’s fairy tales and religions.

“Malie’s still breathing fire, even more than usual. She has four eggs this season. You have no idea how many things a dragon toddler can singe in a day.”

Una laughed. “You have unique command challenges.”

“I should check-in with the folks upstairs.” He said reluctantly, disinclined to let the outside world intrude.

While he called the bridge, Una reviewed her personal messages. Scrolling through the long list, one subject line immediately caught her attention. She jumped out of bed. “I need to borrow your ship.”

**Away from the Cave**

Tilly, despite her orders, spent the day searching near the cave. She had slipped and fallen on her backside numerous times. It damaged her pride but other than feeling sore she didn’t notice any aggravation of her existing injuries.

She tried to stay put, but the thought of the Captain being close and still missing the cave haunted her. After fashioning a brief note using the firewood – OK Don’t Leave – she left.

Twilight was wanning into night. On this moonless world, she now needs one of the chemical light sticks to see more than four yards ahead. _I should go back_ , Tilly thought.

She couldn’t make herself turn back. Something tugged at her. Like she held a thread and there was resistance at the other end. In her mind’s eye the thread was fraying. As each small fiber snapped her pace quickened.

Focused and hurried (as hurried as one can be with a broken leg and a makeshift crutch) she lost track of time and distance. The surroundings started to look familiar as she neared the original beam down site.

_There_ , she thought, _what … a quarter mile … there is … something._ She stopped and held the light stick up to get a better view.

Now illuminated, the something morphed into a recognizable figure who was looking in her direction. Tilly breathed a sigh of relief and waved to him enthusiastically. There was no response. She waved again. And again.

_It’s like he doesn’t know I’m here. How can that be?_

The Captain is standing at the edge of a frozen pond.

Tilly muffles a squeal as understanding dawns. _He can’t see me,_ and _he doesn’t know he’s only inches from the ice._

The moving bright blue light disorients Pike’s faint vision. He leans towards it. Towards the pond on his left.

Due to the intense light from three suns, the frozen water near the bank is thin, almost slushy, and likely to break with the slightest weight. _And he’ll disappear under the ice before I can get him out. Would he drown or freeze first? Not the time! Calm down and think. If I startle him, he might move too quickly, lose his balance and fall._

She calls to him softly, using a conversational tone, impressed with herself that she managed to keep from sounding panicked. “Captain.”

Pike starts to take step, without testing to the left. Tilly stifles a scream and holds her breath.

Hearing the familiar voice, one he trusts, Pike pauses.

“Please don’t move sir.” Tilly says calmly. “I’m coming to you.”

He gingerly puts his foot down in its original location. Once beside her Captain, Tilly resists the urge to hug him fiercely which would tumble both of them onto the ice and into the frigid water.

She gives in to the urge after guiding him away from the pond to safety, throwing her arms around his waist. Spontaneously she reaches up, standing on tiptoes and kisses his cheek.

_Oh hell, Tilly, what did you just do?_ She thinks.


	22. Chapter 22

_I kissed the Captain! Yes, like a schoolgirl thanking a favored uncle, but still! I kissed him – and I liked it. A lot. I should go for it, right here, right now, under the moonlit sky, surrounded by the snow, I should go for it. Confess everything. Tell him how much I love him. And kiss him for real, deeply, passionately, oh, and then, and then he will … he will …_

“… Ensign?”

Tilly tuned out her internal voice and listened to her commanding officer. “… Sir?”

“Are you OK?”

“Yes sir.”

“What about Detmer, Reno, and O’Malley? I found them unconscious in the shuttle. Are they safe? Are they well?”

_Why isn’t he looking at me? It’s odd._ “Yes, to both. They found the cave and me before the storm hit.” Pike breathed a sigh of relief, letting go of his worry while Tilly continued, “They went back to the crash site this morning to search for you.”

“What just … why did you stop me from taking that step?”

“You were about to …” Tilly’s voice faltered as her adrenaline spike dissipated and the reality and ramifications of what almost came about caught up with her, leaving her weary, tense and frightened.

Pike turned in the direction of her voice, “Go on.”

She waved a hand in front of his face. _Oh my god, he still can’t see me!_ “You were about to … to … step on a frozen pond. Where the ice was no longer solid enough to hold much weight.” She didn’t miss the Captain’s brief involuntary shudder. Which was his only outward manifestation of any distress. Otherwise he was her unperturbable leader, gathering status information and keeping her focused with his methodical questioning.

Feeling her hand tighten around his arm he said in an offhand manner, “Well, that could have ended badly.”

Her grip strengthened. “Badly? Seriously? This is your response? Like it might have been a minor inconvenience? Men are exasperating. Especially you. Of all the pig-headed, stubborn, wait that’s redundant, of all the stubborn … what word am I looking for … unreasonable? … no … oh.” She caught his faint smile. “You were joking.”

“Apparently not very well.” Pike responded dryly. But her grip on his arm had relaxed after the outburst drained her remaining tension. _Either way, amused or annoyed,_ he thought, _task accomplished._ “Where are we?”

“I estimate halfway between the cave and our original beam down site. I found the rope you used to mark the trail. Good thinking by the way.”

“I try.” Pike’s voice turned stern, “You disobeyed my orders.” Then his tone softened, he clasped her hand and noted how cold it felt, “and most likely saved my life. Thank you.”

“I couldn’t … Reno told me to wait at the cave in case you came there first. But … I couldn’t do nothing. Not when you might need help. I believed that … I sensed … that you needed me.” Tilly blushed as she spoke the last sentence.

“Then your conviction served us both well. Take note of how you felt then, that will help you learn how to distinguish between intuition that should be followed and wishful thinking that should not. Which is a vital skill for a commander.” Pike gently instructed.

Tilly nodded out of habit and then remembered her suspicion. “Yes sir. Can you see?”

Pike was careful to keep his tone calm. He rubbed his eyes. “Very little. If the light is low, I can distinguish dark shapes. When the light is bright it’s blinding.”

“How? I mean, what happened? When were your eyes injured?”

“My guess is I was too close to the flashpoint when the fuel from the shuttle exploded. If that proves to be the cause, the loss of sight will be temporary.” _Though if it is truly flash blindness, I should have noticed some improvement by now rather than it getting worse,_ he thought and then pushed that concern aside. _A problem for later, first things first._

Tilly leaned towards Pike and took a good, long look. “Your face and hands are burned. Oh, you are lucky the fire didn’t singe off your eyebrows. That would be awful.” The drop in adrenaline also lowered her body temperature and Tilly couldn’t keep from shivering and nor control it. Pike felt her hand shake.

“May I? Pike asked. After she stammered yes, he hugged her close, her face pressed against his chest, sharing his body heat. He rubbed her arms and legs, carefully due to her injuries, stimulating their circulation. Gradually her trembling lessened and then ceased. “Let me check your broken leg before we start for the cave. Sorry, this will feel a little personal since I can’t examine it visually.

His fingers gently probed, starting at her ankle and moving up. As they reached her thigh and continued climbing, she held her breath, willing herself not to react to his touch. _Unlikely_ , she thought, reciting the laws of motion as a distraction. Which didn’t help. She sighed. _There are some things even Sir Isaac Newton’s brilliance can’t override._

“Tilly?”

“Huh?”

“Did I hurt you?”

“Not exactly,” was the distracted reply.

“OK. Well, your leg is starting to swell from overuse and I need to realign the bone before you walk on it again.” He removed his uniform jacket and handed it to her. “There is a knife in my right leg pocket. Cut this into four large strips.”

She shoved the jacket back into his hands. “No sir. You need that, its too cold. You’ll freeze.”

He pushed it back. “Not between here and the cave. Based on your description we are only three or four kilometers away. Your leg, however, may suffer permanent damage if I don’t restabilize it.”

She huffed loudly to communicate her displeasure and to ensure her back end of a horse of a Captain understood that she was only agreeing in order to expediate their return to the cave. And that she thought he was being a mother hen. Tilly could convey a lot in one syllable.

Timidly she reached for the sideways pocket, her hand lingering a bit longer than necessary as she opened the zipper and felt for the pocketknife. _Yep, those leg muscles are as solid as a rock, I knew they would be, after he does run every day. And Michael thinks my newfound interesting in practicing for the command training half-marathon is about bettering my time. She’s more naïve than I am at times. It’s so worth getting up at the ass crack of dawn to …_

“Tilly?”

She quickly withdrew her hand, not bothering to close the zipper. “Yes, sir. I found it.”

Pike carefully unwrapped and removed the current makeshift splints. “This is going to hurt a bit,” he warned as he quickly jerked the bone into place.

Tilly groaned and squeezed his arm hard with both hands. _That’s going to be an interesting bruise to explain when we get back to the ship._ She looked down. “You’re going to use the crutch as a new splint?”

“You can lean on me. Now, I need your help to bind the crutch to your leg. You guide my hands and then help me tie the knots. First, upper thigh.”

She took his hands and moved them to the spot. He held the crutch to her leg while she wrapped one of the strips from his uniform jacket around both and cinched it. Once Pike was satisfied the binding was tight enough to keep the limb straight and immobile yet loose enough for healthy circulation, they repeated the process three times.

After giving Tilly a few minutes to recover from their ministrations, Pike helped her stand, putting his arm around her shoulder and her arm around his waist. “Ready?”

She nodded. _Damn, I keep forgetting he can’t see that._ “Yes, sir.”

Slowly and carefully they walked to the cave, Tilly guiding their path around and away from obstacles, Pike physically supporting her. But trudging through deep snow continued taking its toll and by the last kilometer, Tilly couldn’t bear any weight on her broken leg. She tried to push through it but stumbled and fell, rolling down a small hill and raking her arm across a sharp rock, shredding her sleeve and scraping the skin.

“Call out to me, so I can use your voice to find you.” Pike instructed.

“Over here.” She touched her injured arm. “Oh f… I mean crap.”

“Again.”

“I don’t know what to say. Watch, it’s a slight downward incline. Funny how when I need to talk I can’t …”

He sunk down beside her and checked her leg and the splint. “Are you alright?”

“Yes. Just a scrape.”

“It’s not much farther. Put your arms around my neck.” He ordered.

Too tired to argue, she complied. Pike placed an arm under her knees and using his other for leverage, stood, cradling the ensign in his arms. They resumed the trek to the cave as she called out directions to him. With her arm now bare and exposed to the cold, the warmth from the back of the Captain’s neck was welcome.

_Wait. That’s too warm. His skin shouldn’t feel that hot._


	23. Chapter 23

When they reached the cave entrance, Pike said, “Guide us to a spot near the fire, you need to warm up.” Once satisfied Tilly was comfortably settled and the swelling of her broken leg was no worse, he elevated it and ordered, “Stay put.”

The swelling concerned him. _If it doesn’t go down soon, I’ll need to ice it._ “When are the others due back?”

“Once they found you or when they completed the search pattern, whichever came first.”

“Were they prepared to camp at the search site?”

Tilly nodded and then remembered to use her words, “Yes.”

“Alright, we assume they will not be back until tomorrow. Let’s get setup for the night. You have to be my eyes. Where is the hypothermia medical kit? It’s the backpack with the blue stripe.”

“To the left, against the wall. About twenty-five steps.”

He held up a bag.

“Yes, that’s it.”

“Now the square medical kit with the yellow stripe.”

“To your right, five steps.”

After walking the required distance Pike reached down and felt nothing.

“Sorry, your other right.” Tilly corrected sounding sheepish.

He held up two bags.

“The one in your left hand.”

“Alright, now back to you,” he said turning in the direction of her voice.

“Twenty steps back. Wait … you’re drifting to the left and getting near the cave wall, come to your right a few steps.”

Reaching her side, Pike handed over both medical kits. “Find the warming blankets in the hypothermia pack and cover up. Then look for the instant coffee in the other bag. Now direct me to the water.”

“Right, thirty steps, near the cave entrance.” Tilly replied absentmindedly as she dug through the backpack. Looking up she shouted, “No stop, you are about to …”

Pike tripped over a rolled sleeping bag and fell. He curled his body trying to minimize the impact but hit the ground hard jarring his shoulder, yelping before he could suppress it.

“Sorry.” Tilly hastily apologized, “I … I forgot to watch.”

“It’s alright Ensign,” Pike responded through clenched teeth as waves of pain rolled through his shoulder and side. Once it subsided into a dull ache he got to his feet and continued in his normal calm tone of voice, “We’re both new at this.”

“OK, three steps to the left will take you around the sleeping bag and give you a clear path.”

Water located and back by the fire without further incident, Pike dropped to sit by Tilly. After taking a deep breath he slowly released it, pushing out the stress from the prior thirty odd hours. _Has it truly only been a day and a half since I found the wrecked shuttle?_ He felt light-headed and his heart was beating faster than normal. _Survival euphoria is setting in_ , he thought. _My crew is safe. I survived the night despite the long odds. And Discovery should be here soon, the geometric storm must have dissipated by now, even our most conservative projections predicted it was a short-term phenomenon. Just a few more things to see to and then I can sleep._

“Look through the yellow striped kit for the generic vaccine syringe and the broad-spectrum antibiotic pills.” He paused, coughing deeply. “I caught a minor bug. Which means we are all susceptible. Have you ever given a shot with an old-fashioned needle?

“No.”

“The doses are premeasured, but you still must look for air bubbles,” he instructed.

“None.”

“It goes in your hip by the way, lower hip, on the side.”

Tilly gulped as she tried to administer her injection. “I’m not good with needles.”

“Do you want my help?”

“Please.”

“Guide my hand to the right spot.” Once there, Pike quickly jabbed the needle in and pushed down the plunger.

She started to help the Captain unzip his pants.

“Ah … I can manage this part on my own, thanks.”

“Right, sorry. Of course you can find your own …”

“It’s probably best if you don’t finish that sentence.”

“No sir? I mean, yes, sir.” Tilly busied herself checking for air bubbles to counter her mortification and then handed him the other syringe. “It’s ready.”

Noticing Pike was too close to his pelvic bone, she leaned over him in order to correct the problem, one hand brushing and then lingering on his abs.

“Ensign?”

“What?” Was the distracted reply. Realizing her touch was bordering on the intimate, she quickly moved her hand from his abdomen and corrected the needle’s entry point, thankful he couldn’t see her blush.

“You need something for that fever too.” Tilly said forcefully.

Pike placed the back of his hand against his cheek, his forehead and then behind his neck. “Yeah, I might have a slightly elevated temperature.”

Tilly rolled her eyes at his use of ‘slightly’. _Mental note – don’t roll your eyes at your commanding officer once his sight is back._ “Uh-uh, we’ll pretend its low-grade if that means the Captain will take his medicine.”

His left eyebrow rose, “You sound like a CMO or an XO.”

“I’ve been practicing while I patiently waited for you to return from your little walkabout.” Tilly fired back with a grin. Her comment elicited a snort from her commander.

“Do you need any pain meds?” He asked.

She started to shake her head. _Use your words._ “No. You?”

“Yes.”

His answer astounded her. _I should be filming this_ , Tilly thought. “Really?”

“Really,” he said with a nod.

Tilly hesitated, worry overriding her surprise and amusement. _If the Captain is admitting to pain, pain bad enough for meds, his injuries must be worse than I imagined and definitely beyond my skill to treat. I wish Bonnie were here._

“Just the mild one, to take the edge off.” Pike gently prodded.

“Oh, sorry, I’m …”

“Ensign, while I have a high tolerance for pain, it’s foolish to endure it unless the situation requires that.” He flashed a dimpled grin. “Or unless I am trying to escape the clutches of my CMO.” He knew the humor had alleviated Tilly’s concern when she exhaled and then laughed nervously.

“Yes sir,” she said as she located the requested pills.

He handed Tilly two cups. “Fill these with water and I’ll heat them over the fire. Our reward will be coffee. At this point even instant coffee will taste like a fine blend.”

“Damn!” Pike exclaimed as he jerked his hand back from the fire, dropping one of the cups and spilling the water. Tilly looked up anxiously to see him rubbing a deep, red burn. “I let my hand get too close,” he explained ruefully.

“Oh, I should have been watching.” Tilly murmured as she carefully placed her cup on the ground and gingerly took his hand in hers. “Let me take a look.”

“Not your fault, the warmth of the fire felt good. I got too close when I let my guard down.”

“You should put an antiseptic on it. On all your burns actually.”

Pike nodded. “After coffee.” Feeling around the ground he retrieved the cup and held it out for more water.

They sat on the floor of the cave, side by side, near the fire, sipping the coffee. Pike smiled as he inhaled the aroma. “Being without coffee these past few days has been a true hardship.”

“Dr. Pollard says you drink too much coffee.” Tilly remarked with a hint of sass in her tone of voice.

“Discovery’s CMO’s impression of my mother is uncanny.” Pike muttered drily to himself before replying, “Everyone needs a few vices. One of mine is coffee.”

Tilly giggled at the image of Tracy Pollard towering over a small Pike in full Captain’s braid, glaring down and shaking her finger at him. “And what are the others?”

He sighed contentedly after taking another drink. “Ask me when we’re playing twenty questions. If you choose your moment well, I may answer.”

Her heart leapt at his permission to continue the game when they got back to the ship. And at her growing optimism they would all return to the ship in one piece. _It is almost over_ , she thought. Which led to another worry.

“Captain?”

“Yes?”

“I said …” she started and then stopped thinking, _and did,_ before continuing haltingly and uneasily, “some things earlier, at the pond … that … that I am not proud of.”

“I see. Well, that situation is covered by the special circumstances clause for away missions.”

“Special circumstances clause? I don’t remember reading about that in the regulations.”

“Captain’s discretion. What happens on a remote planet by a half-frozen pond as night falls when a junior officer saves her commander from an icy death, stays on that remote planet.”

“Oh. I’m so relieved. You can’t see the huge smile on my face right now but it’s there.” She correctly interpreted that his response referred not only to her angry tirade but also the impulsive kiss. “How did you survive the night in the snowstorm? Out in the open? The temperature dropped below zero.”

“I used the snow to build a shelter.”

Tilly tilted her head back, incredulous. “Blind, lost and out in the wind, with no tools, you built a shelter?”

“Built is not really the right word, more like fashioned. And I did have tools, well one, I had a pocketknife. So I was able to line the structure with branches to make it drier and warmer. From your skeptical tone I assume you never learned how to build a quinzee in survival training?”

“I don’t even know what that is.”

“It’s like the bottom layer of a snowman, hollowed out and with an entrance and tiny air holes.”

“Uh, no, but I missed some things due to the war.”

Pike made a mental note to talk to the Academy commandant about deficiencies in the curriculum. _Still better, I’ll ask Number One to attend to the problem._ The thought of his tenacious second in command overhauling the entire survival training program before anyone could get in a dissenting opinion amused him.

“I need to sleep. Wake me if the swelling in your leg worsens, or if you need anything.” Settling into the sleeping bag, which felt like a luxury mattress after the cold hard ground, he was asleep in five minutes.

When the Captain’s injured rib broke two days ago as he stacked wood, it bruised the lung, irritating the pleura which provides a protective barrier between the lung and its chest wall. The pleura blistered, trapping air in those pockets as Pike inhaled and exhaled.

At the same time, a tiny rib bone sliver, like a sewing pin, pricked a microscopic hole in the damaged lung allowing air to escape into the chest cavity. The stream of air was small and insignificant and would have healed without intervention or side effects.

But his continued exertion widened the opening, permitting more air to escape into his chest cavity. Again, the danger was minimal, the need for intervention unlikely, and the side effects were minor, like being winded after strenuous activity. The fall over the sleeping bag broke another damaged rib punching a second, larger hole. The blisters on the pleura burst releasing still more air. By midnight, the lung collapsed due to the surrounding pressure.

Pike woke suddenly, gasping, dizzy, and his heart racing. Tilly sat up, blinking sleepily. “What’s …”

He grabbed her wrist and shook his head as he tried and failed to draw in oxygen. “Can’t … breathe … chest … pain …”

Tilly panicked. He tightened his grip to calm her. “Needle … pants … in … rib … cage …”

Remembering the needle and tubing she found when searching for the knife she reached for his pants pocket and clumsily fumbled with the zipper until it was open. She held up the needle and then remembered he couldn’t see it.

“I have it. What now.”

“Remove … cap … remove … tubing ...”

“Ok.”

Pike pulled up his shirt and felt for the second intercostal space. He pointed. “Sterilize.”

Tilly spilled half a bottle of the disinfectant solution over his chest.

He pointed to the spot again. “Needle … here … ninety … degrees … push … hard …”

She hesitated. “I’ve never done this before, what if the angle is wrong?”

“No … time … now…” Pike managed to spit out between gasps.

When Tilly noticed his lips turning blue it jolted her into action. She placed the needle as directed and pushed.

Nothing happened.

“Harder,” he urged in a strangled whisper.

_Oh my god, oh my god, what do I do?_ Hearing him struggle to speak increased her fear. She tried again. This time the needle broke the skin, but it didn’t move much beyond the dermis.

Pike lifted his head, reached up and clenched her hand, ramming it down and the needle into his chest.

Blood spurted.

“Slide … handle … slot …”

And she heard air hiss as it rushed out of the now wide-open catheter.

His head dropped back onto the ground and his breathing slowly normalized, still too shallow, but adequate.

“There’s a lot of blood.” Tilly called out, alarmed.

“A field dressing compress … put on one …” Pike instructed.

After the Captain fell into an exhausted sleep and she was confident the third field dressing had controlled the bleeding, Tilly began shaking violently. She felt helpless. _I have no idea what to do if something else is wrong._ She hugged herself tightly to regain control and admonished herself sternly, _Pull yourself together. He needs you._

Periodically Pike’s breath hitched and then he would gasp and sharply inhale. The next breath would be normal. The first time it happened she held her breath as if she withheld her own it would permit his. By the tenth time, she was used to the sequence and only became concerned if a normal breath did not presently follow the hitched one.

An hour after the crisis, alarmed that his fever might be climbing, she woke Pike and coaxed him to swallow more antibiotic and fever regulators.

Then she settled beside him, holding his hand, watching over him through the long night as he slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To answer I question I received about Pike’s resourcefulness, physical strength and survival skills; I based the story on an interview I read given by Gene Roddenberry. He talked about starship travel in the era of Kirk and Spock. He likened the officers of that era to the Apollo program astronauts, described them as pioneers of space exploration. He further explained that he believed they would have extraordinary training as, in that era, space exploration was dangerous and required folks who were skilled, smart, strong, and resourceful. Perhaps another parallel would be special forces. He also indicated that level of expertise would most likely relax over time, as space exploration became more familiar.


	24. Chapter 24

**Discovery**

Kayleigh hesitated at the doorway to the ready room. As a botanist she had little interaction with the ship’s commanders, senior staff, and operations officers. Except for Saru. Their mutual interest in flora and fauna had deepened into friendship and was now, perhaps, after a few low-key dates, she hoped, morphing into a romance.

They had not spoken since Discovery had to leave the Captain and Ensign Tilly behind on the planet. Since the rescue mission that ended in a disaster. Since their jump in pursuit of the third signal.

She was having an argument with herself.

_Don’t bother him._

_But maybe he needs someone to talk to._

_He has a staff. A staff that can give him actual information that is useful._

_But he doesn’t have to be strong and resolute with me._

_Yes, he does. You are a member of his crew and this ship is facing an emergency._

_That’s not fair, he cannot be expected to be strong all the time._

_That is what being a Captain means. It’s the price of the chair._

_Then the price is too high. No one should have to endure this on their own without a personal confidant. Especially not a Kelpien with such an empathic and compassionate soul._

That ended her internal quarrel. _It may not be protocol. It may not be appropriate, but I don’t care._

She tapped the button to announce her presence.

“Come,” was the muted response.

Kayleigh noticed Saru lifted his shoulders and pushed them back as he stood and straightened his uniform. “Commander,” he acknowledged, his tone surprised.

She also noticed the smile that formed and quickly dissipated which nullified most of her lingering doubts about being here. “I heard … well, I thought you might … look I can go if you want to be alone.”

He started to answer and then stopped. Considered. Gestured to the sofa in the sitting area. “Please stay.”

“I’ve never been in the captain’s ready room. It’s … nice. Homey without being unprofessional.” She remarked after looking around.

“It is pleasant.” Saru responded, tone unsure.

“It needs a few plants.” Kayleigh added.

“Hmmm. Yes. I agree.” Saru quickly amended, “If it were mine. I’m an interloper here. And … a pretender. I should stay on the bridge.”

Kayleigh crossed her legs and leaned backed. “I’ve always thought ready rooms are for the crew as much as the commanding officer. So they don’t feel like he … or she … is hovering all the time.”

“You have heard?”

“That the phenomenon is not the third signal? Yes.” She resisted the urge to assure Saru he did the right thing, that there was no other choice, certain he had already heard that too many times. _How do you comfort the man in charge? The one responsible for everything? Little wonder few commanding officers are involved in romantic relationships, it must be tricky._ “That Commander Stamets is still in a comma and we may never get back to Federation space? Yes. It sucks.”

Saru cocked his head. “I am unfamiliar with the use of that term in this context.”

“Oh. It’s a metaphor? No that’s not right. Perhaps an idiom? I was playing in the greenhouse when everyone else was passing grammar. It’s means it’s really bad. Both the outcome and the feeling surrounding it.”

His puzzled look deepened. “Why would drawing an item into the mouth by contracting the muscles of the lip and mouth to make a partial vacuum convey such a sentiment?” Sometimes human expressions baffled him.

Kayleigh shrugged. Saru made a mental note to ask Captain Pike before catching himself and thinking, _I’ll not meet him again, nor Tilly._ His shoulders sagged and his expression turned bleak. It was a profound loss.

“What were you thinking, just then?”

He answered without stopping to censure and that felt freeing and … good. “That I will miss Ensign Tilly’s unique way of reporting information.” The brief smile was back and this time it reached his eyes. “She … she says everything that pops into her head, whether it is relevant or not. If you are patient, which the Captain is more so than I, she often reveals remarkable and unique insights.”

_Oh, I think I understand now. Don’t encouragingly say you will see her again; he’s not looking for comfort. Nor pie-in-the-sky promises. And he needs a break from consoling and reassuring others,_ Kayleigh thought before asking. “Tell me more about Tilly. We’ve met, but I don’t know anything about her other than she’s some sort of prodigy.”

“Yes, in theoretical engineering. Commander Stamets praises her contributions to the spore drive technology.”

“You’ve grown fond of her? On a personal level I mean, not that you have favorites.”

Saru nodded. “She reminds me of myself when I began my career in Starfleet. Unsure, awkward, isolated because I felt different and had special needs. I wanted to … to shield her from any harshness that would dampen her spirit. Give her a space to bud and flower.”

“That was kind.”

He sighed and shook his head. “But not to be. We were in the middle of a war, protecting her was not an option. Instead I took a sterner approach, trying to rein in her loquaciousness and tendency to act impulsively. I believed such a method would best aid her dream of becoming a captain … and … keep her alive. Somedays I regret this. I worry the strict schoolmaster persona may have put out some of her light. Now I cannot rectify that.”

“Lorca pulled strings to get her onboard, before she was ready, because he needed her in the mirror universe?”

Saru’s tone of voice was weary and sad. “I have often wondered how many cadets died in the Klingon war. To cover his tracks with Tilly, Lorca convinced Command more resources were required, and they assigned last semester Academy students to battleships.”

“That’s incomprehensible. I didn’t realize how much power Lorca had accumulated.”

“The war caught Command and the Federation Council off guard. Well, that is my assessment, but I am not a military strategist, I may well be wrong. Lorca said he could win the war and they clung to that promise. Periodically I think that …”

“Go on.”

“It is speculation and inappropriate.” Saru explained.

“And stays between us.”

Before he could respond, the intercom chimed. “Commander Saru to the bridge.” He rose to leave.

“I apologize, I should not have spoken about Captain Lorca to you.”

“Why not? I am your friend. And I experienced Lorca and the mirror universe too, well at the edges.” Kayleigh reminded him.

“Because you are also part of my crew. Your safety and well being are my responsibility. Those boundaries are vitally important and should not be crossed. Ever.” Saru explained. “Please forgive me.”

He left abruptly.

Kayleigh had grown use to Saru’s mercurial moods since his Vahar’ai. The quick changes in his temperament mirrored her teenage nephews’ behavior at times. But this felt different.

ooooo

**Spaceship Vayu**

“You need my ship?” Hiten asked. “May I point out Starfleet, of which you are a highly decorated member, has over 7,000 ships. Why would you, and I assume they, need mine?” He broke into a mischievous grin. “Have you tired of all those rules and protocols and decided to go rogue?”

“Hardly.” Una responded, distracted as she decoded the plea for help from Nhan. _Those coordinates don’t make sense,_ she thought and double checked her math.

He stood in front of her, tossed her PADD to the side, grasped her hands and held her gaze with his dark eyes. “You know I trust you with my ship and my life. More importantly I trust you with the lives of my crew. Talk to me.”

“We, well you, are only three days away if we push the engines. No Starfleet or Federation ship can get there in time.”

“Get where?”

Una called up a three-dimension star chart and pointed to a trinary system.

“That’s beyond the edge of Federation space.” He pointed to nearby several planetary clusters and an asteroid belt. “I’ve heard reports of Klingon ships hiding there and there. From a house refusing to recognize the armistice and the Empire’s new government. It’s a dangerous area.”

“I’ve read nothing about that.” Una said.

“The Federation and Starfleet should pay more attention to intelligence from the rim.” Hiten countered. “I’ve mentioned that before, repeatedly.”

“Yes, OK, you are right. But right now I have very little time.”

“Time for what?” He asked.

“Chris is in trouble.” Una answered quietly.

ooooo

**Cave**

Tilly checked her Pike’s temperature every hour. Concerned that a fever would further dehydrate him, perhaps seriously, she woke her Captain every half an hour insisting he drink a few sips of water. Increasingly he resisted and not possessing the physical strength to force him, she gave up.

Instead of responding to the regulator Pike’s temperature steadily climbed. He became restless and started muttering to himself. She chatted soothingly to him, sponging his face, neck and hands with tepid water. Within a couple of hours his fever reached 104 degrees _._

_I may not be well trained as an emergency medic, but I know this is bad and needs immediate intervention. How many of these regulators can I give him?_ She thought. _The damn bottle should have more detailed instructions. OK, OK, think._

Pike’s restlessness gave way to intense, almost violent movement. Instinctively he pushed the cover of the sleeping bag away from his body. Tilly pulled it back, recovering him; he pushed it away. She tried reasoning, talking in low calming tones, explaining it was important to stay warm. It didn’t help.

She glanced around the cave hoping something would spark an idea. She rummaged through every medical bag looking for an answer. _Can plain old aspirin be given along with the fever regulator pills? Would aspirin complicate the bleeding around the shunt in his chest? Damn and blast. Think._

Pike kept rubbing the back of his neck as if it were stiff or aching. He curled into a ball and shivered. He covered his ears, shielding them from a nonexistent loud noise. With his every low moan Tilly chided herself for not knowing what to do.

_Put this in a familiar context. When the spore drive overheats, we … it’s not possible for the spore drive to overheat. What about a warp engine? It overheats when containment fails between the process that draws heat away from the reactor and/or the generators that convert that heat into a different energy form. Useless … wait … draw heat away. How do I draw heat away from a human body?_

As Pike’s fever climbed to 105 degrees, he talked, at times incoherently, about past missions and his personal life, in a non-linear thread, quietly at first and then shouting. _What is he saying? Oh was that from a classified mission?_

_Not important right now. Focus! How do I draw heat away from a human body?_ She thought back to one of her beloved 20th century movies. _Ice. Yes! ICE! At pressure points!_

After hurriedly dumping the contents of several sturdy, waterproof bags Tilly filled them with snow. _Snow will be less effective than ice, but … but it might work._ _OK, bag at the back of the neck, under the arms, on the abdomen, behind the knees and … and … ok sorry about this … groin._ Pike winced when she applied the last bag. _Sorry sir, needs must._

The snow in the bags melted almost instantly. _Should I move him closer to the mouth of the cave?_ _Away from the fire? Doesn’t matter, there is no way I, with a broken leg and arm, could drag a man that far._ Undaunted she refilled and reapplied the bags over and over and over.

In his delirium, Pike began inhaling rapidly as if he couldn’t get enough air and soon began panting. He continued shouting and was now trying to sit up. Tilly pushed him down while she tried to control her panic. _Get a grip girl. Does he need me to breathe for him? Give him mouth to mouth?_

_His chest is rising and falling, so … no._

_Do I need to evacuate more air through the shunt in his chest?_ She leaned down to listen. There was a hiss, but it was faint, and the shunt was wide open. _No that doesn’t seem right, before he couldn’t draw a breath, now he’s breathing deeply. Too deeply! Yes! That’s the problem!_

She slapped her hand over his mouth forcing Pike to breathe through his nose. _He’s hyperventilating, breathing too much._ Pike resisted, moving his head to the side and pushing her hand away. Tilly tried again without success. He panted faster. _I’m not strong enough to hold him back for more than a few seconds,_ she thought as she fought with her commander.

“Remember I did this for your own good,” Tilly said. Using distraction, physics, ingenuity and significant effort she tied Pike’s hands to one side and secured them to one of the supply cubes heavy enough to keep him prone.

“Now, be a good Captain and breathe through your nose … slowly,” she encouraged again covering his mouth with her hand. When that did not slow his breathing enough, she pinched one nostril closed.

Breathing normalized, Pike started rambling again. _Maybe if I respond it will quiet him?_ “Yes, Admiral West is totally an … he spoke at one of my seminars … I mean could a man be more in love with himself?”

“You competed in the decathlon at the Academy? Did I hear that right?” _OK, time and place Tilly,_ she thought, _but that is so hot._

_Wait is he talking about me?_

Flustered Tilly decided to try and divert Pike’s attention, “Let’s check your temperature … 104.5. Not low enough, but a start,” she said, encouraged, before once again filling the bags with snow. “Don’t worry, Captain, I’m going to take care of you.”

_But how long can I keep this up?_

_As long as needed,_ she thought resolutely. _Ignore the pain in your leg._


End file.
